I have told my husband that our marriage is over.
He's an alcoholic and so I know this is the right step for me and our child.
The problem I now face, is that he is completely alone. He has no friends.
A while ago, after I begged him to speak to his mum about his issues, he finally did so apparently (he only told me this yesterday), but she she brushed it all off with a comment about him being a "daft sod".
I don't hate him, he has 3 children (2 from a previous relationship, and 1 between us). He needs support right now, and clearly it needs to be from someone other than me.
He said he has been having suicidal thoughts (he said he doesn't want to kill himself but he can't help the thoughts) and I'm terrified he'll act on them.
I really don't know what to do 
I can't be with him, but I don't want him to have noone either
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Divorce/separation
Told husband it's over. He has no support.
Tiddleypops · 11/02/2018 06:33
Is he consistently contributing to household costs??? If not go to CMS so you at least get maintenance and I would seriously put locks on kitchen cupboards and get a fridge lock!
It is very sad that he has developed heart disease the sooner he moves out and is no longer part of your DS life the better
The more DS observes the more likely he is to end up an alcoholic and perpetuating the cycle. Can you set up some counselling for DS to deal with the divorce/drinking? He may not understand but he will "know" something is wrong.
If your STBXH isn't working he can go stay with his mother!
If you live completely separately within the house - do no washing, cooking, ironing etc for him you can claim tax credits as a lone parent - they may not pay willingly but you can prove you are divorcing, price you have a CMS claim etc and you are entitled despite him still residing in your home.
Hope al-anon is still helping you 
Thank you both.
I am doing better at enjoying things in life, and more importantly, not feeling guilty about it (it's bonkers that I ever did, but I think I really was properly crazy for a while!)
With regard to the household finances, he is really really taking the piss and I need to deal with it. Other than buying groceries sometimes, he's paid nothing for the last 2 months.
This is where my next focus must be I think, now that he's made it clear he won't move out.
He seems to have this massive sense of entitlement; why should he move out, this is his house, his son lives here etc. Yet paradoxically, he does not seem to believe he should contribute towards the mortgage for a house he's being told he should move out of.
Oh and if course he wants his 'share' of the equity 
- the equity that isn't his to contribute towards apparently. FFS!
My solicitor pulled him up on this, she is terrifying, I'm so glad she's on my side 😂 And he did offer me some money this week towards some things DS needed and the household bills... So obviously I said yes, here's the details so you can transfer me the money - but as yet, nothing. It was over email so I have it documented. I'll pass it on to the solicitor I think 
Asking for child maintenance is a good call.
Hi OP - just caught up on your thread and I'm sorry it's gone this way. My own DH was told before Christmas (at an A&E visit) that he is teetering on the edge of an alcohol dependency and that he needs to make changes, so a lot of the feelings you've described in the thread have really resonated here. It's scary how universal the script seems to be.
I wish the best to you and your DS (and a happy life free of alcohol-associated arseholery) 
Now the bloody court have lost my divorce application and weeks of my life are disappearing into this hole. They have cashed the cheque so acknowledge it was received, but have no record of my existence beyond the bloody fee being paid. After 3 weeks of chasing and getting no where, I finally spoke to someone very apologetic and helpful last week.
He got email copies of everything while on the phone, said he'd take it all to the judge the following day, ask them to agree to start the divorce with a copy of the marriage certificate (because it's their fault they've lost my original!) and call me back to confirm.
No call back, and so when I called to chase it a few days later, still no record of anything. I've started an official complaint, but that still doesn't get my divorce started and I can't escalate it until they've had 14 days to look into it. FFS! Another two weeks of nothing happening. Given my experience so far, I'm pretty certain they won't even get around to looking at it in that time. It's stuck behind a long list of things that are already not being dealt with.
I'm so fed up. And all the while my H's massive sense of entitlement just seems to grow. Most days he acts as though none of this is even happening - apart from where it suits him of course eg paying very little towards bills because 'why should he'. Oh and that he wants 50/50 shared custody of our son, when (if?!) effectually anything ever happens.
GRUMP 
Thanks @StayingWithAuntySue. You're right, it is about the long game, it's just a bit wearing.
I'm hoping you are right about the 50:50 split too. He does none of the day to day parenting currently, apart from the odd school run. He also works shifts whereas I work flexibly around school. I can't prove his alcoholism as such, because we've not had SS or police involvement. It sounds awful but I wish we had! I think I can raise a case with SS if I'm concerned once he moves out - if he ever does
PS how are you and your DDs doing @pointythings? I hope you are all adjusting to your new normals and continuing to grow
Well he either didn't get it yesterday or he has perfected his poker face and is going to deny it's arrived. Perhaps it will come today. Either way I feel much calmer than yesterday.
Glad to hear things are good 
What happened to your H is very tragic and sad, so normal to feel that. My dad said something like "he still probably won't go anywhere even once you are divorced and he's no longer legally allowed to stay, will he? So then what? I suppose at that point you can call the police to remove him?"
I immediately thought of what you said about your H and thought my dad probably has predicted right. All I can do is keep moving forward.
Tiddley have you received your copy of the petition yet? You should get a copy through the post on the same day so that will be your indicator as to whether he's received it or not?
@lovealab, good point! No I haven't, although the solicitor said it would go there (she said she would let me know when it arrived though and I didn't hear anything today). It's probably got stuck somewhere else now!
How are things progressing for you? Hope you are doing OK?
All good here Tiddley I'll be posting off the Decree Absolute application next Friday...end of an era...a bittersweet moment i think but onwards & upwards & definitely no regrets
Eek, the end is so close!
Yes, I can imagine it'll be bittersweet. I keep getting moments of excitement when I think about the other side (although I also wonder whether I'll ever get there given how things are going!)
The future is all yours now, well done for getting through it
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You'll get there Tiddley....and those moments of excitement/anticipation will help get you through the next few months.....count down the days to freedom 
Well the solicitor had confirmation on Monday that the petition has been sent. I was braced for a tough week but so far he hasn't said anything or been any more of a dick than usual. I guess I'll know soon enough if he's returned the acknowledgement of service. He may decide to deny receiving it. He has a lot of time on his hands and definitely seems intent on playing games to stab me in the back. He really is fixated on the idea that I'm a terrible person and he has very ingrained beliefs that women 'always get their way' when it comes to separation and that he's 'not having any of that'.
I can't believe I'm over a year on from starting this thread and still have to live in the same house as him. I am feeling particularly drained by that at the moment. Between work, DS and H always being here, I never relax or have any time just to sit down and do something as trivial as watch something on TV!
I've realised that the 50/50 request is about child maintenance too.
The end still seems so far away I know I'm wallowing and that isn't going to help, I just wanted to indulge in a little wallow
Things ARE progressing Tiddley.....will you say anything to him about the petition if he doesn't raise it himself?
If he's burying his head about it you can at least get the petition served on him in a few weeks time & unless he chooses to spend money & contest it, theres not a lot he can do to stop it going through.......there's a glimmer of that light at the end of the tunnel
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