I have to go to court to sort the financials

[supergrains]

Do I have to attend? Does my ex?
Forgot to ask my solicitor this yesterday, does anyone know?

Reason I ask it that I would rather not see him (no dv) but still would prefer not to.

Yes you do and so will your ex

Sadly yes. When I went, I was able to wait in a separate area and literally did only have to see him when we were in the court room. We had to negotiate on the day and were in two separate rooms with our legal reps going between us.

You can have someone go with you and they can stay with you, but won't be able to go into the court itself (at least that's how it was when I did it).

Time in court should be fairly minimal as judges get pissy if you haven't sorted as much of it out as possible before it gets to them.

Well if you want to sort out your finances it's best to turn up, "sad" or not!

xzcvbnm it would really have been best if ex-H would have attended financial mediation in the first place and not buggered about lying and trying to hide funds and then being 100% obdurate about coming to a settlement.

Many people have been through the mill by the time they get to court and usually find it sad, annoying, triggering or a million other shitty emotions to have to sit in the same room as their imminently ex-H.

Basically exactly what Margo said.
He's the wanker who is trying to bully me, I just want shot of him.
I haven't got a problem going to court if that's the way it has to be, just preparing myself for what is going to happen.
I get completely confused by the process even though my solicitor has semi-explained it to me, so just wanted to know.
Thanks Margo.

To OP

You can't avoid attendance at the Final Hearing. It is the opportunity for both partners to give evidence and for counsel and the judge to ask questions.

Can be stressful as there are no limits on what can be asked. Typically both partners will be question for half a day each. Maybe longer if a complex case.

On the plus side that your ex has been obstructive may go against him. Courts have the power to award costs if they conclude that one partner has prolonged the proceedings by being awkward.

Good luck

Hang in there supergrains - this too shall pass. That's what I kept saying to myself.

Thanks for the replies.
I can't believe I'm being forced to go through this crazy expensive prolonged process by my stbxh.
I genuinely want a quick and fair resolution, I've got no axe to grind ... I just want to close the chapter and move on.
It's useful to hear that he might be financially penalised by dragging out the process and refusing to engage properly with it.....I have the suspicion that he is trying to 'starve' me into taking a rubbish deal as he has access to a lot more money than me. I guess would rather give his solicitor a pile of money than to offer me a fair settlement.
Luckily we have no children to fight over, that's one blessing, as I would hate to see how badly they would have been treated during and after this divorce by the arse stbxh.
I hope I will be back one day soon with a final resolution to share with mn.....hoping within 12 months or so.

I have a slightly unusually lifestyle (nothing kinky!) in that's its a bit boho .... I feel that even though I don't earn very much compared to most, I get to have a lovely lifestyle compared to how I thought I would be living when he left me high and dry....so I'm just hoping I can keep that, as a lot of it is down to my attitude / resourcefulness and contentment with life.
It's going to be a bit weird to justify my life and how I earn/spend money to a stranger (the judge) I didn't realise I would be questioned.
I'm hoping no matter what happens in court it won't break my spirit and I'll continue feeling so happy simply because I'm free now. I've been through a lot in recent years, and need the shit times to be well and truly over. At least a small reprieve!

I wouldn't get your hopes up too much about him being penalised. My ex dragged things on for 2 and a half years bwfore we got to court, refused to negotiate, he did all manner of vexatious and obstructive things. Judge didn't do anything. I did however get a settlement hugely weighted in my favour ....

Sorry, that wasn't that helpful! Have you had FDA/FDR hearings yet? I don't think you go in straight for the Final Hearing. You may get lucky and he realises that he needs to be sensible and settle.

batshit we haven't started yet, and my solicitor is always telling me that we might not actually end up in court but my h is an arse and would love to drag it out I'm sure.
I don't care about hime being penalised or me getting a better deal (would be nice though) I want it to be fair to me (and therefore him) and over.

Well you may not end up in court. His solicitor will be advising him too remember. My ex eventually agreed to settle on thw morning of the first day of the Final Hearing. My barrister said it often happens - all his abusive emails and notes he left for me were in the court bundle and my barrister planned to bring all of that up when questioning him in court. Ex's barrister would have told him this. Ex was the kind of man who would try and save face at all costs, so he settled. Your STBX may do that too.

If you haven't even started your first port of call will be mediation. If you want an amicable agreement, you can turn up for that.

My ex eventually agreed to settle on thw morning of the first day of the Final Hearing

Same happened in my case. Ex finally saw the documents that disproved all of their previous statements and applications to the courts. However, I had provided the documents to Ex's solicitors many months earlier, but for some reason Ex did not see them until the day of the Final Hearing?

Always been suspicious that Ex's solicitor held back documents in the hope that Ex would continue all the way to Final Hearing for the purposes of maximizing their fees? Certainly the view of my own Solicitor.

XZ he has refused mediation by ignoring attempts made by the mediator to communicate with him (which I'm actually a bit relieved at because I didn't think it would work and I don't want to have contact with him).

bat & collaborate I'm interested as to why abusive emails etc would be part of the court process? I thought the courts didn't care about that stuff? Luckily I am clean on that front! I think my ex is trying to goad me by his actions, but I am rising above and keeping out of his drama.

Also batshit why did you both need barristers? Is it just because you are HNWI ?

It is normal to both have a solicitor and barrister each if going to court. If you represent yourself in court then you wouldn't have a barrister.

As to the emails - it would be too outing to say exactly why, but ex did something outrageously unlawful during the divorce.

The Final Hearing will be about the Financial Settlement. What caused the Divorce is seldom taken into account unless there is DV or one was reckless with money and ran up large debts.

Settlements will be made based on what is available and who needs what. Looking for a larger share based on sympathy will not wash. If there are insufficient assets to go around then both partners will have to adjust their lifestyles accordingly (downwards).

In your case MTBA. All cases and judges are different.

Before you go to court OP you will have to have a MIAM meeting to work out if you are suitable for mediation. Because of abuse the mediator signed the form to say we weren't suitable so then an application was made to court for the first hearing. It takes ages and settlement can be reached out of court at any time.

Hi batshit my ex has turned down the idea of mediation, so we are just getting started with the courts.

To Supergrains

Courts can be a long and expensive process. Particularly if one, or both, makes it a contest. Upside of courts is they can award costs if they think one partner has been obstructive and prolonged things without reason.

supergrains an application to court can't be made until you've at least had a MIAM - if the mediator doesn't think your case is suitable for mediation they will issue a certificate which is needed in the court application. Your STBX can't just decide that on his own!

More information here
www.nfm.org.uk/family-mediation/mediation-information-meeting-miam

Do you have a solicitor?

Batshit sorry, yes we both have solicitors and were contacted by the mediator.
I was happy to try mediation but my ex didn't respond to the letter/emails/phone calls from the mediator (I'm the one divorcing him), so I paid my £180 for the mediator to submit the form A to the court to get the ball rolling. I had a Skype meeting with the mediator too, to talk about the mediation process waste of time/money but it's a hoop you have to jump through. Never mind how long it will take me to earn that £180
I'm hoping it will take 12 months worse case from now on as I'm pretty pissed off at how my ex is dragging his feet.