String of lies on Form E

[NotBeingRobbed]

We’ve exchanged Form Es and my ex’s is a pack of lies - not stood up by the statements he’s provided.

To sum up: several pension funds missing, salary underestimated by £10k, bank balance £3.5k less than it was, various valuable chattels missing, very round figures. Money transfers to friends and associates.

He says he spends £500 a year on gifts for the children. They got nothing at all for Christmas.

How would the court view this?

ella hope you can sleep well tonight your deserve to sleep well.

What a total dickswab of an ex.

It is brilliant you kept working. I bet though that your determination really fucks him off.

Why else would he revert to such awful snide and sickening comments? He can't be a happy person if he gloats.

Ps: I always always thought they would have separate parents meeting would be held so women didn't have to see an abusive ex but I guess that can be difficult for the school.

Yes I am so so lucky with my in-laws. So very lucky. They live in a different country but they are totally brilliant. They have a true partnership and both worked full time until retirement but are brilliant people.

I can't wait to return to work though.

I look at women like you and I just think you are fantastic.

You got out. You got out.

You are working and mothering.

You may have the black mould and it is fucking unfair (and says so much about your 100k a year ex) but you are helping your situation.

You got out of an abusive relationship and as exhausting and unfair life is,
that is fantastic.

Aw thanks so much for your kind words, help4, they have made me smile.

I sometimes feel like I'm a failure as a mother although I've always tried my hardest-I feel like I should be able to give my kids a bigger house and nicer holidays etc.

But I hope what I have given them is the message that women can be strong, they can be entirely self-sufficient and independent. I was on my own for three years and I did it! I was told I didn't stand a chance, that if I left my ex I would fall apart with immediate effect, but I proved them wrong. And, perhaps most importantly, I hope I have taught my children that we all deserve to be treated with respect. I hope that together my fiance and I help them to see what a loving, supportive relationship should look like. My ex may have money, but these things he cannot give them. I only hope that when my boys are old enough they see that love isn't about what you can buy but what you can give for nothing.

My fiance has been my rock and continues to be, his patience is never-ending. I have been left with much mental scarring which means that I struggle with things other people in relationships can just do-for example, I still find it hard to initiate a cuddle or a hand-hold because my ex pushed me away every time I tried to display physical affection like that. I get very anxious when I hear someone walking behind me and jumpy if somebody walks towards me quickly (my ex used to run at me like this frequently in an attempt to intimate me). I am having to try to slowly 'unlearn' the belief that I am "A useless freak that nobody will ever want" (my ex's words). I still find it hard to say "I love you" face-to-face because although I know without doubt I do love my fiance unconditionally and without reserve, my heart somehow can't deal with running the risk of being broken so badly again. I'm working on it but it's going to take time.

I still have very dark days (there's other difficult stuff going on with serious illness in my family), and there are certainly times when I wonder what on earth I have done to deserve losing my wonderful children for half of the time (except from leave an abusive man). It's so hard being without your kids for 7-11 days at a time. I am finally getting counselling because ultimately all I want is to be the best mum/fiancee/daughter I can be.

My ex can take away my kids unfairly, he can take away my home and all of my possessions, he can intimidate me and mock me. But I will not let him take away my spirit. I will fight on x

It’s not just SAHMs who lose out. I work, earn more than my ex but have sole care of the kids and all the expenses. He wants 65% of our assets and to stop paying maintenance. He seems to think our son at uni lives on air - no contribution towards him. No Xmas presents, nothing. He resents paying for our daughter. I face losing my life savings. So I won’t be in the black mould category but we will struggle now.

That sounds really unfair, NotBeingRobbed. Kids cost money, full stop! They don't stop suddenly costing money when they are at uni!!

Do you earn a lot more than your ex? I work ft but my earnings (and earning potential) are far lower than his. Last year for example he earned 100k plus and I just under 18K.

To Ella1980

Maybe send photos to your ex?

I am not a family solicitor, but if your ex is on 6 figure earnings maybe you should seek advice on the maintenance he should pay? Or maybe you have had enough of courts and feel they are a waste of time based on previous experience?

My Ex made our Divorce a contest and a fortune was wasted on Legal fees which was money I would have rather seen go to ex and child.

However, I pay the correct CMS figure and Spousal Maintenance as I am on 6 figure earnings and ex works 16 hours per week on minimum wage and is on benefits too. She was able to buy a house with the settlement, but could have been mortgage free had she not blown a fortune in the courts.

I pay extras for child such as; Birthday, Christmas, Hobbies, School trips and ticket to visit his grandparents in Ex's native Country.

Myself and child's grandparents pay the maximum allowable amount into his Child Trust Fund so that when he is 18 he will have money for University, Deposit on a house or whatever else he chooses.

Logic is that Divorce was not fault of the child so why should they suffer? Likewise if child's mother is struggling then child will also be suffering. Guess some parents care and some don't?

Sounds like you have been one of the unfortunate ones and ended up with a total piece of selfish sh*t.

Good luck.

To sum up: several pension funds missing, salary underestimated by £10k, bank balance £3.5k less than it was, various valuable chattels missing, very round figures. Money transfers to friends and associates

These are questions that you should raise at the FDA.

Courts will take into account unusual transactions that your ex can't explain.

In my case ex did not provide bank statements as the FDA Judge ordered. At Final Hearing judge made the sensible assumption that as ex had not provided her bank statements then the money I had transferred to her account still existed.

