me and baby's father separated, now he wants custody

[LauraC98]

I have a little girl who is a month old and me and her father haven't been together since just before she was born. I felt as though moving to Wales was the best option for me and her to start again, but i haven't cut contact with her father. He has now decided that he wants to fight for custody of her, how successful could he be if he took this to court? Im quite worried that im going to lose my child for the sake of his stubbornness. Have i done anything wrong? Thanks.

He doesn't stand a prayer of getting full time residency unless you do something stupid like neglect your child or assault your ex or disobey court ordered contact arrangements.

If he pursues this, he will most likely be granted contact and you will be required to facilitate that, possibly by doing all or some of the travel.

Take the advice of the previous poster to document all your attempts to facilitate contact. From now on, only communicate by text, e-mail etc and keep a copy of all communications.

Contact CMS about the financial support. This is a completely separate issue to contact and will not be taken into consideration in any legal dispute about contact.

Keep everything in writing.

Whilst I understand your reasons for moving back to your support group I can also understand his upset with you moving his child 200 miles away from where you both originally were. His view will be you are marginalizing him as a parent (which may very well not be your intention but it's how he will see it and unfortunately it will end up that way). It's a horrible situation and he will see it as you having all the control and is trying to worry you with custody threats and hurt you. That's no excuse but he does have at least some reasoning to it. Are you expecting child support from him?

With respect you have no idea what he is thinking @infragilis.
He may be thinking what you think . My ex was only interested in seeing my Ds so that he could see me , for some it’s the fight , for some control and for some it is missing the child .
I do not believe anyone going for residency of a one month of a one month old when no care issues is not putting the child first.

Op has said she is not stopping contact . I do agree with pp get offer of contact in writing .

As for maintenance you are entitled go to csa then no need to then discuss money with him.

He cannot win custody over your child - that in any case is not the terminology, but he has a right to shared care and access to your DD and living 200 miles away that makes it very hard. I presume you could not for example, offer a split 50/50 week of caring for your child long term if thats what you both wanted.

I would speak to a solicitor and seek an agreement on finances and shared caring, offering as flexible as possible arrangements to facilitate his relationship with his daughter as he is legally entitled. It might help if you can conduct communication about access via the solicitor, if thats not affordable, you need to keep your communication as diplomatic as possible, whatever the provocation.

I understand the issues with regard to his personality, motivation and communication - if he does display controlling or aggressive behaviour this does need careful documenting. But be assured that if you respond in a similar vein (however provoked) he will be doing the same. I would also document all the offers of access etc - which he has turned down.

Has he actually seen or visited your DD since the birth?

With respect @starlight2345 I feel after having similar happen to me (some years ago now) that I do have at least some perspective of what may be going through his mind and a right to add some balance to the conversation. I would also suggest that whilst you say the OP is not actually stopping contact 200 miles now placed between father and child will mean in very practical terms he won't be able to see his child anywhere near as much as he could have if the mother had chosen to move locally. In a few other countries (Sweden for example) the law states that if the father provides maintenance for the child then the mother is not legally allowed to move the child out of a set area without the father's consent. Every situation is different but it would be a step forward if the UK at least looked at legal framework in other countries and adopted the best bits.

Yes, lets find another way for men to control woman 😡 OP keep every offer of contact in writing. Do not engage verbally. Keep notes of anything relevant no matter how small.I would also suggest you talk to a lawyer.
Apart from that let him start the process. Try and not let him scare you. It is not your responsibility to bend over backwards to make it easier for him. Men who threaten to do this to a newborn are disgusting.

If he really wanted to see her then surely he would have found a way to stay near where you are? As you've said, he knew what you were planning to do and didn't object at the time.

Another voice for keeping a detailed diary of all your interaction with him, especially his threats to take your baby away from you.

Have you put in a claim for maintenance yet? If not, then do so as soon as possible, it is your baby's right to be financially supported by the Father.

Don't let him frighten or intimidate you, your baby and you will both benefit from being close to family support in Wales.

If you aren't breastfeeding, it's not too late to start breastfeeding I wouldn't think. Google relactation. Courts do not separate babies from breastfeeding mothers because breastfeeding has such well known benefits.