String of lies on Form E

[NotBeingRobbed]

We’ve exchanged Form Es and my ex’s is a pack of lies - not stood up by the statements he’s provided.

To sum up: several pension funds missing, salary underestimated by £10k, bank balance £3.5k less than it was, various valuable chattels missing, very round figures. Money transfers to friends and associates.

He says he spends £500 a year on gifts for the children. They got nothing at all for Christmas.

How would the court view this?

You have the opportunity to do a questionnaire ahead of the FDA where you can ask questions.

Yes, I am preparing questions now. My own form is very detailed and accurate.

I have done all this @NotbeingRobbed and quite frankly it was a waste of time and money . At second hearing I thought we were discussing the questionnaire etc but no my ex was keen to thrash out a settlement there and then to avoid final hearing.

How can he lie when I am told I have to be scrupulously honest? How can he demand 65% and leave me with children to support??

You will find that the court will frown upon it but won't actually do anything about it. The judge will take a view if he or she thinks he is being dishonest. If your ex is PAYE it will be difficult to hide earnings, which seems to be the main bone of contention. You will easily spend more than the amounts you're talking about if you go to a final hearing.

Just be thankful he doesn't have overseas assets to hide like my ex did.

mine does @xzcvbnm He has offshore accounts that miraculously have no money in as all been spent !

So nobody cares about dishonesty. It costs too much to challenge anything and I can just be robbed of my life savings by a liar. Great system!

In my divorce, my ex did the same and I challenged him (With evidence) in court. The judge came down on him like a ton of bricks and stressed the seriousness of lying in a court of law and on legal documents. He also put a note about it in the file, then a few months later when it was clear he lied again on another form the judge threatened to prosecute him for perjury as it was the second time he had lied in court/on documents. The judge eventually awarded in my favour c. 90%/10%.
There were other judges on other occasions who let him get away with things but fortunately it all came right in the end.

My ex blatantly squirrelled away his money and so Form E was a joke. However, I just couldn't afford to argue it legally. He was also a Chartered Accountant so knew exactly what he was doing!

Form E's are meant to be exchanged simultaneously so that the partners can't tailor their replies (lies) after seeing the other partner's Form E first. Did not happen in my case. Ex's Form E was not seen until day of Final Hearing.

All lies about no money or property existing in Ex's native Country. However, photos her family had posted on FB of them living at the house soon shattered the lie that there was no property. Copies of Western Union transfers to her native country soon shattered the lie about there being no money.

Most of my Legal costs were deducted from the Settlement figure. So Ex lost out big time.

It was a long drawn out process, but honesty won the day.

My ex has stalled every step of the way cost me ££ in solicitor fees, he wants me to give up , no full disclosure in form E I am 3 years on and now living on benefits waiting for interim maintenance order at court, as the hearing was held up due to pension actuary report, he lives the luxury life good income savings, I was the stupid wife who trusted him, all my income went into joint account which is now on hold and he left it overdrawn anyway, it is highly unfair system for wife’s who worked part time raised the children and supported husband career, I have a long term health condition hence I am signed off for the foreseeable future, I have always worked when my health allows it , been constantly struggling financially for 3 years, oh yeah he has the house and everything in it as I had to be the one to leave, he refuses to sell .

Julcol - you're not alone and I know how you feel. I left my ex in March 2014. He earns £100k plus a year. Last year I earned around £17,500K. I have our two boys exactly 50:50 (decided by the courts) so no maintenance of any description due. Long story short, we are still in a damp rented two-bed almost five years on while he remains in the ex-marital exec five-bed family home with his unemployed gf.
Do you receive anything at all from your ex financially? How are you managing re housing?
Hope things get better for you x

To Julcol

Don't despair too much. Courts have the power to award costs against persons who have been obstructive and unnecessarily prolonged the divorce proceedings. Courts can also order that property has to be sold.

To Ella

I guess many high earners push for 50:50 shared care not for the benefit of the children, but purely to avoid child maintenance? If your Ex earns 100K and you are on 17.5K was there not an argument for Spousal Maintenance?

It’s a nightmare! I’m in shared accommodation at the moment can’t afford to rent my own place, he has never paid me anything despite the grown up children asking him, he’s a narcissist part of why I left. It’s so unfair this system and now no legal aid , he has good solicitor who works at his girlfriends partnership firm but obviously he gets advice from her too , his costs are nothing compared to mine, so sorry for your situation with 2 little ones.
I barely manage after rent and bills, my daughter has lent me some legal fees but I will soon have to litigate in person, xx

I know the feeling 😢 We managed to rent a small two-bed with the help of my mum paying the deposit. Still here five years on and it's still damp with mould on walls!
To answer previous q, as ex has fiddled Form E it came across as he was only earning about £23k a year so no, nothing in way of SM payable. He did this I believe by setting up his own business and asking family to look after money until divorce sorted. However, no way I could afford to challenge this is court. Same as OP, I ended up having no choice but to self-represent.
And yes, ex is all about control. Ex controlled me in my marriage (once he took away my card so I couldn't buy anything for example and told me just to drink water, he used to wake me up in tbe early hours demanding I clean the oven). Truth is, he still gets to control, just now remotely.

Yes it’s all about control, and they know we can’t afford to challenge, the courts may not look favourable in their behaviour but little is done from what I have researched in cases like ours, the lower earners and stay at home parents suffer terribly, it’s like the Victorian times men control us , thank full you have your mum x

To Ella

Setting up as self employed or a Limited Company seems to be difficult for CMS to deal with as people can control what they pay themselves. Often they put through their businesses personal expenses to reduce profits as good accountants know all the legitimate ways to reduce profits.

ella1980 your situation sounds so tough.

