Did anyone else separate at new year?

[Krap]

After a couple of years of unhappiness, and a few months of real relationship breakdown, myself and DH have called time.
We have 4 DC and will be co-habiting in the same house until a financial settlement is reached and I am able to buy my own place, so could be a looong time.
I've moved to my Daughters bedroom while she's in with her younger sister.
We told the children and our immediate families but no one else yet, though that will change by the end of the week when the children tell all and sundry at school.
I instigated the breakup but he knows we had massive problems and wasn't fighting it in the end. We're fairly amicable at the moment.
Anyone else want to join in on my very uncertain journey forwards?

Does anyone know which solicitors offer free advise? Some have like half an hour free but not sure which ones? Need to find out where I stand because a divorce is now my only option.

I told him I wanted to seperate 3 weeks ago. Perfect on paper but no true connection no chemistry, husband is a good man but we shouldn't have married, we are too different he doesn't truly engage with me, have felt very lonely when with him for a long time. However because he isn't a bad person I feel guilty and I am aware I am being judged for doing this, particularly by family.
One thing that has hit me so hard is having to split up time with my 3 year old. It feels like agony, but then I think it's took me 8 years to get to this point that do I want to back track? I feel so confused. I feel like I am just asking such a mess from being selfish x

Justdreadful the thought of sharing your child is a sickening thought and the thought of sharing with the potential new girlfriend makes your blood run cold. This is what held me back.....along with the guilt etc. It's all VERY normal to feel like this. You just need time to get your head around each bit. I just kept telling myself that this was the rest of my life and that people do heal and kids get shared and it works itself out.
A year on and I'm last stages of divorce. It's still hard but such the right choice. I have a new partner who my kids love and he does as well and they are equally as fond of her. Yes it hurt. Still does but it's easier and it's all about adjustment. You will be ok....through the anxiety and the tears there will be
Light...I promise xxx

I ended things on New Year's Day, after less than a year of marriage and many months of bickering. My husband didn't want things to end, he's heartbroken but I couldn't carry on knowing that my heart wasn't truly in it. He's just moved out today, the house was mine when we got together so he's now gotten a place of his own. I am so relieved. We rushed into marriage after two years together and it was a huge mistake on my part. I'm still a bit stunned that I had the courage to call it a day, worrying about what other people will think has been the main reason I didn't do it sooner. But I am so relieved.

Newlife thank you fit your kind words. Really helps xxx

Just checking in. I told my dh that I was done with our marriage on the 16th December. It was rough, but culmination of thinking for a while I needed to do it and his awful comments on occasion. He's devastated but I mean it. He's buying me out and already has formal offer and acceptance. My issue is we should have the money through in three weeks and I still haven't found a house to buy, starting to panic now, h has said I can stay and pay rent for a few months which I would prefer as I don't want to tie into a six month rental and it will be easier for our nearly 4yo dd if we only have to move once. I'm worried once he's bought me out that the power shifts to him though and stupid comments may start. It's such a difficult thing to do.

Very difficult Ratbagcatbag, but it will pass. Just press ahead finding something to buy and make that your focus. I am sorting a few details out with dh so we can save money. He has offered to buy a house where I can live with our youngest until she is 18 and then we sell and split, which I would like to do. He will live somewhere else, renting. This seems like the best idea to me, just hope I can get him to stick to it. In the meantime, he is trying to be nice to me, but I know as soon as I give an inch he will start to feel comfortable again and the verbal abuse starts again: derogatory comments, staying out, texting in front of me and not telling me who he is texting. Horrible psycho behaviour that I can do without.

Seperated between Christmas and new year. We had been living together for nearly 3 years.

No kids or anything but still a terrible shock for me as I thought we were happy. I certainly was.

One month on, living with my parents and mostly having bad days but the odd good day. He's still in my life which I know isn't healthy but it's hard to cut him off at the moment.

On a plus side he paid me back all the money I had put into the house (I paid for new bathroom for example) and has agreed with all my requests for what furniture / joint possessions I want when I finally get my own place.

I know it's mostly as he feels guilty but it's something

I split with my husband on 24th Dec but as he doesn't have a job he is still living with me. It is very difficult and I just need to move on. He set up his own business and it has been a total disaster. I've been left with financially supporting the household for a long time and it all just got too much. That coupled with having nothing in common and wildly different views on parenting. Not sure how we stayed together for 21 years really.... I want to put a timescale on how long he can stay for as it is fairly hellish and I'm getting quite down, but then I don't want to be unreasonable or for the kids to see him on his arse with nothing. I have a horrible feeling he is being very choosy over potential jobs and in the mean time I'm paying for everything. Feeling quite trapped and glum. 😔

Yes I've got similar. Mine isn't working. He's looking for work but not that hard. I'm working all hours. Pretty fed up actually. We need money in order to settle this divorce.

Hello everyone, just checking in myself!
Things are ok, if a little strained, but bearable. Living in the spare room is ok, the kids seem to have gotten used to the new set up.
I found a house in the area I'm wanting to live in and have put in an offer which has been accepted. I've told him he needs to pull his finger out where getting his side of the finances is concerned as he's buying me out.
I've started collecting bits and pieces for the new house, just basic essentials, and have priced up the big stuff that you can't really get secondhand. I'm going to be ebaying and car booting every spare thing I own at this rate, but it'll all be worth it when I'm free of him.

Wonderful to hear it's turning out positive. You are an inspiration.

Oh, I don't feel all that positive! I have no idea what I'm going to do for money - if I'm going to be able to a) afford anything on my pathetic part time wage or b) have to give up my pathetic part time job altogether due to complete lack of support!
The nursery/after school club bill came to three quarters of my wage this month.

We are.going to have to sell the house and he.wants a 50 50 split, which I don't think is fair. I want 60. 40 do I can provide a home for the children. We're fighting about this at the moment.

Went to relate and although the reasons he gave for our breakup are the same as before for some reason they do feel like they sank in more.

He doesn't feel the same, it's nothing I did and nothing I can change. I have to eventually accept that. Part of the reason he doesn't feel the same is my longing for kids and he doesn't and that won't change either.

I'm still very stressed and low on confidence but it did help somehow

You deserve better. Don't hang on, it won't change

Me too
I cant stand another sham Christmas . so lonely