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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help! He moved out a week ago, now he's planning to move back

30 replies

Kissesgingers · 06/08/2017 17:58

After 10 months of unreasonable behavior, my husband suggested he moved out. It was a relief not to have him sulking about the place, although he continues to be unreasonable regarding money and seeing the children. Today he has been messaging me abuse all day but has decided he will move back in on Tuesday and "take control" "have prompt access to his post" "cut his outgoings" "think about the future" and (finally) "see his children whenever he wants". I am horrified and devastated. It has been so calm and peaceful since he left, the children (preteen and teen) have got used to it. My solicitor told me I can't stop him coming in/back but at the time he hadn't threatened it. He claims he's "changed" and it won't be an issue. I panicked earlier and told him I'd move out with the children if he moved back in. Has anyone got a better suggestion?

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 06/08/2017 18:03

Suggest that if he truly wants to make a go of it (and if you are in anyway up for this too obviously) then you need to take things slower and have a few dates to ascertain where the relationship is going.

If you do not want to give the relationship another go - say I'd rather you don't move back. Do you have somewhere you can go to? If not, is there a room you can make his. Tell him you will live like flatmates until a divorce and finances can be sorted but there will be rule regarding child contact/cooking etc.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/08/2017 08:08

Change the locks. Tell him you had your handbag stolen and for security you had to change the locks. He CAN take you to court to force you to give him a key but this will take him 6 months and a lot will have changed by then. Try really hard not to let him back in your life will be awful with him living there

MrsBertBibby · 07/08/2017 09:11

It won't take him 6 months, it won't even take 6 days if he has a competent lawyer.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/08/2017 09:21

IF he has a competent lawyer - there's still the inconvenience and the cost

MrsBertBibby · 07/08/2017 09:56

Which may well get passed on to OP. And which will come out of the Family pot either way.

I'm a family solicitor OP. Don't follow Smug's advice.

The best you can do is ask the court to make an order preventing his return. Talk to your lawyer, it's far from clear that you would succeed.

Original poster
Kissesgingers · 07/08/2017 16:11

My solicitor confirmed over £5k for an occupation order.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kissesgingers · 07/08/2017 16:14

I've told him about bills and cooking and etc. I feel sick to my stomach. It's all a big game to him. I don't think he is even that interested in the children, just wants to be the big I am again. I think he was too king I'd just start doing his cooking cleaning washing etc. Right up to the divorce!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kissesgingers · 07/08/2017 16:14

Too king should read "thinking"

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 07/08/2017 16:31

If you can stop him moving in you can stop him from having an easy life.
Don't let him sleep in your room, so he knows it's not all ok.

Original poster
Kissesgingers · 07/08/2017 18:35

Spare room for definite, he hadn't slept in my room for more than 6 months before he moved out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kissesgingers · 09/08/2017 07:09

He moved back yesterday. It is awful.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 09/08/2017 07:19

I'm sorry OP.

Best advice I can give you is to get the divorce moving, get referred to mediation, and get your financial application issued. Don't waste time trying to negotiate without getting the court timetable ticking, he has no motivation to sort this out.

Politicspanda · 09/08/2017 07:28

Please call Women's Aid, Kissegingers. This is abusive behaviour.

babybarrister · 10/08/2017 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummmy2017 · 11/08/2017 10:16

Poor you

darbo · 11/08/2017 16:18

If you want him out, put the request in writing, an email would do. The relationship isn't working. Be firm. Then change the locks when he's out / away. Use an excuse, but do not give him the new key.

Anecdoche · 11/08/2017 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

darbo · 11/08/2017 17:44

The Law is a grey area when it comes to changing locks. So, you can keep him out if you want. You simply need to be shrewd. In common law you have a right to privacy, to feel safe, etc and if having a husband under the same roof who co-owns the house doesnt allow you those rights, get rid of him as a physical presence right away.

MrsBertBibby · 11/08/2017 18:51

The law is absolutely not in the slightest grey! It is absolutely crystal clear!

Original poster
Kissesgingers · 11/08/2017 19:31

@mrsbertbibby I have done what you advised, he got the draft divorce petition yesterday. His solicitor must have not made an impression as he stated he plans to ignore the divorce papers and divorce me in 2 years for separation!

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 11/08/2017 19:52

Well done.

If he doesn't acknowledge the Petition just get it served and crack on. Don't hang about waiting for him to do anything.

babybarrister · 11/08/2017 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kissesgingers · 11/08/2017 22:18

[Cracking on] is there an emoji for that? Blush

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 12/08/2017 06:03

via GIPHY

MrsBertBibby · 12/08/2017 06:24

Stooped gifs.

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