Just don't get people like your ex - what a shit Dad - utterly appalling- that is what I think.

I don't get people who hide assets.

This is why women need to be financially independent.

I say this as a sahm who wants to get back to full time work ASAP.

I really hope you realise that he does not control you now and wish you every future success.

I try not to let him control me but in a way he still does because we're still living in unsuitable accommodation five years on. I work ft as a teacher but it's still not enough to get any sort of mortgage. See below for just some of what we have to put up with 😢

The stories here are so common and children suffer as a result.
Ex lied on Form E for salary to tune of 100k, zero reaction from the judge. All too common it seems plus Ex's expensive purchases post separation were all ignored. He could happily have a shiny new motorbike and a boat but was allowed to dispute his ability to pay school fees (which were less than said purchases) .

The only claim the Judge dismissed was with Ex's plead that he could only get a small mortgage, despite income of 000k p.a.

I suspect there will be a review in a few years and the recent judgements will highlight how badly mothers and children have been treated. I know of cases where the financial outcome has plunged the mum and children into dire financial straits yet the husband lives in comfort. There may have been a need for a "correction" especially in the case of spousal for life but the pendulum has mostly swung too far.
There are some fairer settlements but it now appears rare.

Women are consistently worse off post divorce because of their childcare responsibilities. The type of men who force settlements to court are probably without a conscious so nothing bothers them, except their own self interest.

I agree. When I first left ex I had 89p in my bank account and that was all had. Literally. I remember walking around the supermarket trying to hold back the tears.

Ella1980 As I said earlier when I hear of stuff like this, and in your situation specifically, I think what a completely shit of a Dad. What a complete utter utter shit of a Dad.

Black mould for fucks sake.

I mean how could someone do this to their own kids and mother of their children if they earn a six figure salary.

It must get you down but you are contributing to society in ways that your ex never will. I hope your children wake up to all this.

This is all so depressing though but keep going.

I also wonder what the wider family of assholes like yours are like.

My husbands family are well off. My husbands parents have made a point of sending me money from time to time while I have been a stay at home mum.
It goes to my account.

They are so lovely and even they tell me - keep your own money - a woman should have some independence. We are sending this for you to do what your want with as we know you are being a sahm. You don't need to tell him if you don't want to but we want to help you.

I just know that if anything happened with me and my husband and I were to divorce they would help me if I needed it - even if he didn't.

But when I was working I used to issue contracts for senior hires - I never forget an executive coming to me and asking me to delay a massive bonus payment as he was getting divorced and wanted it delayed until after everything was settled. The bastard wanted me to change the wording in his contract. I didn't.

I made sure his boss (and my boss) know what I thought of him and I know my boss thought he was an asshole and at that time we didn't promote assholes if we could help it.

ella1980 and the others having to deal with such selfish narcissist assholes I am sorry that my last post was a bit too much me me me.

Can't really get my head around black mould for a teacher ella1980 -it is just sickening and so wrong - I wish you the very best future and much strength.

Hi help4

No need to apologise, I know how hard it must be for you too. My ex in-laws did not like me because I didn't conform to what my ex expected of me. For example, when I went back to work half a day a week after having my first son my ex FIL went mad, telling me my duty was to stay at home and look after my son and my husband and that I ought to forget my career. Thank goodness I didn't!

Your in-laws sound lovely and very supportive of you in your role as a SAHM :)

My ex still tries very hard to poison my sons against me, particularly my eldest. He buys him soooooo much material stuff and says "Your mum can't even afford to get you your own bedroom" etc... Ex also asks my son why we are still in a two-bed house when I have enough money to move because in court "the judge made dad give mum loads of dad's money". The reality is, what I got from my ex in terms of settlement was simply not enough. Why would I chose to live like this for goodness sake?

My ex is just vile. When my kids first met my now fiance, ex suggested to them that he could basically be a paedo and to watch out for him. It really scared them. He made ridiculous claims to the school nurse - for example, that my fiance was hugging my sons and that they didn't like it. Absolute lies and all again about control and trying to destroy my life! My fiance joked to me that perhaps my ex would like a copy of his Enhanced DBS which he has to have for working with vulnerable adults and volunteering.

When my fiance recently came to a parents' evening with me upon my request (and because I still feel frightened if I have to even briefly pass my ex), my ex messaged my son (and I quote): " is a retard, parents' evening is for parents). This is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have very dark thoughts and sleep for me is often difficult; some nights I frequently only manage about 3-4 hours. I am having counselling but it's not really helping as I just can't accept that what my ex has got away with is acceptable.

Fair play to you for sorting out that idiot at work trying to mess with his contract! :)

Ella xx

Women are consistently worse off post divorce because of their childcare responsibilities. The type of men who force settlements to court are probably without a conscious so nothing bothers them, except their own self interest

My dh forced a court settlement as his ex’s form e was a pack of lies. She basically gave about 30k to her new boyfriend and said she’d spent it, got the house undervalued, and also said she was living on her own (but never ever buying groceries, petrol, mobile phone, or any day to day spending).

Got to court and the judge said he knew what she’d done, but there was no proof she hadn’t spent the money, and none that new bf was living there. So he ruled she couldn’t afford to buy dh out the house and he got nothing. She was supposed to give him his personal possessions back too but never did.

I always think in divorce it’s the one with no ethics who wants the marriage to break up that behaves like a shit.