Divorce - is not being in love a good enough reason ??

[Melissa74]

So is no longer being in love with each other a good enough reason to seek divorce ?
We have been together a long time & he is the main earner , however we lead separate lives ... he reads at the dinner table & I now either eat earlier / later or whilst watching tv in another room . We have no slept together for 2 yrs although we do share a bed .Do I turn my daughters (17) life upside down or do I muddle along or make a break with all the uncertainty that brings ?

I found that he’s been hiding debt from me (which was secured against the house) for over a year - he’d been intercepting my mail. I also found a jar of cannabis that he’s been smoking. It’s not the first time he’s messed up in either of these areas so it’s pretty much the last nail in the coffin for me.

Also, he moved out on Monday night and the boys haven’t even noticed. Shows how detached he is from us all. Speaks volumes.

Found your OP & left a message .
We are all here for you

Any regrets ? (Think I already know the answer)

Had 10 good years, but all went sour when I moved Wife, Son and Stepdaughter to UK. Wife's native Country was becoming dangerous and not much prospects for Children when they completed their schooling. Son and Stepdaughter soon adapted to UK as young enough to change.

Wife, however, could not settle in UK and was forever going back to her home Country. So it ended in Divorce.

What’s the point of being married if you don’t love him ? Love is what marriage is about!

I walked out on my husband because I didn’t love him, and as soon as I did, it was a wake up call. He thought he loved me but it was just a ring and piece of paper, without love it’s worthless.

So yes, see a solicitor at CAB (free chat for half an hour) and see what she says. It maybe the case that you need to separate for two years before you can divorce. Good luck

What’s the point of being married if you don’t love him ? Love is what marriage is about!

Good point. Once desire has disappeared it is over.

Good luck OP. Hope you are able to move on to a more happy life.

Itsnotme123 How did things work out for you ?
@missedtheboatagain thank you [flowers
@hattie78.. how are things?? Worried about you

I’m ok. Up and down to be honest but I know I’ve done the right thing. We had a chat last night and both agree that the dc are the most important thing and we’re going to do our utmost to keep it amicable for them. We both agree we don’t want to be H&W any more so now just need to sort out the finances and the children. It’s very stressful but it is the right way forward for sure.
How are you?

I love this peeps - the showing support to others that are going/have gone through the journey.

Like others it happened to me, married 21yrs/together 26yrs two kids. He left, my world changed .... no more bitterness, resentment, youngest went off to university, the house had to be sold, I took on more hours at work.

Eight years down the line I have my house, am divorced, work full time, am in contact with both kids and love my life - i have no one to tell me I drink to much if I have more than one glass of wine/no one to talk down to me and the list goes on

Life is short people, do what you have to do to be happy.

@hattie78 Glad to hear you are ok(ish) Bound to be a bit up & down & feeling raw but good you are both on the same page & communicating .
I’m envious .. the decision has been made for you & the journey started . It’s like watching the person in front doing a bungee jump .. I’m rooted to the spot & you have taken the leap .
Do let us know how you are getting on .. we are all rooting for you

We both agree we don’t want to be H&W any more so now just need to sort out the finances and the children

This sounds like a good start. If you and ex are both upfront with disclosure and each have an experienced Solicitors and not turn the finance settlement into a contest you should be able to settle without involvement of the Courts. Based on my own Divorce and listening to others Courts only guarantee two things:

Lots of Stress (hearings can be several months apart and there will be at least three, FDA, FDR and Final Hearing)

Lots of Costs (which reduces the amount left to share out)

Melissa, I have a flat to go to which made it easy to walk out. It’s in my name and there were tenants in the flat who conveniently moved out just as I decided to walk out on hubby. It’s only been 9 months on my own and hubby is being very amicable (to my surprise) so we are in the middle of divorce proceedings. Children are grown up with their own lives.

Melissa, you say it’s like watching the one in front do a bungee jump, which is interesting, because when I left it felt like free falling !

Letsdolunch, I’m so pleased how it’s all worked out so well for you :)

It’s 8.30 am and I’m already wishing today be over !! Have family over got lunch so will plaster on smiles but we H & I haven’t even wished each other Merry Christmas !
Please let next year be a peaceful happy contented Christmas

I wish you as happy a day as possible and lots of best wishes for a brighter future. Me and my boys are doing fine - off to my sister’s shortly. Lots of love and strength x