Do people really pity the person who's been left?

[Abitsadbuthopeful]

So my darling husband (50) has been having an affair for almost a year now with a 23 yr old. I found out in October. I told him people are laughing at him, and he said people feel sorry for me. That really struck a chord with me, am I to be pitied? Is that what folk really think, that he's a stud and I'm sad?? I know I shouldn't have said anything to start him off but he's swanning around like nothing happened and we are still living in the same house.

I think if people feel sorry for you it won't be in a pitying way, they'll feel sorry that he's hurt you.

And no-one will think he's a stud, I can't repeat on here what I'd think of a man who did this to his wife...

I hope you manage to move on and get away from this horrible man

No, people will not think he’s a stud and they will definitely be laughing when it all goes tits up for him, which it will.

I think people will genuinely be concerned for you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

No, he’s a total twat and most people I know and my friendship circle wouldn’t agree with your ex husband and his views.. I would imagine 99.9% of people laughing at him for doing the classic mid life crisis hook up with a teenager.. grim AF and he’s knows it.. you’re sooo much the better person here and I should imagine no one is looking at him enviously, and if they are they’re not worth you’re time..

But OP, I don't understand what's so bad about people feeling sorry for you? If you were my friend, yes, I'd be feeling sorry that your husband had betrayed you and hurt you and let you down.

Everyone will be equally pitying of and disgusted by him. But mainly disgusted by. People will think it's a ghastly thing he's done to you, but they won't be 'pitying' you.

People may have sympathy for the situation he put you in, yes.

They'll also think he's a dirty old bastard.

Seriously, OP, the man is deluded, he's deluding himself and is trying to make you see the situation through his delusion.
I think I would only pity you in the sense of being tangled up with a deceitful twat.

Are you going to divorce the idiot, Abitsad? I'm sure it'll take a while to get your head round, but you can't let him get away with it.

What an arsehole.

It shows that he is not content enough in his own skin to believe it is possible to be happy and single.

As if a 23 year old is going to stick with a 50 year old. In a few years you will be finding your stride. You will have created a fulfilling life and he will not have undergone any personal growth at all.

Ps im single and 48 and i never think about whether people pity me! I feel I have it good so if they do they must not be living as consciously as i am or they suffer from loneliness which is a terrible affliction.

Oh no, he's pathetic, an embarrassment to himself. I can't pity a woman whose lost a shit of a husband. If your husband was a good, honest man, and actually an adult, and something dreadful happened to him like being mangled in the business end of a combine harvester then I'd feel sad for you, but not pity. I think pity is reserved for people who are feeling the consequence of their own stupidity, like your dh may well soon enough.

I would feel very sorry for you, yes.

But only because your husband is such a twat.

I'd feel rage on your behalf, that your DH behaves so badly to you.

I would in no way admire him, quite the opposite. I'd despise him for his shallow ness.

They will feel sad and sorry for your heartache.

They will think he is an utter bastard.

I’d feel sorry for you because he’s a knob and you deserved better, I’d think he was scum, and I would pity the other woman....

I would feel sorry for you because you deserve better, not in a pitying way, in a fuck, imagine how that would feel way.

They'd think that he was a complete idiot, a bastard, and think he's deluded and a bit ridiculous to run after this girl. I'd also never trust him again. I'd be laughing at his stupidity, if his actions didn't cause such heartache elsewhere.

They'd probably think you were well rid of such an idiot, and hope that you found someone nice one day in the future.

My friend is in your situation

I was so pleased for her when he fessed up and ran off with a woman half his age. He was a typical self important businessman. Shagging his secretary.

He was a monumental dick and not nearly good enough for her.

She was devastated at first, but slowly realising that actually she is in a much better position now without the emotional deadweight.

I don't understand why you would believe anything he says. He's been lying to you for ages and now he says something and you hang on every word!!
Come on OP wake up.

People will be sorry he's done this to you but he will be a laughing stock. What a cliche. Hope you're ok.

People will or be thinking "what s stud" I can 100% assure you of that.

And they will be feeling sorry for you but not pitying you. That's different.

Op you know he's a liar so remember that every time he opens his mouth. He's lying.

Something similar happened to an acquaintance recently. She's devastated. Most people (men and women) think he's an arse, and tbh, have always wondered what she sees in him, because it's been obvious to us for years that he's a bit of an idiot, whilst she's an intelligent, good-looking woman with a lot going for her, if only she could see it.

People will be sorry for you in a good way, not a cringe way, and they'll think he's a total dick. Don't listen to his bullshit.

Forget the pity subject.

A more significant decision needs to be made. Are you going to stay with this man or not?

Stay with him and you will soon become a doormat.

People will be feeling sympathy for you because your DH has betrayed you and has shown himself to be a sleazy arsehole.

They won't be considering him to be a stud.