Struggling with separation

[Vickiuk80]

Hi
My husband walked out a week ago, after firstly leaving in January for a few days but advising he didn’t know what he was doing and coming home .
He waited for me to go to bed and woke me up to tell me he hasn’t felt the same about me for 5ish years and the depression he has had the last year.was becusde he couldn’t process those emotions.

I have nearly killed myself the last year, whilst supporting my mother who is recovering from a mastectomy.
Trying to get him to spend time with me, asking him to put his god damn phone away and literally doing every household chore and parenting our kids whilst working.
He waited an hour after I told him that my mum was cancer free .... on the eve of my sons 5th birthday.

Today I have spent mainly in tears due to seeing every family in real life and on social media having a wonderful time.

I literally feel like my whole life has fallen apart and feel hopeless.
It’s like the person I trusted most is no longer there and I am struggling to see the 16years before this where he was a good person.
It’s like he has switched his feelings off.
All I feel is fear and I hate myself for it.
I hate that inside I want all this to be a mistake and it can be sorted but then beat myself up becusde I shouldn’t be treated like this.
I deserve love, respect and kindness.
It’s all gone. How can I never trust again

Ughhhhh just needed to write it down

[Yellowshirt]

Literally no one for support. My daughter does keep nagging me though telling me I'm upetting her mother.

[alittlebitdemented]

@Yellowshirt I say this with kindness but I think you should go to your GP. I know there is nothing to stipulate how quickly we should feel better. However, after eight months, I think most of us feel a bit stronger. I feel much stronger after three months. Your GP can maybe help you.

[Bigal80]

I think that’s great advice, not sure where you live but you can self refer where I am for support - if it’s counciling, cbt or anything in between x

[Yellowshirt]

I would be absolutely fine if my wife would just leave me a lone, stop lying and then we could get the divorce sorted.I just need her out of my life for a while.

[alittlebitdemented]

Unfortunately @Yellowshirt, you have little control over what your wife is doing. You do, however, have control over what you're doing and how you're feeling.

[Wlease]

Mine left 5 weeks ago. Left myself and 2 boys eldest has Autism and is struggling alot. He told me he doesn't love me anymore but cares about me. 15 YRS of following him round with the military. I'm so hurt. He's so cold towards me. Not the man I thought he was.

[VivaVegas]

My H too has changed into a very cold emotionless person, very different from the happy, smiley person he used to be. I do believe he is having a (mid life) crisis of some sort as do his family but he won't listen to anyone.
I miss the man I married and thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I feel so sad about it all and so lonely. The future we had planned/discussed just taken away.

[Techgirldating2018]

KOKO same here 53, selling the house shortly moving somewhere on my own I never thought my life would be this...
It’s just so sad. But you’re right there are glimpses of good days now.

[stucknoue]

Why do men think it's ok to do this? I gave up my career to move overseas for his career, then back, then again. Eldest has autism, lost one pt and one full time job due to her psychiatric emergencies. But I have job interview for full time and if I get it I can tell him to move out - dd thinks he's not worth my wrath!

[VivaVegas]

I'm trying to do stuff to make me feel better, spring cleaning each room and getting rid of all his stuff that I find, have taken down all the photos of us.
House feels clean and fresh, I'm shattered but that's it, doesn't make me feel any better!
I've bought a note book to start writing stuff down to try and get the anger and thoughts out of my head and to brain dump the things I now have to decide on for the future, will see if that helps.
In the meantime he's sat in his rental doing FA, burying his head in the sand - just brilliant!

[Bigal80]

I’m doing the same @vivavegas
I’ve been told all of this is good and normal for us to go though. I feel the same, I’m busting my gut with two young kids and his mum is cooking him dinner each night and washing his clothes. All while he tells me he struggles with verbal communication - wtf
You was prob doing it all anyway - I have a notebook and I make myself do it each night
I spring cleaning as well, I have my carpets being cleaned next week and my mates are coming over to help me weed
Reach out to people if you can x
I’m struggling with feeling lonely in the evenings to be honest
Much love xxx

[Simonfromharlow]

I feel like I have written all these posts. In the same boat as others. H told me he wanted to move out today. He says trial but I don't really believe in them so to me he's leaving for good.

[Bigal80]

Rough day, spent most of fighting away tears when I should have been enjoying a day out with kids.
Felt so alone, and abandoned and worried I will always feel this way.

@simonfromharlow - he dosent want to discuss it ? Or that’s what he’s decided to do ?

[Simonfromharlow]

Maybe a bit of both.

[Bigal80]

Another shitty day, tears and more tears. I’m away with the kids and I feel more alone as ever. Feel like everyone around me just wants me to plaster on the fake smile. I already feel like I have lied a lie for years and now my feelings have to be covered.

I feel actual disbelief, how could he do this to me. No contact about anything but the kids for a month - how is he so cold and I can’t stop crying.
I wish I could swap places to just make this pain go away

[Simonfromharlow]

@Bigal80 I know how you feel. It's shit isn't it. We'll feel better one day. We will

[Bigal80]

I really hope so @simonfromharlow
Right now I just want to get into bed and not get up x

[stucknoue]

I'm actually wishing h did want to move out in a way, the limbo is in a way worse even though financially it makes sense. The flip side is a friend is trying to set me up with a colleague of his, not sure if I want to even consider it but perhaps I need to do something radical to move on - I can't lie in my bedroom feeling sorry for myself for a year or more.

[Simonfromharlow]

@ me too xxx