Husband ending marriage suddenly. Now wants to release equity from the house.

[desanto]

Following from my recent thread detailing the sudden torrent of crap I’ve had dumped on me: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3382893-Out-of-the-blue-DH-not-sure-if-he-loves-me-Gone-away-to-sort-his-head-out?pg=1

Less than two weeks after breaking the news of his departure to me, H has spoken to our mortgage provider who says that we can release £20k in equity from the property. I’m guessing he wants this to pay off some of his debts and put a deposit down on a flat rental.

Apparently we’ll need to go through a new mortgage application, it won’t change the amount of time we have left, and it won’t mean us paying more than we are now. H then threw in the nicely flippant incentive “in fact looking at the deals they have now we could end up paying less” (WOW BONUS). Then asked if I’d be ok with that.

WTAF is this all about? How should I handle it? I had an initial consultation with a solicitor before I got this request who pre-empted it saying I shouldn’t agree to remortgaging. Part of me wants to be strategically cooperative for whatever gets thrown at me further down the line. What are the risks and benefits for each party in remortgaging? For him it means he can get a quick £10k but for me it feels at best unnecessary and at worst risky and naïve.

Don't do it! He wants to squander your joint savings (which is what your equity is) renting a nice flat while he works towards divorce?

Remortgage nothing. Listen to your solicitor.

If you are divorcing then a clean break is preferred but if you are remortgaging that is keeping you tied in together Just because he wants some money now.

I would look longer term at your options eg can you take on the mortgage yourself and heed your solicitor’s advice.

Is there enough income to pay for a rental?

If not I think it might be a luxury he can't afford...could he stay with family?

Upshot is you are reducing the capital available and I think you both would need to inform mortgage co of circumstances changes..i.e him moving out as if its new application they will need to do affordability.

My ex did this however as we had a mortgage that allowed draw downs. It wasn't a massive issue it itself but signalled how selfish/uncooperative he was going to be in the divorce.

Btw, I agreed with everything at the start as hoped we would be amicable..Made zero difference i don't regret it as know I tried to be reasonable but don't do it if it will impact you financially.
Is there enough equity to house yourself and dc?

There's only about £20k equity as we've only been in the house a few years.

Can someone explain the logic and process of me buying him out and vice versa? These terms are being discussed and I don't fully understand. Our intention is that I stay in the house with DD. My income would just about cover the current monthly mortgage repayments, but I guess I could renegotiate the terms for a lower monthly repayment? Does buying him out require that I find half of the remaining money we have left to pay on the mortgage? This is a whole new world to me but I'm smart and I'll get my head around it once I get the facts.

Sorry to hear it’s ended up this way.

To buy him out, you’d need to find or borrow half the equity (so £10k in your case) to repay ‘his’ proportion of money in the house, and get your mortgage provider to agree to transfer the mortgage to your sole name - perhaps extending the term to reduce the monthly payments.

I think it is typical to do this when you’re agreeing the financials in the divorce, which is done as part of the application for decree nisi, iirc. More knowledgeable posters might be able to help with that; in my case there were no assets to split.

Definitely wouldn’t agree to any division of assets beforehand.

So he actually wants to release all the equity from the property? That definitely doesn't sound like a good idea at all to me.

So he can rent a love nest?
Fuck that.

I would do what is best for you. And I guarantee that whatever he wants to do is best for him and screws you over.

But to be sure get some advice

If there’s only £20k equity in the property then he’s only entitled to half of that, not half the total value of the house because you only own that portion of the house, the rest is owned by the mortgage company. You don’t have to release £20k, just £10k. Out of that he should also have to pay half of any administrative fees for renegotiating the mortgage, e.g. solicitors’ fees, building society fees etc. But I would only agree to it as part of a legally enforceable divorce settlement. I wouldn’t want him to come after me for some more equity in the house further down the line.

Hello OP. I’m sorry you’re having such an awful time; it sounds incredibly stressful. I’m afraid I have no expertise in legal stuff, but I think there’s been some good advice here to be cautious. I’m commenting because I’m worried about you being identifiable on these threads - particularly if you’ve posted elsewhere on MN. Could H identify you? Does he know you use MN? I wonder if others think you need to protect yourself a bit in case any information could be used to your disadvantage. Thinking of you.

Ok, so taking all the equity now is not sensible since your ltv will be 100%.

Firstly, start with childcare arrangements, if you are primary carer then he will need to pay cms...but understand his work may now been vulnerable.

Secondly get a list of all of the assets, which includes his business.

Are their pensions?

