Did anyone else separate at new year?

[Krap]

After a couple of years of unhappiness, and a few months of real relationship breakdown, myself and DH have called time.
We have 4 DC and will be co-habiting in the same house until a financial settlement is reached and I am able to buy my own place, so could be a looong time.
I've moved to my Daughters bedroom while she's in with her younger sister.
We told the children and our immediate families but no one else yet, though that will change by the end of the week when the children tell all and sundry at school.
I instigated the breakup but he knows we had massive problems and wasn't fighting it in the end. We're fairly amicable at the moment.
Anyone else want to join in on my very uncertain journey forwards?

Me too
Found his phone riddled full of stuff three weeks before Christmas. Asked him to leave early new year. Had sham Christmas for kids. Initially fairly amicable, then mother in law got involved and it went tits up and he's now refusing to leave. So I'm divorcing him and it looks like he will stay put at home. Atmosphere is horrible.

Yes mine is here. He goes out every night. He has no Jon. I'm seeing a solicitor Monday.

Please can I join in, can't start my own thread as I think he will stalk me on here.

On Christmas Day I found cinema tickets... looked at his phone and what a suprise, no texts at all of the only female friend -his work partner/student... she texts him all the time.
He gave me a load of bull then licked my arse for a couple of weeks. He thought I'd get over it but I didn't believe him. So spent that time digging.
When I bluffed him that I had all his old texts he was backed into a corner and had to admit that he's been having an affair for two fucking years!?!?
I told him to go and he did. He apparently fell for her because she was kind to him when he was sad, we were going thru a tough time as a family. Meanwhile at home the last two years he has been in a deep depression, panic attacs, wakes me up all the time devastated, Cries every day. Tells me he wants to die regularly.

All this he has blamed on the tough time. - his parents have both died of cancer in the last 5 years, very traumatic. Then his half sister took us on a legal battle over the will.... it has been a truly awful time and I have been mothering him and excused him from any kind of responsibility for himself due to his oscar winning performance of the broken man with mental health issues. He has never taken part in family life just Sits on his computer all the time, makes little to no effort with the kids. They haven't noticed he's been gone since Monday...

I feel like the last 10 years I have given and given and tried my best to be as supportive and loving as I could. But now I feel like he has manipulated me and can't possibly have been as ill as he's made out if he was carrying on with someone else. I would have to literally coax him out of bed and reassure him continually that our life was getting better.

So he is coming over this morning to talk... I know he's going to be saying everything he can think of to make me try again but I can't, il never trust him again. 2 years isn't a drunken mistake it's constant lies and deceiving me. So not looking forward to this morning now.

I am absolutely heart broken and in pieces ha has destroyed our family. But I can't live checking up on him and wondering if Im being bullshitted by him.

My other issue is that when we had finally got thru a year long legal battle with his psycho half sister, we finally got sorted and inherited his parents house. ( she got all the money+++)

Me and my parents spent 4 months from Xmas til April last year. Gutted the house completely, knocked walls down, new kitchen, bathroom, new electrics, new plumbing, every room totally unrecognisable.

We were here every day in the snow and ice, working our arses off. Whilst he painted about two walls begrudgingly and was incapable of doing anything else because although he was wanting the house how we wanted it and made our own, he couldn't bring himself to see it a mess.

He had us all fooled. He now says If this is the end, he will go and me and the kids stay in the house. But it's in his name and I'm not sure he's going to stay saying that once he realises there's no chance of a reconciliation.

Feel very vulnerable right now.

Wow sorry for the essay.

Have you taken legal advise balance49? If you're sure you won't be getting back together it might be worth getting some help about the house. You'll know legally where you stand then. My OH has depression as well, the counsellor said its the reason behind his drinking and gambling problems, not sure if I believe it though.
Stay strong and keep your chin up. Xxx

Leave him he will never change. I wish I hadn'teft it this long .

Balane, get legal advice, are you married?

I think it's OK to stall him, although appreciate you might already have spoken.
Don't shut the door if you feel he will take action re the house until you get advice.
He has strung you along for 2 years so a few weeks of you "making up your mind"
isn't unreasonable.

I would feel the level of betrayal is so significant, he might have had affair guilt but that doesn't help you.

Decide what you want but give yourself time. No need to force your hand if he is out of the house.

Well a little 'late' for new year, but we technically separated at start of December in terms of relationship.
Last night i vocalised plan to move out but have shared care of our 3 DD's. 1 is old enough to choose where she wants to be daily as she's 18 soon and 1 is 12 and will likely remain a daddys girl, but we both recognised 7 year old will be hardest hit.

Hubby's response was 'the balls in your court' when I told him, and to leave me vital paperwork on the bed for me - of my own nothing of theirs till I asked for birth certs for the girls and a copy of our marriage cert (only one available so need to order a copy).

I'm going to.see a.solicitor tomorrow. It's the free half hour of advice. I want to know exactly how much it will cost. Good luck everyone. It feels sometimes that I'm the only one.but I can see on here I'm not.

4 dcs here and told him I was leaving on 4th Jan. Tried for years and even left him in 2015 for 6 months and came back after he promised to change. Well he didn't so I'm off again. Hopefully moving into new house in next two weeks. It's horrible living together still but we ate trying to be as civil as we can be. Hugs to everyone else xx

Good luck tomorrow Lilypoppet - hope you get the answers you need. neither of us have said the Divorce word, when I asked about a 2nd copy of our marriage certificate I worded it 'as it proves my name'.. I actually want to make sure I've got one 'in case' but didn't want to say that.

