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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Whats your biggest divorce regret?

42 replies

BusyBeeMummy1 · 23/02/2019 10:57

So ive told my husband I want a divorce. Ive caught him cheating on me twice now through online dating profiles hes made.

We share a 19month old son and ive come to stay with my parents for a couple weeks.

I know its what I have to do as it wasnt a healthy fulfilling purposeful relationship and now i just cant bare to see him. Although I may be willing to go through Mediation at some point

Hindsights a wonderful thing so Im curious to know if any of you have gotten divorced and regretted it later in life? Maybe the impact on your children was alot greater than you thought or the lonliness is bewildering. Will I regret this decision down the road. My main worry is how my son will be affected by being a single parent child.

Any comments appreciated

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 23/02/2019 10:59

Two regrets: 1) i didnt do it 10 years earlier and 2) i allowed him to carry on controlling me when we finally split. Otherwise, no regrets at all. And for the record his new wife is much better for him than I was.

Isadora2007 · 23/02/2019 11:00

Biggest regret? Not doing it sooner. Letting myself and my kids get treated as second class citizens for years.

LittleCandle · 23/02/2019 11:00

That I didn't do it sooner. Perhaps DD2 wouldn't suffer from such bad anxiety if I had left him earlier.

Isadora2007 · 23/02/2019 11:01

My children are delightful young adults who treat people with respect and love. And I have married a wonderful man who treats me with love and respect too. Don’t stay accepting less than you deserve.

nrpmum · 23/02/2019 11:03

I didn't get better legal advice, and therefore would not have lost so much money.

I would not have let exh to continue to manipulate/control me for so long after.

Mistybee · 24/02/2019 07:25

That I didn’t do it sooner

I let it get dragged out for way too long

It’s now been almost 4 years after I left and the children and I have never been happier

Secretsout · 24/02/2019 21:44

1)that I didn’t do it sooner (though if I had he would have been able to control the kids like he did me)
2) that I instructed my solicitor to get me spousal maintenance instead of pension sharing

oldfatandtired1 · 24/02/2019 23:00

That I didn’t do it 10 years before I did (bit of a common theme here!)

wobytide · 24/02/2019 23:35

If you're big enough to stand up and make one of the biggest calls you ever will in your life then you shouldn't think of them as regrets. There will be mistakes along the way, and life will be hard, but you were tough enough to make the biggest decision of all for your happiness and wellbeing.

I'll second the allowing others to control your life after the event as being a failure for lots of people

MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/02/2019 01:28

That I did not Annul soon after the marriage.

BrizzleMint · 25/02/2019 01:36

Marrying him in the first place.

m0vinf0rward · 25/02/2019 08:19

Putting up with her shit as long as I did.

NotBeingRobbed · 25/02/2019 09:13

Ever meeting him!!

SkinnyPete · 25/02/2019 09:18

@m0vinf0rward

Me too

sanityisamyth · 25/02/2019 09:25

Not doing it sooner and getting the right solicitor the first time around.

TearingUpMyHeart · 25/02/2019 09:26

Oh god no, life is much better single. I should have fought more for the better car. That's a minor detail Grin

tisonlymeagain · 26/02/2019 08:59

Not following my heart many years ago

apparentlyso · 26/02/2019 09:46

Not following my gut when I realised he wasn't a good person and ever getting with him in the first place.
We were together a number of years and although I regret the whole relationship I'm hoping at least the divorce will enable me to have some financial security for the future (he was a higher earner than me) which I am guessing just living together wouldn't have (silver lining).
If I could turn back I would never have gone to the event that we met at, and I would never had had him in my life, but I can't do that, so I just am looking forward to the rest of my life without him and that feels so great!

CaptainJaneway62 · 26/02/2019 10:55

Regret not having done it sooner and even more regret about having met up with him in the first place!...I should have trusted my gut!! Sad

Easterbuns1 · 26/02/2019 11:13
  1. Not doing it sooner. We separated for 4 months and I moved out with the children but we decided to give things another go, I should have just properly walked away then.
  1. Trusting him to be an honest decent person and not play dirty. I was honest and transparent and expected him to do the same as things were supposed to be amicable at first but he was up to all sorts of scheming behind my back which I thought he wouldn't do. Always have your guard up!
downcasteyes · 26/02/2019 11:20

Easterbuns absolutely sums up what I wanted to say, on both counts. I would add this: expect the road to be much harder than you think it will be, but expect to be much happier than you realise is possible after it's over.

It has been over 10 years and I am still dealing with people who think I am the devil because I let him badmouth me to everyone and maintained what I thought was a 'dignified silence'. He made out like I'd had an affair, when actually our relationship was over and he had refused every offer I'd made to try counselling or mediation. It is better to state your side, just once, simply and clearly.

HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall · 26/02/2019 15:32

I regret not kicking him into touch 21 years ago, I really regret getting married.

lettymoo · 26/02/2019 18:51

That I didn't get it annulled within the first few weeks when his behaviour changed drastically and I realised he was a sexual predator and cocklodger

MissedTheBoatAgain · 27/02/2019 06:15

General answer seems to be that people wished they had ended their marriages sooner? Guess they had reasons for sticking around?

I stuck it out for 5 years for the benefit of DS and Stepdaughter as did not want them to return to their Mother's native country as dangerous. Once Stepdaughter obtained UK Citizenship I was off. Ex got her citizenship 2 years earlier so no need for her to return to her native Country.

Hope all those who have posted on here have moved onto a happier life. For sure I have.

Hellohappy · 27/02/2019 06:22

I regret not divorcing him straight away, as soon as we split up. Things would have been more amicable.

After a year of separation he decided he wanted to come back by which time I didn’t want him back and he got nasty and the divorce was messy.