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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

me and baby's father separated, now he wants custody

35 replies

LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:10

I have a little girl who is a month old and me and her father haven't been together since just before she was born. I felt as though moving to Wales was the best option for me and her to start again, but i haven't cut contact with her father. He has now decided that he wants to fight for custody of her, how successful could he be if he took this to court? Im quite worried that im going to lose my child for the sake of his stubbornness. Have i done anything wrong? Thanks.

OP posts:
Umakemefeellikedancing · 15/01/2018 22:13

What an arse. It's unlikely the courts will grant him full custody. Your baby is only a month old FFS. For him to even say that makes him sound incredibly selfish and immature.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/01/2018 22:13

He can only really fight for access and shared residency, not full custody. There's no way that anyone would agree to removing a month old baby from the care of its mother in this situation.

Does your ex now live quite far away from where you are?

Hellywelly10 · 15/01/2018 22:16

Do you think he is serious or is it a threat?

Original poster
LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:17

We live over 200 miles away from eachother but hes not willing to work through contact for her. He knew exactly what i was doing and he had the chance to speak up and stop me, but he didnt. i mainly moved back to Wales for extra support from my family as i want to be the best i can be for my daughter. all i want is whats best for her

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:19

After speaking to him today, i know hes deadly serious about this. this is exactly what hes like so im not really surprised.

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 15/01/2018 22:22

Is he on her birth certificate?
Are you breast feeding baby?

Starlight2345 · 15/01/2018 22:22

Unless there are concerns about child’s welfare there will not change residency . Let him see a solicitor . I imagine he will be given the facts . I wonder if this is s scare tactic

JollyJuniper · 15/01/2018 22:24

You've moved his child 200 miles away and you expected him to take it lying down?

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 15/01/2018 22:24

Would shared custody work?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 15/01/2018 22:25

Let him be serious, he has no chance in hell to be successful on this.

I would suggest, however to talk to a solicitor just to get some peace of mind.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 15/01/2018 22:27

Don’t be obtuse Juniper, if he is planning to apply for custody to take a 1 month old baby from their mum, he is not a caring parent but a fucking controlling bully that doesn’t give fuck about the welfare of his own child.

Original poster
LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:30

baby is happy and healthy with me, he's a very controlling person which of course im not going to stand for. he is on the birth certificate, in all fairness, shes was born down here, it was his decision to go back after knowing what i wanted. i would NEVER stop him seeing his daughter, but hes making this more difficult from what it should be.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2018 22:30

Sounds like that’s exactly what he did jolly. The bit where OP said she told ex she was going and he was fine with it.

OP, is he paying child support and how often had he seen you and the baby before you moved or was it before you gave birth?

I’d leave him to it and wait for him to go off the idea when he thinks about what’s involved, or sends you a legal letter.

Try not to worry too much for now.

Congratulations on your baby Smile

TheHeartOfTeFiti · 15/01/2018 22:32

I can see Junipers point! But what access are you offering? In your situation I’d be tempted to bend over backwards offering him lots of visits. At that age courts will be happy with visits. Hopefully you are breast feeding and that will make extended contact even more of a no go for now. Babies need to be with their primary care giver but he can have lots of visits.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/01/2018 22:32

I'd get some advice from a solicitor if you can and find out where you stand.

If he was actually serious about seeing his daughter he could have stayed where you are and negotiated with you about seeing her.

TheHeartOfTeFiti · 15/01/2018 22:32

So did you move or him?

MotherofaSurvivor · 15/01/2018 22:33

To apply to court for residency or contact he is legally bound to attend Mediation, which you will be too. During which if he refuses to compromise it will go to court and he will be laughed at. Then given contact in Wales once every two weeks.

JollyJuniper · 15/01/2018 22:33

I'm not being obtuse and I'm not quite sure why you're so aggressive or why you're so sure that he's a controlling bully from the very little the op has posted. Maybe he didn't believe she'd actually move and he doesn't know what his options are so is saying what he thinks is correct. The use of the word custody would support this as its not current terminology. Assuming the childs father is controlling, a bully, and doesnt have his childs welfare at heart based on the ops posts where she has so far said nothing of the sort, is a bit stupid actually.

Original poster
LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:35

thankyou anne, and i have recieved one payment of child support but after whats gone on, i can see that stopping. he was there for the birth, but wasnt really there for after, he was more interested on trying to get me back.

OP posts:
JollyJuniper · 15/01/2018 22:35

Cross posted with the op but it makes little difference. Barring actual documented abuse the court will be looking to support the childs right to a relationship with both parents. Be prepared you might have to travel to facilitate contact if you're the one who moved away.

Original poster
LauraC98 · 15/01/2018 22:40

i have offered many chances of visits but had it thrown back in my face. i have also offered to meet him half way twice a month and again he didnt accept the offer. he makes excuse after excuse as to why its not good enough. i dont know what else i can do to make the situation fair for my LG

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 15/01/2018 22:45

If you haven't already I'd be documenting any evidence you have where you have offered and facilitated contact, but he has refused or not attended.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2018 22:45

Have you got all the messages/emails where you’ve offered to meet up? Keep everything should you need it. And gey child support sorted through the CMS if you think he’ll mess you around.

rollingonariver · 15/01/2018 22:47

Have you got these offers in writing op? To the courts it will hopefully be clear that you've tried and he's the one being awkward.
Even if you don't the courts won't offer him full custody especially seen as he's hardly been there for the babies first month. I feel for you op, it must be really marring your first month with the baby. Try not to worry he's just being an idiot.

JollyJuniper · 15/01/2018 22:50

There's no way he would get full residency. Keep backed up evidence of any contact between him and you. You don't yet know what might be important later on.