Can you get the house valued? Do it without him knowing...also get a upto date mortgage statement.
To remortgage you need to get the mortgage company to agree to give you a mortgage on your income/cms only.
If you are are primary parent, can't see why he should get 50% of the equity.
Obviously the big swinger is the money from the business sale.

I'm sorry that this has moved on so rapidly for you desanto it must feel like being in a tornado.

I wouldn't agree to a remortgage, as yet, because you have no idea what your financial position will really be after divorce. It's far to soon to be making major decisions.

Don't agree to anything he suggests without full legal/financial advice.

Also, forget amicable, he isn't your friend any longer.

While this is all horribly new to you, he's obviously been planning and organising his move for some time. he will be emotionally separated from you already and focused on his own needs, he won't be thinking of what is fair or good for you.

If you haven't already, start now to keep a detailed log of events, legal advice etc, this can prove very useful; when things get complicated later.

strategically cooperative

Bloody hell, don't do this. It'll be convenient for him. He wants equity from the house? That's yours too, give him nothing.

He wants to set his new shag pad up with your money.

Do not believe one word from his mouth. Get yourself a solicitor.

He isn't automatically entitled to 50% as you have children don't you? Which are going to stay with you I assume from your other thread? You need to see a solicitor and not agree to anything. My estranged husband called our mortgage provider but I've logged a marital dispute against the mortgage so he cant draw down without my permission!

Yes, he’s only entitled to 10k max, quite possibly less. Tell him to tell his solicitor to talk to yours and refuse to engage further. He’s made his bed and he can bloody well lie on it. If that means sofa surfing well that’s the price he pays.

A final divorce agreement will sort out the nitty gritty of finances and you need to sit tight till then.

And he will know this. That he isn’t entitled to 20k. He’s trying to do you over. The mother of His child. Nice.

Just say no. Are there pensions or other assets?

I would speak to your solicitor again. I've got less than £30k equity in my house and was told by the solicitor that I should get the house without having to buy my dh out due to his earnings and savings and pension. In other words it wouldn't be worth his while as he would have more to lose if I got those instead.

I'd tell him there's no we, he left.
Please don't agree to anything until you see your solicitor.
OP, have you found the ow yet, I remember your other thread.

To me this proves that he has been planning this for a good while , he has it all worked out!

Put you on the back foot by fobbing you off with The Script and while you are still reeling he start spouting rubbish about being a good team?? what was it?? and now, he is expecting you to fork over the equity...

don't do it OP, say no, and see how agreeable he is then...I predict a severe attitude change for the worst I am afraid.

Ditto and so sorry OP.

I bet he gets a lot nastier if you say no.
Just remember he is no longer on your side, you aren't a team and he's had this planned by the sounds of things.
Could ow have given him an ultimatum to leave you.

He is relying on you being amicable to get money out of you. This will not cost you less, it will cost you £20k plus all the extra interest. If you need to move and have 100 ltv how would you pay estate agents/moving fees/stamp duty never mind down payment on another house or rent.

Agree he's been planning this for a while. Listen to your solicitor and do not agree to this.

He is no longer your friend even though he's pretending to be

MsMighty has a good point. His "nice" attitude will disappear as soon as he doesn't get his way. stay strong.

I wouldn't be agreeing to any more debt in my name until I had full disclosure as to where all the money from the sale of his company is or where he has spent it on.

Until you have counselling both joint and individual and my marriage is in dam better place then it is now.

I would also contact the mortgage/bank that you are not at this time agreeing to any changes to these, and set up a password with them so they know it is you and not him trying to do it with out your consent.

I think you have to listen to your solicitor on this as they have the detail. Yours is a complicated case because of the business, he's potentially very rich or insolvent!!

My own view would be that you have very little equity in the home@ £20K. I assume this is c10-15%. I don't think with fees etc you will get a good deal and are just increasing your debt. Financially borrowing for the short term against a mortgage isn't sensible, it costs a lot because of the life of the mortgage. You are usually better off taking out a loan. This would be my reason for saying no along with the complication it will cause for the settlement.

Does he still live with you ? Is this a problem as until he can afford his own place, he is entitled to stay. Maybe you both have an interest in finding a way for him to move out. However it doesn't sound that this is affordable and he shouldn't live off debt. You could be facing the hell of living together until the divorce and money are settled. is this something you can stand?

When does he expect to get the payoff from the business and can he borrow from elsewhere in the expectation he can pay it back?

So a nice and polite no, is my advice. Just explain that you don't think it is advisable until you have both agreed the settlement and it is an expensive way to borrow. But But

This may be a good way to elicit information about the business. So say you will consider it, but you need assurance and more information about the sail.