Husband ending marriage suddenly. Now wants to release equity from the house.

[desanto]

Following from my recent thread detailing the sudden torrent of crap I’ve had dumped on me: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3382893-Out-of-the-blue-DH-not-sure-if-he-loves-me-Gone-away-to-sort-his-head-out?pg=1

Less than two weeks after breaking the news of his departure to me, H has spoken to our mortgage provider who says that we can release £20k in equity from the property. I’m guessing he wants this to pay off some of his debts and put a deposit down on a flat rental.

Apparently we’ll need to go through a new mortgage application, it won’t change the amount of time we have left, and it won’t mean us paying more than we are now. H then threw in the nicely flippant incentive “in fact looking at the deals they have now we could end up paying less” (WOW BONUS). Then asked if I’d be ok with that.

WTAF is this all about? How should I handle it? I had an initial consultation with a solicitor before I got this request who pre-empted it saying I shouldn’t agree to remortgaging. Part of me wants to be strategically cooperative for whatever gets thrown at me further down the line. What are the risks and benefits for each party in remortgaging? For him it means he can get a quick £10k but for me it feels at best unnecessary and at worst risky and naïve.

No - he will spend it on his rental and it will be gone when you are doing a financial settlement. So instead of £20k equity you are splitting , you will have £0k equity to split, or if you split it to give him ‘his’ £10k that would be gone and he could come after half your £10k. And that’s assuming 50/50. So he’s trying to screw you.

Yes exactly, he will be entitled to come after half of your 10, because to reach a settlement, transactions that have already taken place are not taken into account.

My ex was rapidly dwindling the proceeds of a property sale that were in his account - luckily we settled (at the second financial remedy hearing) when we did, as he would have carried on using it up, and hiding bits as I am sure he was doing.

Hold tight and do everything through solicitors. Agree to nothing without it being part of the legally enforcable financial settlement.

My ex is furious that I used solicitors and that I took him to court. He was / is so very manipulative and unpleasant however, that it was the only way for me not to be bullied into whatever on his terms settlement he would have wanted.

So we were in the same house for 9 or 10 months while it was all happening, and it was very very stressful, but I did hold tight, and I now have the clean break and autonomy that I really needed / wanted.

Yes ex and I are on very bad terms and do not speak at all, but I think we would have been on pretty bad terms anyway. He got together with someone else obviously and immediately, and while we were in the same house - he did not give a shit about me.

So yes, not my friend.

Basically I had to go into soldier / grey rock mode throughout the entire thing, but coming out of a marriage where almost all assets were in ex’s name, and he made all large financial decisions without any reference to me, it was the only way to redress the balance and create something more equal.

The divorce has taken its toll, but I would rather that than some weird arrangement of ex’s whereby I would have been somehow beholden to him forever. He suggested some such arrangement in court, but the Judge (who was giving advice, it wasn’t a final hearing) totally didn’t go for it ( still makes me happy to think about that - even though it was almost 7 months ago).

He needs cash. Fair enough.

Document everything including the remortgage.

Settle up between you both at a later date.

I see no need for legal advice here. Just paying for nothing.

So long as its all documented.

The other option is you do nothing and remain trapped forever