Think he will hide money.... feeling unsettled

[Justwantaneasylife]

Hi, I’m feeling quite desperate at the moment. Started divorce proceedings last month and had first mediation appointment (individual one).

My concern is my STBEXH and his money. He kept the family home, earns nearly triple what I earn but he is self employed. He is being overly reasonable at the moment and I just don’t trust him. He has said he will be fair financially and doesn’t want me to struggle but I’m convinced he is hiding money.

How do I prove it? I’m terrified of not getting what I should and continuing to struggle!

As part of the consent order he will have to fill in a form E which details all his finances.
Does he have a ltd company? If so you can get his year end accounts from Companies House website.

Yes he does have a ltd company but only since beginning of this year. It’s not in his nature to be reasonable which is why I’m fretting.

He has an accountant that I know would do a favour for him and I’m frightened of being shafted. I feel so stressed out.

He is living the high life, while I’m trying to make ends meet and I feel so resentful.

Thank you for your advice 😊

Have you got access to any accounts your dc have? That's where my exh hid £££££. Bank are investigating him for fraud.

All the children’s accounts are at my bank as far as I’m aware. I never thought of that. Although I have their birth certificates and passports here with me. Not sure if he’d need those to open accounts for them.

He could even use a family member I suppose, it’s so frustrating.

I actually think you can't be sure he will tell the truth...Form E says you should and you sign it but Ex lowered his salary by 100k and P60 showed it, however if there was substantial change you can go back to court but onerous on you to prove it.

What financially is important to you? I.e getting a house, pension or child
maintenance?

Prioritise what you want and go for that whilst he is reasonable.
Men are mostly better off financially after divorce and that is the reality.You will be ok, I remember feeling so vulnerable when ex stopped all contributions but 18months I feel more confident, you do adjust and I don't care that Ex has so much more money than me...I have more that money can't buy.

Be clear what you think you need, lots of budget spreadsheets and get it sensechecked by a solicitor before any agreement.
Do you have a solicitor?

Anyone can use anyone's bc to open an account but have to sign to state the account is for the benefit of the dc. If he is stashing cash - especially during a break up it is fraud.

My priority is just getting somewhere to call my own, a little house for me and the kids.

I’m not expecting any more than that. I’m on a fairly low income so getting a mortgage will be difficult. I’m privately renting st the moment.

The family home is worth £390,000 and added to what he earns I feel resentful which isn’t in my nature.

I’m not interested in his pension or future earnings I just want an amount to enable me to have a secure future.

You need to be asking for the bulk of the equity, go after the pension - you can use that to negotiate...

I don’t have a solicitor st the moment, I had an appointment with one who basically said it would be 50/50 split and I felt a bit disheartened.

We are due at mediation together in a week so hopefully it might be positive.

I did think about asking for more of the equity but after the solicitors appt I wasn’t as assured. Maybe I need to see another one.

We no starting point is 50/50 but that is before you take into account you being the main carer for the DC, your career taking a backseat for childcare whilst supporting him in yours.

You need a shit hit lawyer recommended!

Sorry what's wrong with 50/50 ?

I take it back lost earning potential ! Sorry

Yep you need a ball breaker of a lawyer. As a previous poster said, go for everything then you can negotiate down to what you want. Or hopefully more than you want!!
The thought of you going after their pension usually means they give more elsewhere.
In my divorce the split ended up 89/11 % of assets in my favour. He also tried hiding things and pushed off the judge by lying. Think that helped! I had a ball breaker lawyer though and did loads of 'research' myself. Being able to prove he lied on his Form E probably helped big time, so if you are able to find out anything about him and his finances then do what you can.
Good luck.

The equity in the house at the moment isn’t very much, it was only bought 2 years ago. It still wouldn’t be enough for me to find somewhere to live.

I stayed at home with the three children throughout their school years and obviously had no income. My youngest is now in Yr 10 so I do work now and have done for the last few years but my salary is quite low, so 50/50 for me at the moment isn’t going to help.

Random mess and jock I agree I need to find a brilliant lawyer, where do I start?? How did you find yours?

Unfortunately, I don’t know if anyone I can ask for recommendations so until I’m actually sitting with them and paying £120 for the privilege I’m stuck!

Problem is that realistically DC still need a home until they are mid twenties, if they go to uni you are still financing them until they are finished.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Advice-and-discussion-forums.html

ask on here

Ask on here

Looking for SHL close to x x x x

Thank you x

Most will do a phone consultation and go for someone you don't want to argue with!
I went for nice & amicable and ex chose an really aggressive solicitor.Bad move for me.

If there isn't much money in the joint pot then it is an issue, especially if children are older as no one can fund it...more a case of can't not won't.

List all the known assets and get a view of your maximum mortgage capability before mediation.
Do you claim tax credits? Have you worked out CMS? Some lenders will allow these as income.Use a broker not individual bank.

He might be required to pay spousal but ir depends on his earnings and if it is affordable.
Can you provide more details?

Thank you lifebegins50 that’s helpful. I will definitely go for the spreadsheet idea, I already know that the maximum amount I’d get for a mortgage is £65,000 but that is through a bank so I’ll also look at a broker.

He has thousands in his account he has told me this verbally, I don’t have any access to his account information and even if I did I couldn’t use the information as I would’ve obtained it in a dodgy way!!

I’m hoping mediation will be a positive step, he seems all for it so I suppose I’ll have to wait and see.

I do claim child tax credit but not sure if that counts.

I’ve started divorce proceedings (early stages) and have been hit with the worst feeling of sadness that has just come out of nowhere.

I’m 100% doing the right thing and I’m completely sure if my decision so why do I keep breaking down? Up until this weekend I’ve been so strong and confident but today I’ve come home from work and all of a sudden I broke down crying uncontrollably.

Why am I feeling like this? He wasn’t an easy person to live with, but all of a sudden when I’m lying in bed at night I’m thinking back to the good times and panicking about not being his wife anymore?!!

Is this normal? Please someone tell me this will pass. We were together for 17 years so maybe it’s the letting go.