Financially I am walking away with my personal belongings, nothing more. I might take some kitchen bits like spare mugs that are mine and one is a keepsake from my aunt etc. But that's it. If i start ripping the home apart as well as the family I think it'll be too much - for me as much as the girls. They can bring nick nacks to wherever i move to of course to make their room theirs but I don't want new place full of stuff from the family home in honesty.

Emmerdalefan - glad i'ts not just me with multiple children. Hope it works out - least you can say you tried. I agree about atmosphere issues living together still but being civil is all you can do.

I got engaged Xmas day, had a baby New Year's Eve and then separated on the 13th after he showed his true colours 💔 x x

I went to see my solicitor today. She was amazing. Basically we whittled it down to two options: the sensible one and the risky one. She's sending me a letter. I recommend anyone going through this: see a good solicitor, a good one is well worth it.

Kath that's so awful for you on relationship front but huge congratulations on new baby ! Hope you have lots of support from family and friends. Make the most of baby being so young, time flies far too fast.

Lilypoppet glad you got some great advice and an action plan. :)

My sister has been a tower of support today remotely as we're 600 miles apart. It's been lovely knowing she has my back!

OMG! I just want to give you all a hug and a huge glass of wine!
Split NYD 2016.....stayed in house till August then moved out with children. Divorce should be finalised next month.
It's such an emotional journey. But each day is a day nearer to the end. You will have good and bad days....today is not good but at least we are not one of those who will never leave. Some don't even have a plan. We have a future.....I seriously salute you ladies for having the grit and determination to do this x

New Life 2017 - glad you made it out and are doing well by the sound of it. :) Gives me hope.

I've had a re-think on who should leave and how to make that happen, i work almost full time hours and can't look after my 3 DD's because of this full time, so I've given my notice at work. I'm becoming a SAHM till i can find a job that fits around term times. they're all really pleased - especially my 7 year old.

i need to sleep in DD1's bed tonight for a couple of nights shes away - I've gone back to our bed as sofa doesn't lead to good sleep but hubby and I never touch for months now, but pretty sure I felt him touch my backside last night and suggest a cuddle.. I refused. I was really tired so not 100% sure but he needs a clear message I think. i will have to get a pillow for the sofa I think.

We did talk a couple of days ago about my quitting my job and him leaving the house, I need to remind him that is the plan.

Clear message very important. I'd always back down then he'd return to his usual behaviours when it felt safe and the verbal abuse and me being blamed would all start up again. He's being a lot nicer to me now I've taken a stand but I know if I give an inch he'll take a mile. 23 years of experience has taught me that.

Yeah - defo seems that way. We've been together 20 years so it's not easy being blunt and knowing I'm hurting him but we're both hurting each other and this can't continue.

My oh is angry with me because I won't take him back. We said we'd see how it goes, see if he can stop the drinking, gambling and lies. He sees it as all my fault now because I've stood firm and said I don't want him back as he is. I am finding it hard though and I do miss him. Having a bad week.

Something is in the air - rocky few months since Autumn last year and then 4th January OH of 10 years decided that although he still loved me that what ever was there wasn't there anymore and that he didn't want to wake up one day hating me and he wasn't happy!! TBH its a relief for me and I have been a single parent from day one as he works every weekend (even though there is no need) and is out at boxing club every night and also has a group of admirers from being a coach (mainly women) ironically he has never boxed - So I do think he has got someone else lined up but that's her look out as he will never change (3 children by 3 women and not one of his relationships have worked!!) - I'm now planning to leave work as I am out of the house 12 hours a day and I am moving back to where I come from and my family and friends about 40 mins away from where he will be living (his house all in his name) so my DS of 4 will have to have a new home and new school I feel awful - I just hope that if I can't get a part-time job asap I can claim benefits to tide me over!! I also know it will work out and me and DS will be happy :-)

Hope your spirits lift a bit Beachball, seems that good days come down to earth with a bad one now and then. :(

My husband and I took our girls for dinner last night - he seems to think that make us back to normal.

He's lied about a call he received earlier and wont' tell me who it was, i'm not trusting him now and that is new for me. Shows how I'm feeling, part of me hopes he's got somewhere to live but i doubt it.

I handed my notice into work yesterday , a job i love, but my girls have to come first, i need a job that will fit around them and 50/50 custody. youngest is 7 so she's going to need mum around.

I'm off to DD1's bed tonight she's out for two nights, maybe that'll point out to husband that i'm serious and not going back.

Things are really bad here. My new home is not yet ready and going to be a couple of weeks before I'm able to move in. He is up and down in moods. Last night he was awful. Ranting raving and even threatened to have me killed if I didn't go along with what he suggests with regards the dcs. I am on egg shells and just want to move out asap

Unicorn that sounds awful. Could you scrape together cash to get an air B and B place for a couple of weeks then you could move out straightaway. At this time of year you could probably negotiate a good deal for a couple of weeks I should think.

Unicorn ps if he threatens to kill you again then call 999. They should remove him and tell him to stay away overnight. If he comes back u can call police and they will arrest him and keep him in cells overnight.

We agreed to split new year. But in true form - I will be the instigator since he won't budge his arse from the sofa, our house or sort anything out himself.