Caught dh lying to me for the final time give me the strength to leave please

[Alfiemoon1]

It’s a long and pathetic story that has gone on for 3 years regarding what could and should be an innocent friendship between dh and a female friend v. To cut a long story short as it’s been flogged to death on relationships board dh works nights so we only spent 2 nights per week together he struck up a friendship and I got naffed off with him spending it all texting ow call her v giggling at private joke etc so I asked him to tone it down nothing more no issues with him having female friends etc

He didn’t tone it down he just became secretive switched to WhatsApp so it wouldn’t show on the phone bill. Called her the minute he went to work met up with and lied when my work colleague sent me a picture of them together. It’s been lie after lie deleted messages etc. He’s left home 4 times in defence of this new friendship he’s lied to her claiming I’ve said things I haven’t and seems to have enjoyed the attention and shitstorm he has created to him it’s all about digging his heals in as I can’t tell him who he can be friends with

The last time he moved out claiming to be opening his own bank account me and the kids would be left penniless I told him to get on with it found his Id he spent the day wondering round claiming to depressed and came home with his tail between his legs vowing to never contact her again it was more trouble than it was worth

Fast forward to a week ago I go in his wallet to get his store discount card to do my Christmas shopping he swears blind he doesn’t know it’s there he’s not in contact with her fast forward to today he stupidly takes a call in the car when it ends it shows his call log her number is there from Saturday he lied said it wasn’t her number until I suggested we called it. He said she had randomly called him no other contact asked for him to unlock his phone he refused he was itching to get away from me delete it all which is suprising as he usually did only her messages automatically so he flashed the messages a mile away from my face and so quick I couldn’t read them and then pressed delete

I am heartbroken all over again but I will never trust him again someone give me the strength to leave and advise me how to about it I am so hurt once help me find my ager towards him

[FamilyReferee]

What is she reporting you to the police for? I can't see from what you've said that they'd have any interest? Which law have you broken?

[wintersontheway]

Hang on one minute... YOU are not in the wrong with all of this , your husband should know better than to be doing what he's doing , poor other women having a rant because you (yes maybe keep off fb) had a moment and did a status but you haven't named her .. I wouldn't worry, I'd be more concerned that you want your husband to stop being a knob to you and get yourself and the kids sorted. He's never going to change, she shouldn't be carrying this on, they deserve on another. No doubt he's had a go at you for fb, tell him to fuck the fuck off because if it wasn't for him this would never have happened. Kick that bastard out!!
Police can't do much , no names. be strong 💪

[RandomMess]

You haven't named her, there apparently is nothing going on so what exactly can she report you to the police for???

Talking about having a guilty conscience!

[Alfiemoon1]

Thanks for reassuring me yes my first thought was guilty conscience.

[inlectorecumbit]

The police will not be interested at all, No names were mentioned - so it's her guilty conscience talking.
Reactivate your FB but be careful what you post on there.
Your honest husband is gone, he won;t come back. in fact he has been gone for a long time now.
Crack on with the divorce (long overdue) and turf the 2 of them out your life.

[Flower64]

I’ve not seen your history but I threw my narcissistic lying cheating husband out almost six months ago. I’m having counselling for my self esteem as it hit an all time low.

Please look at what you’ve said there - my husband is mad with me because how OW has fallen out with him. Because you complained about his lack of ability to be faithful to you!? I’m all for keeping it calm and dignified on social media but you’re hardly the one in the wrong here.

No one deserves to be lied to or cheated on x

[Alfiemoon1]

Thanks everyone I just find it hard as it wasn’t a physical affair they didn’t even sext it could have been an open honest friendship like many others he has that I have no problems with in the beginning all ask was for him to tone it down a bit and it has spiralled from there to lying hiding it all leaving 4 times shit stirring with her slagging me off her so last time he came back I said it was based on the fact he was no longer in contact with her no matter how innocent I was sick of the lies the drama he agreed but obviously couldn’t or rather wouldn’t stick to it which again makes me feel like his friendship with her is worth more than his marriage

[Alfiemoon1]

It just seems like such a waste of a long marriage for nothing they haven’t got it on in 4 years and I don’t think she even wants to she has a boyfriend it’s dh who seems to have lost the plot but she eggs him on in slagging me off

[AnyFucker]

which again makes me feel like his friendship with her is worth more than his marriage

This has been as clear as day for years

[Overseasmom100]

OP sadly it sounds like he has already 'checked out' of your marriage. He hasnt given this OW up at all. He has no respect for you. Deep down you know what you need to do. Listen to the advice on here, it will help you. Sending you hugs

[Knockerefc]

You have done nothing wrong at all. The police will say there is nothing they can do.
I wish there was somewhere even more open and get more public attention than Facebook because I'm absolutely desperate to hurt her and her family and her little boyfriend for everything they have put me through.
This weekend she even turned round and wanted to discuss divorce and said it was my own fault as I was really difficult to live with! She thinks she is untouchable.
I'm so so angry.
I agree with your feelings of wasting your marriage to be honest. I feel exactly the same.
The sleepless nights and feeling of loneliness are hard but I agree with others about respecting your self.
No one deserves to be lied to and cheated on.

