On the cusp of separation

[Verso]

I have my half-hour free legal consultation on Thursday to talk about separation. I am not yet sure how I feel about divorce. My (D)H has been manipulative for years, but it was only a blatant lie about something fundamental at the weekend that made me wake up.

Fundamental. Financial. Potentially fraudulent. Illegal.

I am still in shock and he just doesn't get it. He seems to think life is a game, somehow.

This realisation has also made all the other emotional and sexual abuse that I've put up with really really obvious. It's appalling, really, and I've just let it go on because of some weird sense of "duty" and the fear of losing my girls.

So a big dose of reality is in order. Facts. Figures. Probabilities rather than vague speculation. I hope someone is out there who can offer words of wisdom. If you know of other agencies who might be able to help me (ie not just the CAB and solicitor) do please let me know.

Hi again
Just checked
It states if you live with your partner & your name is not on the tenancy agreement they you have no legal right to stay.
Notice must be given but doesn't have to be in writing to tell him to leave. Their is no said amount of time that has to be given for the notice.
If he is aggressive and you are at risk mentally physically or otherwise you can give him instant notice to go as he is commuting an offende -domestic violence & the police will move him for you.

So get him out chick he's not got no legal right to be in his locked little room nor has he the right to be aggressive in anyway towards you.
Failing that get a big bit of ply board and nail it over his door so when he does decide to come out he's met by a completly new view ha! You could actually write hiis notice on that instead.

X x x

Omg they all must be the same, my ex took all our documents too savings, mortgage deeds, the lot! But put it all in filing cabinet in the office.
It's only his steroids he was happy to keep in the one at home, they make you laugh.

But not too worry you don't need marriage licence to call police.
Which I really would do, you could check with your brief first to calm your mind and then they are aware what's happening, so should he turn on you there is a record if you get me?

Id put your phone in your pocket on video so it records him 'knock on door and say to him you are giving him notice and as he has failed to leave when he promised to you feel he has had all the notice he needed and that's fair, he's had chance to prepare but chose not to take it against your agreement.

The fact you have the tenancy transferred should act as proof there was an arrangement in place to seperate. Or why would you go from joint to single otherwise?

Id tell him collect his stuff up & go he will clearly flip shout whatever but you will have that on record. Don't put yourself in harms way though if he gets too nasty just step away and tell him politely sorry but that's my desision.

Regardless of it being his matrimonial home if you rent it's in your name and you've already had an exit date arranged on top of that he has no legal right to stay. Even if it's your married name or not.

Worst case he apples to court to try get back in, however I doubt he would as he'd be told he is wasting his money as you have the tenancy transfer his violent aggressive nature and hopefully video log of his temper so given all that and that you are scared of him you had to call police to get him out he'd really not be allowed back in by the judge.

Plus this then is a very clear explanation to any judge that he is aggressive and backs your reason to divorce.

It's a big step to take I know but once it's done you will be able to breath think recover and process the rd to divorce more logically.

Oh if police out him then make sure he's not allowed to remove your property your files too.

Do let me know what you decide to do, having been there I honestly will be happy to know he's gone out & you & dc are ok.

Hope this helps x

Hi Op another one here in the living hell of sharing a home with STBXH . It's been 15 months now and he just refuses to leave. He has been emotionally abusive and manipulative for last few years. Cannot live like this anymore. It's miserable. I can't relax in my own home as he doesn't tell me how long he will be out for so even when he's out he could be back any minute.
I filed for divorce last year but it is an expensive long process.
The only thing that keeps me going is my girls. Eldest is anxious and stressed and has just started year 11. She wants to move now because she sees how awful for all of us it is to live like this. She is fed up of it all.
Good luck I wouldn't wish this on anyone x

Hi ladies
Just wondering how you all are??
Verso captainM & other posters it's sad to think there are so many of us who've been in or are having such issues.
I hope your all ok safe ' well
Night night x

Yeah, I was thinking about Verso as well, she's not been here for a wee while, I do hope she is ok.

After a major meltdown last weekend I have had a fairly good week. I had a major victory on Wednesday when it was my turn to sleep on the sofa for the week (we take week about). He was watching TV and he just glared at me when I got the duvet out of the airing cupboard and said I can have the bed. I was so happy about this as it gives me a place I can feel safe in. I have decided to keep myself busy and get the decorating done in the house which we had previously planned doing and which would need doing for selling the house - he is agreeable to splitting any costs. I've also been out for a couple of walks along the beach and have taken my DD out for lunch today. I have hardly seen him as he is either out a lot or he is in the house in a different room. He has taken to sneeking around the house so quietly that I don't even know if he is in the house - weird. I don't think we have spoken a single word in at least three days and in those days he should have received a letter from my solicitor. Perhaps that is why he has gone quiet, I don't think he can quite believe that I am doing this to him. I know I am on a high at the moment and I'm just making the most of it because I'm sure it won't be long before I'm on another low. I also know that nothing is moving forward ATM but his financials might not be in until the middle of next month so I'm just waiting patiently. Thank you for the shout out panda.