Dh wants passports of me and the dc

[lavenderhoney]

I left my dh and returned to the UK at the beginning of the year and am hoping to file for divorce this week and then serve him papers as he lives in the Middle East ( he is European)

He refuses to accept I want a divorce and the lawyer has asked me to discuss the best way to serve him without his flying off the handle. I think he is going to be furious as he just keeps saying I'm very selfish in not giving him a chance ( yet again) I have a whole thread in relationships about it all.

He sent me an email this week saying he was going to send everything to hell and lose the plot, no idea what he means. He has debt so cannot leave the ME until its paid.

He has asked me for the passports for me and the dc to cancel our visas - do I have to send them? I don't want to as I think he might take the children out of the UK.

And I'm worried about his reaction to me serving him, what can I expect? He does have his name on the house, but has never lived here.

Any advice much appreciated:)

[rainbowinmyroom]

Cut contact with this man. Get a new lawyer, too. I would not even communicate with this man at all except by lawyer. Don't send him anything, you have no plans to travel there so there is no need to cancel the visas, they will expire.

I would inform the authorities in case he comes to visit and tries to abduct the children.

[BrucieTheShark]

Totally agree with Longdistance. I would destroy the DCs passports if there was even the smallest chance he would get hold of them.

[BrucieTheShark]

The ME is not the best place to be involved with if a father wants to remove children from their mother, regardless of nationality.

[Flyingbytheseatofmypullups]

I was going to suggest 'losing' the passports. All of them. How long till the passports themselves expire? Put them in a safe place - ideally in someone else's house. Don't get new ones or duplicates. Tell the passport office not to issue news ones to anyone. Tell him they're lost and you haven't got new ones yet. Don't worry about the visas. Without passports he cant take them out of the country when he visits. Tell him when its convenient to visit and that you'll be away visiting friends for the rest of the school holidays. Don't let him dictate the dates nor stay in your home.

[Theoldhag]

I wouldn't destroy passports that just leaves it open for him to have new ones done. I agree with rainbow, cut contact, block him from emailing, texting, phoning you and he can converse only through solicitor.

The visa is a red herring, as it will run out anyway.

[Flyingbytheseatofmypullups]

Oh and I also meant to say get a lawyer with a lot of experience of dealing with this specific type of case. I would assume that your H has done the same i.e. Got (or will get) a lawyer with experience of getting kids out of the uk away from their mum.

[EarthWindFire]

Passports aren't really the property of the holder. They belong to the government.

It may be worth seeing if a solicitor will hold them for you (they sometimes do when there is a dispute between parents as to who should hold them)

[RandomFriend]

When do the passports expire? If it is in the next nine months, you can send them to be renewed.

You should receive the old passports back, but no longer valid. These could be used to cancel the visas.

It is a good idea to contact the HR department of the company he works for directly and see what is really needed. Someone there should be able to work out what can be done without the passports. But don't send them, under any circumstances!

[PenisesAreNotPink]

What do you care about the visas? They can't do anything to you, I'm guessing you're not going back there

And you are certainly never going to send your kids there or he will just keep them

You don't have to please him about the visas - so they hassle him for him, who gives a fuck.

[Waltons]

Another one who has read all your threads, lavender and this request worries me.

As far as I can see, your residency visas have already expired because you have been out of the country for more than 6 months - see 11th paragraph under residency visas:

If an individual who is the holder of a residency permit chooses to spend more than six months of that time outside the country then they lose their right to residency status.

Looking at various websites, it seems to be a moot point as to whether they still need to be formally cancelled for any reason, and a call to the UAE Embassy would be worthwhile. Note that the enquiry line is only open for a couple of hours in the middle of the day.

(I wouldn't give them your name when you enquire, just in case ...)

[honeymango]

I've been lurking on your other thread for a long time, lavender, and am so keen for you to get free of this man.

I'm not sure what country you're in, but if it is the UAE, I found a link with info similar to the info that waltons found. It says:

^If the sponsor wants to cancel the residence visa of a persons who is outside the UAE, the original passport of the sponsored person must be produced with the residence visa cancellation form signed by the sponsor unless the sponsored persons has no job and his residence validity is expired or if he has exceeded six months stay outside the UAE.