[Alfiemoon1]

Well I haven’t been arrested yet lol. Maybe the fact I still have her abusive text messages calling me mental and another few choice words put her off reporting me or maybe the fact I never named her just dh behaviour I even said I liked her when I met her but he kicked off and refused for me to contact her as the horse arrangements were between the 2 of them. That’s when he started telling her stuff I hadn’t said to shit stir. When in fact I did more of the horse care than he did it’s not even his feckin horse my sister bought her for dd and then when our arrangement wasn’t working dd sorted something else out he had the flaming cheek to not speak to dd for a few days because his special friend was upset we weren’t looking after her bloody horse 90 % of the time.

[TheSquiffyQuiff]

If you are the lady with the daughter with the horse in the same stable as the OW....stop torturing yourself with this idiot!!! Stop worrying about what he says / she says. Don’t believe another word that comes out of his mouth. He is not a good person. And she’s a dick too and not worth your time thinking about!

[Alfiemoon1]

Yes I am the same lady except now we have our horse elsewhere not because of her it closed and her horse is miles away as it’s on full on loan so no need for them to be in contact anymore I don’t work weekends so I can go dog walking with him rather then him meeting her behind my back but for some reason all of this is still going on gggrr

[Knockerefc]

Thats why im so angry with my wife. She has forgotten the debt she got in my name(£20000) the affair and the black eye she gave me and has instead told lies about me and blaming me!
I'm in such a mess over it all. Not sleeping and eating properly.
I literally feel like after 14 years together I've lost everything and my wife is booking holidays and threatened now that I can't use the car we still share.
I'm a little confused over the horse. Is it yours and your children's horse?

[Alfiemoon1]

It’s dd horse. I know the feeling about being in a mess I am not sleeping or eating either but still having to put a brave face on and go to work in a new job it’s horrible every time he lies I feel like this while he thinks he’s done nothing wrong

[Alfiemoon1]

He really has dug himself into the most horrific hole for nothing it was probably is and probably would only ever have been an innocent friendship that I would have had no problems with. Rewind right back to the beginning I asked him to tone it down as due to him working nights we only see each other twice a week and I got fed up with being glued to his phone laughing at private jokes between if only he had done just that instead of all the shit he has done over the last few years everything would be fine

I can’t honestly believe after every he has put me through when I found out the other he was back in contact he had the audacity to say we can all be friends we can walk the dogs together you can get to know her I will be open and honest about my communication with her seriously? That’s offer is 4 years to late

[Alfiemoon1]

He has backed himself in to a corner now his previous threats were to open up his own bank account To put his wages into even gave him the id stuff he bottled it spent the day depressed wondering round on his bike with his phone switched off I have now gone to work full time and have opened my own account to have my wages paid into and transfered my direct debits to. Another threat he will get a flat and leave I have told him now I am working full time just let me know how much the deposit bond whatever is and I will transfer it to the landlord he won’t have a done anything he’s just he’s just burying his head in the sand making things difficult for me while he here as he’s sulking she’s fell out with him as I posted the truth on Facebook about him

[Alfiemoon1]

Really struggling tonight just before all this kicked of I changed jobs going from 16 hours a week to full time. I don’t feel like i know what I am doing having been in my previous job 13 years I am struggling to fit everything in like the dog hasn’t been walked toDay he’s still not speaking to me obviously I he would never apologise but usually after a few days speaks to test the water and there was an accident near my work yesterday I got diverted on my way home and it was my friends 20 years old son who has been killed. Sorry I am just feeling very down and unloved at the moment

[RandomMess]

these periods of struggling are normal. Could you get a dog walker?

[RandomMess]

Very sad about your DF son, life is so precious.

What is it going to take for him to move out do you think? Press on with the divorce papers.

[Alfiemoon1]

Yes I am going to arrange a dog walker. Everything just seems so stressful feel out of my comfort zone in my job they keep changing things plus the increase in hours and now all this has kick off again i feel like I am struggling to cope I have started my ads again so hopefully things will improve. I feel guilty for moaning and feeling like this now I have heard about df sons

[Alfiemoon1]

I can’t cope anymore I am full of a cold which I have had for 6 weeks so I am sat outside the doctors in tears so no doubt I will loose my job as I am on probation as well

[abbsisspartacus]

You need to breathe you might not lose your job my friend passed out on her first day had a full blown panic attack and still kept the job for years!

Ok questions, why are you referring to him as your husband? The way he is acting he doesn't see you as his wife

Why is it all her fault for "egging him on" he is a grown man not a schoolchild

Why is he still living with you? Is the house in joint names etc?

Why are you offering to pay his bond? he is a grown man he needs to leave

I bet her boyfriend is hoping you will stay around I guarantee he doesn't trust her either

[abbsisspartacus]

by the way you deserve so much more than this