Good luck

As courts decided 50:50 shared custody for the kids CMS state absolutely no maintenence is due. Unfortunately his earnings are irrelevant. Ex finds it highly amusing that we have to live like this-it was, after all, my choice to leave him so therefore I must suffer the consequences. He doesn't care about anything else apart from finding any way to make me suffer. He even claims Child Benefit for one child so I can only receive it for the other. The courts are a disgrace IMHO.

Friends stbexh (own business) has put down he is on a very very low salary (works out as £1.81 per hour) do friend cannot claim any maintenance.

However he then says he had paid out around £40,000 per year putting his children through private school.

He has lied on every form.

It took friend and I 2 days going through a letter disproving every line of lies and getting together evidence to show the lies.

3 years on she is facing a 3rd hearing.

What I am surprised at is although her stbexh abused her physically, emotionally and financially he will not answer any questions about that behaviour equally it won’t impinge on what he will get.

For that the courts aren’t interested

He even claims Child Benefit for one child so I can only receive it for the other

How was he able to do that if you are the Main Carer of the children?

I'm not...Courts decided exactly 50:50 shared care.

Friends stbexh (own business) has put down he is on a very very low salary (works out as £1.81 per hour) do friend cannot claim any maintenance

If he is self employed or operating through a Ltd Company then he can control what he pays himself. Sounds like your friend may need to ask CMS look again at his Tax Return to see if he has unearned income such as Dividends and if so apply for a Variation.

What I am surprised at is although her stbexh abused her physically, emotionally and financially he will not answer any questions about that behaviour equally it won’t impinge on what he will get

Courts seldom take into account what caused the Divorce when financial orders are made. However, if there is evidence of Domestic Violence or one partner running up large debts it may affect the settlement?

Although dv has to in reality be physical to be proven. I suffered coercive control for years but non-provable so not taken into account.

I'm not...Courts decided exactly 50:50 shared care

Child Benefit is means tested and from memory the reduction starts when someone earns £50,000 or more and is eliminated completely when someone earns £60,000 or more. If your ex earns £100,000 sounds like he has claimed fraudulently?

I suffered coercive control for years but non-provable so not taken into account

There is always more to a Divorce than what comes out in Court. High earners are in a position to abuse their lower earning partners on basis that the Lower Earner may be afraid to end up worse off after Divorce.

It seems the person who makes the more outrageous claim is able to abuse the other - thinking they will settle for fear of the costs. They system is broken.

I am so sorry all you guys are going through this it all sounds very unfair
Can I ask would a court rule for a husband to get the home? the mortgage is in his name with me having registered interest land registry meaning he can't do anything without me, we been married 25 years and have two girls, history of DV and a non mol in place. He has a career and I have been the main carer giver for all that time, hes been allow to further his career I haven't/

I don't have any saving, we never paid for a pension for me, he has huge pensions

A friend worried me, as he is maintaining all the bills I can't lost my job so would they rule he would get the house and therefore that is where the childrens home is.

To Emmab4233

That the house is in husbands name does not make any difference. It will still be considered a Joint Asset.

What are the age of the two girls? If under 18 and you are the main carer that might go in your favour. If they are over 18 courts will likely ignore.

If your husband has huge pensions and you have none at all I can't see him being able to keep the house as well unless there is very little equity. However, if your husband has sufficient capital to buy you out and it is sufficient to buy a house you need then you will likely be expected to move out and find a house elsewhere even if the children are under 18 as what happened in my case.

Good Luck

It seems the person who makes the more outrageous claim is able to abuse the other - thinking they will settle for fear of the costs

Disagree with that statement. My Ex's expectations were completely outrageous as three different judges pointed out. At Final Hearing most of my legal costs were deducted from the settlement figure. After settlement was passed to ex's solicitor they took a huge bite. Overall she was about 35K worse off.

To Micah

Sounds like your DH was done over. However, bit surprised about the house being under valued. Could DH not have got a valuation of his own?

The 30K is a bit odd too. The Ex said she gave it to new BF, but then spent it herself? Did the Ex not have to provide bank statements?

He wants 65% of our assets and to stop paying maintenance

Financial orders are based on what assets are available and what people need as opposed to what they want. If there is insufficient to go round then both partners will have to adjust their lifestyle accordingly (ie downwards).

If you are the main carer your Ex will have to pay child maintenance for any children under 18 (or 19 if they are still at school doing A levels).

Most children are 18+ when they go to University and classed as Adults. No legal obligation for either parent to pay towards University costs. Although is reality most students rely on help from parents, but some manage to get through by themselves. They may have to if parents are not working.

If your ex is working and does not want to help with his children's University costs then you have been one of the unfortunate ones who married a stinker.

I have offered 50% - enough for him to buy a house outright. I’ve not asked him for uni costs - although you are right that only a stinker wouldn’t help. I will be helping with those. He still wants more. Pure greed and unjustified.

To NBR

If the 50% you have offered is enough for your ex to buy a house that is sufficient for his needs then I don't rate his chances of being awarded 65% taking into account the length of the marriage and fact that you have a child under 18 who has special needs?

If the court considers he has unreasonably rejected a fair offer they may order him to pay your legal costs?

Good luck

MissedTheBoatAgain

Friend has done all that. It is a mainly cash business so everyone suspects but nothing can be proven

It is a mainly cash business so everyone suspects but nothing can be proven

This is why the decision to remove the Variation for Lifestyle not being consistent with declared earnings should have been given more thought considering there is an ever increasing number of people working Self Employed. Easy for Self Employed who work cash in hand to cook their books.

Even those who work through Limited Companies can control their income by paying minimum salary that avoids Tax, but enables NI credit and deciding how much to pay in Dividends.

None of the above applies to PAYE.