Please tell me the pain gets easier- dh left

[LuckyAugust]

Dh left 3 days ago. I'm heartbroken. Other than one lovely friend who I talked to today no one else knows and trying to put a 'face' on to 3dc, at work and to my family. Inside though I feel lost and alone and when I am on my own I just cry. DH has mental health issues which he refuses to deal with but the reason for him leaving is because he wants a 'life'. He is an alcoholic and has (or had) been sober for 8 years. Due to mental health issues he is hugely insecure and until recently didn't have any friends. Now he's got this new bunch of work mates who are all younger than him and loud and single and he's decided he wants to start drinking again and have a new life. His new life doesn't include me though unless I'm prepared to be the little wife who does his washing, cooking, look after his children and accept that he's gonna start drinking again and do what he wants. I can't do this. He needs advice from a GP or counsellor but he won't do it and said he's gonna do it anyway so what they say is irrelevant. He told me he's only stayed with me so long because of our kids (we've been together 12 years). He thinks his 'new life' will sort him out! I feel like everything I believed has been a lie because despite the awful stuff he's done over the years (which I should have realised were signs he wasn't in love with me anymore) I still love him. I'm heartbroken and just want this to go away

MN chats have got me through so much. I'm still not actually divorced. The process is agony and my STBXH seems to want to drag it out forever. Perhaps his last need to control everything. His relationship with the DC has become sketchy at best. I can't believe the man I married is satisfied how his life is now. Having so little contact with his children, losing so many friends. But he's made all the choices. I've stayed as strong as I can. Lots of tears but less and less now. I feel lonely but I have great friends, my family have stood by me and complete strangers on MN have given perfect, wise advice thousands of times. Hang in there all and keep posting!

Every day you get up and put one foot in front of the other. There's literally nothing else you can do. It's tough but I know we can all get through it.

I'm so sorry theres so many of us going through this although reassured by posts that it does get easier. To be honest I do feel different to how I felt when he first left and I am daring to dream of a new life because I've realised thats what I do want- there isn't any going back.

Last night I had tickets to watch a dance show which I've been so excited about for months. He'd said he would still like to come and I guess its my fault for not making alternative arrangements. He'd been to work and then the football so we hadn't spoken all day. Just before we were due to leave he picked a fight. He wanted us to go out drinking instead! He's an alcoholic who until last night I thought had been sober for 8 years. It turns out he's been drinking whilst he was away and he doesn't see my problem with it as he's proved he can handle it now as he's ok and managed it without having a blowout! One of the reasons he left is because he wanted the 'lads life' again and last week he swore he hadn't had a drink already. Also found out about another huge lie he's told me and let me believe for 8 years (this is the bad one thats changed everything). I told him to get out so he packed his stuff and sat in the car for a bit before coming back in. I feel as though some light has gone on in my head. I don't want him anymore but its now my time to be a bit sneaky. He gets paid on friday and please everyone don't think bad of me but I need my money that I would normally get from him. So he came in and I let him speak although I didn't really listen because I was formulating my own plan. Which is to get my money on friday and then tell him on Saturday that we're over and ask him to leave. What I did hear from his speech though is that he doesn't want to break up but I make him so angry by refusing to allow him to drink and by being so controlling but if we can work on that we'll be ok!!!! Totally laughable and as usual making himself out to be the victim. He was a fucked up alcoholic long before I met him. I was the only one who supported him and he turned his life around completely which until a few weeks ago he appreciated and acknowledged. If he wants to go back to that then he's doing it on his own. The money I'd normally get from him means I don't have to cancel our holiday in May (well he won't be coming anyway now - I'll take someone else!). I won't have to buy all the normal crap I get in for him next month so can keep it for the holiday- the kids will be crushed when their dad leaves and I really want to still take them away. With all his debts he won't be able to afford this house on his own and I think he'll go to his mams so hopefully I won't have such a rush to find somewhere. Realistically my MIL will hate my guts for being the one to end it but she won't kick her grandkids out. By next month I should have sorted my finances and cancelled things I can't afford anymore. It'll be tight but I know I'm lucky that I can with some tweaks afford to do it on my own. I can't believe he's been drinking again. He really is such a good liar and I've been fooled by him for so many years. Even now he's just text me from work to apologise and tell me that we will 'fix this'. Ha ha 6 more days to go....... Thanks everyone

@Jake05 - Totally agree with you and I'll remember this when things do get tough again and I feel like I'm losing my courage! We can't change anything and we just have to move on. At least we've got each other for support.

@Yellowshirt - I was so sad to read your story. My stbx is a cold hearted twat who never displays any emotion. Hopefully in time we'll find someone who will make us smile again

@eve34- thanks so much for your support too. I've read some of your other posts on other threads. You sound amazing and strong.

Thanks to everyone else too. Using my phone to update and can't remember everyones names ☺

@AugustRanger I get everywhere me. 😀. Even now I still need to talk it through. I know it will get easier. And I need to move on too. Someday.

Good you have a plan. Don't feel bad. Make sure you have everything you need before the weekend. My ex was a big drinker. And think it went a long way with the problems too. But it isnt anything to do with me now.

Good luck for Saturday