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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

TAKEN TO THE CLEANERS

53 replies

notnotnee · 04/02/2019 16:16

Hi
So I just wanted to warn people of marrying in haste.

I married a man after just 1 year who seemed to be the perfect man. Funny, charming, kind, generous, romantic, hard working etc. That all changed once I married him. He became the opposite of all the above.
After many rows and break ups (he was very good at persuading me to take him back) I finally filed for divorce. I just couldn't be around his miserable, angry, lazy arse any more!!

I owned my own home when I met him and I was mortgage free. It was soley in my name and he always said he would NEVER touch my house. He came with nothing and had a big gambling habit (which I was not aware of) For the 3.5 years we were married, he gave me £100 a week house keeping and played golf 2-3 days a week. He was a bricklayer and worked 2 days a week. Said he was not interested in money, time was more important to him.

I was a single parent for 13 years with no financial help from their father. Always worked and never had any help from anyone. Just worked hard and bought and sold properties over the years that I had renovated, thus enabling me to end up mortgage free at 47.

Guess what, he fought me through the courts for everything I had worked so hard for and he was awarded £73,000 and it cost me £15,000 in solicitors and barristers fees.

He basically saw me coming !!!

I am so angry and even bitter. He screwed me over big time.

Remember the vows you make "all that I have I give to you" That is how the courts see it. Does not matter that it is yours. Once you marry, it becomes ours.

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 04/02/2019 16:21

Oh OP I'm so sorry.

Redbus1030 · 04/02/2019 16:32

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

Original poster
notnotnee · 04/02/2019 16:37

Redbus1030
We were married 305 years, no children, he was not on the deeds but as the courts kept saying "you married him and therefore the assets become both of yours. Had I drawn something up prior to marriage maybe I would have been ok.

OP posts:
NotBeingRobbed · 04/02/2019 23:28

I am also being ripped off by this hideous marriage. OK in my case a long marriage but he was also not what he seemed before marriage. We had children and I stuck with it for their sake. Others will have seen my posts before. I warned 70% and he earned 30%. I had my own house before marriage. Now he wants 65%. I have sole care of the children, one under 18 and one over.

The contract is hideously unjust. We’ve not yet got the court - the greatest injustice is costs are so high that you are urged to settle for an unfair deal.

My advice to everyone else is never, ever marry!!

userxx · 04/02/2019 23:43

Would a pre-nup have helped?

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 05/02/2019 00:01

Karma hun.

What goes around, comes around.

NotBeingRobbed · 05/02/2019 00:07

No pre-nups when I married - except for celebs and even then they were legally untested. It’s a life sentence with no escape. A thoroughly bad deal and a licence for someone to rob you blind!

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/02/2019 02:27

Once you marry, it becomes ours

Correct. Don't marry if you do not understand the implications and potential consequences in the event of Divorce.

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 02:36

I guess that's how everyone feels when they bring more assets or income into a marriage.
You did in fairness make the vows.

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 02:37

In fairness though, you did well to remain married for 305 years.

NotBeingRobbed · 05/02/2019 04:28

Oh come on, we know why the law evolved as it did - to protect SAHPs (most often mothers) who gave up everything to stay home with children and then were abandoned with no means of support.

It’s a very different situation when a partner contributes only a tiny amount to the household income, indulges their hobbies, has no children and then gets to walk away with half. It’s legalised theft. I am always staggered now when people complain of being robbed of a few thousand pounds by criminals. Marriage is much more harmful than a burglary.

userxx · 05/02/2019 11:44

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx - bit harsh???

m0vinf0rward · 05/02/2019 13:39

Marriage is a very bad deal when you have people of unequal status. It's basically legalized theft upon divorce and the very reason why I won't marry again. My ExW cheated but will be able to claim on all my pensions from the moment I started working, not from when I met her. If you meet someone who is financially irresponsibile who hasn't saved invested or made plans for their future, you can be held liable to support them forever...it's insanity of the worst kind. No fault divorce means that people no longer need to behave to be protected, they can lie, cheat and steal yet still walk away with a huge payday.

My advice to men and women....don't get married, and if you do want to...sit down with a solicitor first so you fully understand what you are getting into.

NotBeingRobbed · 05/02/2019 13:54

@m0vinf0rward hear hear to that.

RomanticFatigue · 05/02/2019 14:08

Sit down with a solicitor first so you fully understand what you are getting into.
I couldn't agree more. Getting married enters you into a financial contract with the other person. It's not about the dress and a party, or even how much in love you are. I wish I'd realised that before I got married, I had no idea what I was letting myself into until I got divorced and my shitty exh tried to take me for everything. Fortunately he didn't in the end but I that luck for that.

OrangeJuiceandLemon · 05/02/2019 14:13

Blimey. What horrible stories. Sad

oscarandflo · 05/02/2019 15:40

Quite possibly but it never even crossed my mind. What a fool I was.

oscarandflo · 05/02/2019 15:42

Absolutely right.

oscarandflo · 05/02/2019 15:44

Karma, What did I do to deserve this. Karma or not ??

oscarandflo · 05/02/2019 15:46

romanticfatigue. Wow how lucky were you!!

Itsnotme123 · 05/02/2019 16:51

Ooooh yesss. No truer words spoken.When I first got married, the night before my wedding I thought to myself ... I can’t afford to get my own place and support myself.and ..Jeeze what I’m about to do will be a bind for the rest of my life. And then I thought, what if years down the line I want out. Well, I thought ..there’s divorce, and I would get the house.

So.. after tens of years of marriage, we are now getting divorced. I knew that I would be better off.

Now the boots on the other foot. I’ve met a man who is not so well off as me. He wants to marry me. I will be buying a house out of my settlement. I want to be with him, but NO WAY will I marry him. The house will be in my name, (I’ll make darn sure of that) he will still work, and I hope we will have a wonderful life together. But I’m fully aware that I will need to sit with a solicitor and draw up something to protect myself and my grown up children.

NotBeingRobbed · 05/02/2019 17:29

@itsnotme123 you got a house - so it worked out for you. I’m at risk of losing my house and I have children to support.

Itsnotme123 · 05/02/2019 18:07

NotBeingRobbed, but surely you wouldn’t lose the house if you have children to care for ? I thought the woman always gets the house and the children ? How old are your children ?

NotBeingRobbed · 05/02/2019 18:27

I thought the woman always gets the house and the children ?

That’s the biggest myth out there. I am the higher earner and have paid for most of the house! Now I have to pay ex a lump sum to go away. I’ll have to borrow that. I hope I can raise the money. I am full-time RP. Kids are 15 and 19 (at uni, he obviously doesn’t officially count but still costs lots of money).

AndTheSkyWasAllViolet · 05/02/2019 18:31

I don't think lemons was directing that at the OP. At least, I didn't read it that way.