Does your ex phone the kids every night he's not with them?

[balooga]

Have been separated for 8 months. One DS age 6. Ex DH has never once phoned to speak to DS, even when it's been over a week since seeing him,....but someone has obviously told him you should be doing this so he's announced he's going to call him for a chat every night at bedtime...
Ex dh is insisting on three days a week and I have four. I want to change this as we have no divorce as yet, just an informal agreement, but there are lots of issues which means DS isn't happy with him and I'm not happy with that level of access. Anyway aside from that is there any reason he shouldn't phone ds every night? For me it feels so intrusive. Ex is a bully and an arrogant shit. The times I don't have to speak to him, hear from, him interact with him are the times I can relax and be happy. Any interaction or reminder of him and I'm tense and feel pretty sick.
DS has had similar feelings but is on the same ride I used to be on of sometimes hating him, sometimes trying to believe Daddy is lovely.
Would it be outrageous to suggest he doesn't call every night? It feels outrageous to suggest he doesn't. DS isn't bothered about talking to him.

I'd go for what your DS wants to do, including giving him a mobile just for that purpose. My DS is also 6, and he texts or calls his father or viceversa whenever he wants.

My exH took me to court for access (which he already had 3-4 times a week due to my shifts). Contact was at our house (mine & DS) as exH had made himself pretty much homeless when I discovered his affair. All came to a head when he tried to take DS whilst I was out "if you're not home in 20 minutes, we'll be gone". He then tried to take me to court for Shared Residency (which he could not actually facilitate due to lack of living arrangements) and then more access. The judge stepped in and recognised the madness and awarded him 1 night a fortnight (he now lives with OW) and telephone contact on the alternate weekend. The judge said that as exH had been so disruptive in our lives, we can have a 3 week break from the contact routine in the summer - which we are currently enjoying. However, never one to let sleeping dogs lie or be told what to do by anyone - I discovered that he has gives DS a brand new iPhone so that he can ring whenever. I found this very intrusive - we have never missed a telephone contact or overnight so was left with a very difficult decision. I could have let it go, letting exH back in to our lives whenever he feels or I could have said no to the phone (making me the bad guy taking the phone away).
Anyway - I decided to go with what the judge had awarded, so no iPhone but at least he gets to see his Dad regularly without our lives revolving around him.
Thee is a MASSIVE back story to all this, but ultimately - we rebuilt our lives without too much intrusion or disruption with a routine DS understands