Dear all, hoping someone might be able to help/advise on this seemingly complicated issue I am currently facing. I'll try to be as brief as possible! My pound sign on my keyboard is not working so apologies for just figures!
I divorced my ex husband last April 2015 - all very amicably and we have remained very friendly. We have two amazing children, age 8 & 7, who we share 50/50 therefore I am not paid any maintenance. Due to my ex's career as a school teacher within the private sector, he receives a sizeable discount on the children's education. When we split up both children were at private prep school, I was working part time (to enable dropping off and picking up of children from school) and earning 15k whilst he was earning 45k. In July 2014, he agreed to pay for the school fees for the winter and spring term 2014/15 but I would have to pick up the fees for the summer term of 2015 which I did, 1500 a term. Moving forward to last year, my ex applied for and got a new job as he was miserable in his last position and was offered a position in a different county working at one of the top private senior schools in the country. My now partner and I made the decision that we would relocate to allow the 50/50 access for the children to continue. This was at great cost I must mention as we had to move to one of the most expensive counties in the country.
When my ex-husband was offered the new job in May 2014, whilst discussing the implications of the move, on all of us, he stated that he felt it would be outrageous if I didn't go back to work full time once we'd moved. However, I was very worried/concerned that as a mother my first concern was the children would need me whilst they started their new schools and settled in etc and I didn't want a stranger having to pick them up. My ex stated he thought I was being ridiculous and that children were very resilient - they would be fine. One thing I am not is work shy so as soon as we had relocated I duly landed a full time job that would start early september but due to the nature of the job (my career is estate agency) I would have to work every other saturday. To cut a long story short, two weeks before I was due to start, my ex virtually demanded I turn down the job to enable me to be there for the children and to make sure I could to do picks ups etc as his timetable was going to be so demanding. He also felt that my job would be unfair on him as in holiday time he would not get any off time and every other saturday would need to be catered for. So I turned it down. At this point my ex stated that as a trade off he was prepared to pay all of my son's school fees for that year roughly 5000k. My partner and I struggled for the next couple of months financially as we had budgeted for me to be working. I must add that my ex and I share all the costs for the children 50/50 (apart from the fees at this stage) and my ex was not interested in the fact that I was finding money tight in September/october, he said that wasn't his problem. Things got desperate in October (partner had been put on 31 days notice for redundancy) so I managed to get a job, full time, paying 22k but with no saturdays. I also now have to pay 250 per month on childcare so that my daughter can be picked up from her school at 3pm. My ex does not contribute to this.
We are now 2016 and my daughter is set to join her brother at the prep school this september. My ex has stipulated that I am to pay her school fees which are 5000k a year - roughly 450 per month whilst he pays for my sons. Here is where I am floundering. I would love nothing more than to pay her fees however, I am getting constant shocked responses from friends and loved ones who are saying surely the payment of fees should be worked commensurate with my ex and my salaries? As I say, i take home 22k and my ex is roughly 45-48k. He doesn't pay rent as his employers gives him accommodation. I have not made any claim on his money before or after our divorce nor his pension. I also pay him 50 per month for my part of the divorce as he paid for outright for it to be done online...
My ex's argument is because I live with my partner (who has 3 teenage dependants and an expensive divorce in progress) I am in a better financial situation however this is not the case. The rent we have to pay due to relocating to accommodate my ex's career is very expensive as are the bills that come with it. We managed to secure the smallest/cheapest property we could but the rent is still madness. At the end of the month when all bills etc are paid we have 1000 to live off. Take 450 out for my daughters school fees etc and I am fearing we will go under. The obvious solution to many and one which I am sure a judge would say is take the children out of private education however partly the reason my ex changed career to become a teacher was to enable us to educate them privately due to the discount....
I would be so appreciative of any unbiased opinions. As I say, my ex and I, are at the moment very friendly but I fear a lot of that has to do with the fact that I always bend over backwards to accommodate his situation. If I ever disagree with him or challenge his views the relationship quickly changes. I also fear that if we fall out over this, the children will suffer however, on the other hand I do not want to be taken for a mug. I desperately want to pay what i can but I'm frightened of going bankrupt :( I cannot afford a solicitor at the moment so totally unsure where I stand. I hope I have covered everything, my apologies for the essay!!!