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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Finances is thus a normal way to proceed?

30 replies

backwardnames · 03/07/2017 22:24

We are just starting the divorce process so not much background. Basically, regarding finances since I asked DH for a divorce he has been desperate to get me to agree a number for a divorce settlement. My solicitor (who has a reputation for getting a good results - somewhat at the cost of family relations) has told me not to enter into discussions with him about finances. H is very money savvy and keeps on telling me it is normal for people to agree finances between themselves. Whilst I do kind of trust him, I don't want to put all my faith in him in case he is trying to shaft me.

So my question - is H right? Do people agree finances between themselves without a solicitor?

OP posts:
Cherenkov · 04/07/2017 00:13

What do you want from your divorce?
My STBEX are planning 50/50 and my view is that if we can resolve everything between us, then we can reduce our joint costs. If you ask a solicitor to do work for you they cost (big time) so my advice is todecide what you want. If you are not getting it, involve you solicitor, else try to agree everything amicably.

beingsunny · 04/07/2017 00:57

We have had a mix,

We have had many discussions between us, I also went to see a lawyer for advice on what I was entitled to, we used that as a basis for our split.

We ended up going 50/50

That said we have only one child we have shared care of and both work full time in professional jobs.

If I were a SAHP it may have been different

Phillipa12 · 04/07/2017 06:04

My exh and i agreed most of the split of finances by ourselves, however he also knew that before i agreed to anything that i would also be taking legal advice, some of the advice i took, some i didnt, it worked well for us.

Pickerel · 04/07/2017 06:12

It is possible to agree finances between you, but your H's attitude is ringing a couple of alarm bells.

Original poster
backwardnames · 04/07/2017 07:02

He has a lot of assets and he wants to give me a 30 split. I do work but it iz very part time and I spent 5 years ago home with kids (it set my career back bog time). Every time I say I want to involve my solicitor, at the very least to protect my interests, he accuses me of being rapacious (so now you get an idea as to why I am divorcing him).

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 04/07/2017 07:10

Ha, ha, ha, no wonder he's trying to talk you out of using the solicitor. He's trying to shaft you.

Rainybo · 04/07/2017 07:20

Agreed between ourselves, and like beingsunny we agreed on a 50/50 asset split based on one child and both working full time in professional jobs.

Even then ex-H tried to tell me that because he had EOW and one night in the week that he didn't have to pay any child maintenance. Oh how I laughed. He also tried the there's no need for you to get legal advice' card - and I reminded him that he didn't get to make my decisions for me anymore.

Your ex is trying to shaft you, control and guilt you. See a solicitor to get advice.

Phillipa12 · 04/07/2017 07:37

Just tell him no you are not going to be greedy but you will also not allow him to shaft you, the matter about finances is no longer up for discussion untill you have taken legal advice, end off. And just repeat!

eatingtomuch · 04/07/2017 07:39

How many children do you have. Please make sure you consider pensions and investments.
My career took a hit as I stayed at home when children were young and then returned very part time. My pension is reduced due to this. My ex agreed this was a joint decision and I got a 65 / 35 split in my favour.
This was a combined joint and solicitor decision.

babybarrister · 04/07/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plasticcheese · 04/07/2017 10:38

Have you considered mediation? We couldn't agree between ourselves and weren't prepared to throw lots of money into the legal system so mediation worked well. We did both have a half hour free with a sol first, to get a basic grasp of what we might be entitled to.

babybarrister · 04/07/2017 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrssapphirebright · 04/07/2017 13:00

Me and exh discussed and agreed without solicitors. We went with a 50/50 split as that was what was fair considering our situation.

If you can come to an agreement without solicitors it will be cheaper and easier. But find out what you are entitled too first.

Don't be a mug. 30% split doesn't sound fair on you, but i guess it depends on your situations.

Naicehamshop · 04/07/2017 19:39

A 30/70 split in his favour? ?
No wonder he doesn't want you to take legal advice! !!
He really is trying to royally shaft you here (unless there are lots of details we don't know about ).

millymollymoomoo · 05/07/2017 08:39

None of us here know that her husband is trying to 'shaft her'. Yes, he's trying to keep the split in his favour but I would say that is quite std behaviour on both sides!

None of us also know whether the 30% actually represents a fair share that OP would be entitled to. Maybe it is not based on their own personal circumstances, especially if OP is primary carer and taken a hit to earnings, but maybe it actually is fair. We don't know

There is no automatic right to a 50:50% of everything. There is a right to a 'fair share' of marital assets and no one here can assess that.

OP seek legal advice with regard to your own financial entitlements, but it is always worth keeping things to a degree of amicability where possible especially where there are children to consider. (that does not mean just take what is offered, just have a realistic sense of what you are trying to achieve and what this means for both outcomes)

Allow your solicitor to guide you.

SnugglyBedSocks · 07/07/2017 05:20

I am going through similar in that my stbxh wanted me to sign a separation agreement giving him 50% of the house, all his redundancy money (approx £30,000) and all his pension. He is not happy that I have took the advice of a solicitor.

kittybiscuits · 07/07/2017 17:10

Broken record 'that will be dealt with by my solicitor'. He's trying to shaft you, without a doubt.

WatchingFromTheWings · 07/07/2017 17:15

Yeah he's trying to shaft you. I was advised I could go for 60/40 in my favour when I divorced. My ExH and I did sort this all out ourselves and we went 50/50 in the end as I felt this was fairer.

SnugglyBedSocks · 08/07/2017 15:16

I am currently filling in Form E. Has anyone got any experience with it Confused

seventhgonickname · 12/07/2017 11:52

Don't get into private discussions with him!In your case I would leave it all to your solicitors.I think when you get to finally see what he has you will see why he is so keen now.

seventhgonickname · 12/07/2017 11:55

I think you need a degree for form E.We did a simple disclosure which meant I could ignore the last few pages some of which I didn't even understand.
Don't minimise your costs esp children's costs husband's done do the buying so have no idea of the accumulated cost if clothing growing children.

parklives · 13/07/2017 19:40

He's definitely trying to shaft you.
I was told by my sister who had just seen a solicitor last week that a 50/50 split is always the beginning point, it might not end up there, but in your circumstances I think you would the 50% and possibly more.

SnugglyBedSocks · 18/07/2017 04:32

Op - how are things?

FreshFigs · 18/07/2017 13:56

I think you're being shafted.

Use your solicitor and/or a mediator.
My husband earns 57K and I earn 6K and gave up a career 15 years ago to have children.
My split is 70/30
He wanted 50/50
I haven't the ability to buy a house - hence getting 70%

FreshFigs · 18/07/2017 13:57

Agree with above DO NOT talk finances at home. Get mediator and/or solicitor involved in that. Family law will protect you.

Best of luck x

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