It should be noted that staying outside the UAE for more than 6 consecutive months will result in the cancellation of the residence automatically.^

Full link here: www.abudhabipaddy.com/#!visa-and-immigration/c1z9x

So your residence validity has probably expired on its own by now anyway. And even if your ex is right in saying that he needs your passports to cancel the visas officially, that is too big a risk for you to take. He has shown himself to be very controlling and will welcome the opportunity to be in a position of power, holding the passports. I can imagine you asking repeatedly to have them back and him saying no.

Finally, the only reason I can imagine for complying with the ME law in cancelling your visas officially is that if you don't, it might jeopardise your chances of entering the ME country again in the future. But you don't WANT to enter the ME country again in the future. And you don't want your children to enter it. So if worse comes to worst and you're banned from entering the ME country, who cares? What could the negative repercussions possibly be?

Speak to the embassy to get the facts straight, then let your DH know calmly and coolly that you won't be sending the passports. Good luck!

[Waltons]

Nice find, honeymango. As far as I can tell, with the UAE being a federal state, those regulations apply to Dubai just as much as they do in Dubai.

lavender, I am feeling angrier for you than ever before. He asked for all three passports, but the only reason he wanted yours was to "complete the set" and put you off guard.

What he is undoubtedly after is the DC's passports with a view to abducting them to heaven knows where. Please take all the advice given above to protect your children, yourself and your passports.

[Waltons]

... Dubai just as much as they do in Abu Dhabi Spooky auto-correct.

[lavenderhoney]

Honeymango, thank you for that link and info:)

I'm not sending the passports - and my solicitor laughed when I told her, and said it would be madness to send them. I'm not going to contact anyone and cancel them. They expire at the end of August anyway.

[Homebird8]

If they expire soon Lavender then you need to contact the passport office to make sure the DC's father cannot apply for new ones for them. Either apply yourself or contact the unit PP's have been mentioning. If he gets passports for them you won't be able to and the abduction risk rises. Does he know the passports expire in a couple of days?

[EverythingCounts]

I can't see any possible reason to send them. So what if he wants to cancel the visas? Do what rainbow says above and just cut contact with him forever more. It will save you a lot of heartache. I have read previous threads of yours too.

[EverythingCounts]

And yes, get them new passports asap. I would go in person to the nearest passport office to you and get them done on the day. Then no chance of delay and you can put them away safely and breathe again.

[wafflyversatile]

Definitely contact the passport office you don't want him applying for them nor cancelling any new ones you apply for so he can replace them.

[lavenderhoney]

I meant the visas are due to expire, sorry for any confusion.

I am in the UK and he is in the ME. I haven't replied to his mail though.

[HappySunflower]

If they are due to expire it sounds very much as though he is planning to try and get them removed, and what is why he wants the passports.

It does sound as though you have a good solicitor which I'm sure will help to keep you all safe. But, I would advise additional precautions if and when he visits, starting with always having a friend or relative with you, and not allowing him unsupervised access to the children.

[HappySunflower]

renewed not removed, sorry!

[lavenderhoney]

He says he won't be over until school hols half term oct, but seeing as he hasn't had time to Skype the dc for over a week, and he's NOT staying here I'm not sure I believe him. He also plans to come Christmas which again is IMO rubbish as he will be v busy.

I think he will run from the ME and make my life a misery here instead.

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

I would be getting a specialist lawyer, the police, boarder control, his embassy and old mother hubbard involved. It's scaring me, I'm surprised you aren't a total wreck. He would be coming near my kids over his dead body and I'd arrange it.

[lavenderhoney]

Latte, I'm not doing that well, actually, no periods for ages due to stress, and my lawyer said to continue to document all comms and see a doctor/ health visitor wrt ds night terrors and bed wetting which started again when dh arrived and stopped abruptly when dh left after 2.5 weeks.

[lavenderhoney]

The lawyers I'm with specialise in international divorce law although I am slightly bemused by the mediation approach and it was advice on mn that told me to document, not the lawyers, although of course they are v pleased I thought of doing so