to ask does your ex contibute towards school uniform?

[slightlyunbalanced]

Have 3 DC with 2 exes, both pay maintenance voluntarily. Relationship with Ex 1 is not civil although last yr when eldest DC went to Upper School he gave me some money towards uniform on top of maintenance. Ex 2 (who pays in line with CSA which is a pittance) always pays for his DC school shoes.

In recent wks Ex 1 has suddenly started being civil, our DD is going to Upper School in Sep and needs a lot of things. Also will have massive bus fares to pay (as have lost a free lift to school for them) which he has made it clear he isn't going to help with.

Exd 2 recently split with wife (they have DC) and I know is struggling to cope emotionally/financially.

Do I ask for help or just not bother rocking the boat?

What do others (whose ex's are involved) do?

nothing

My DH has always paid £452 for two children every month. We have never contributed towards school uniform, or bus fares, as his ex doesnt appear to need it, she never worked until the eldest had already left school, but still managed to move house three times and have a new car every year, so we figured she was okay for money! She has often moaned and asked that we pay for this or that, but we took to discussing it with the children and working it out between us, then going back to the Ex with our thoughts. We have however contributed to the big school trips, if the child had worked hard etc etc. HTH

The frogs - that is true for all schools, however alot of those budgets are being pulled, so might not be availiable, but its worth asking as they are not means tested, and are at the heads descrection, we fall down whenever means testing comes into play, but our school have been great at helping us :)

"if you dont ask you dont get" (so my nan used to say)....

Worst scenario, a red face.

Contribute? Ahahahahaha, good one.

No, the ex pays nothing above what CSA take directly from his giro, which is £1:67 a week for 2 DC. Apparently it is a magic £2 though, since according to him it pays for their Scouts, football training, canoeing costs and trips out. I did ask once for help with uniform as DS1 was going up to senior school (no uniform grants here) and it was going to cost me £200 to kit him out (second hand). That was when I was laughed at and told that he already funds all our jollies with the CSA so I wasnt to come scrounging for extras

My ex pays CSA, no griping and such. I have spent the lot this month on uniform, as our youngest is starting school too.

He used to refuse to help out with random unexpected expenses (I budget for normal ones) but has mellowed in recent years and will now and again offer a little extra if he has the spare cash. Mind you, if he's planning a day out somewhere nice with them I'll give him a little extra for ice creams or whatnot if I have the spare cash too, so I suppose it works out.

Exh pays nothing in addition to CSA. TBH if he offered I wouldn't take it - he uses money as a way of control.

There is no way exp would pay towards ds's uniform hes just going up to reception this year. Last time i spoke to him conveniently when he wanted me to do something for him i said i had all his uniform etc to get his reply was 'we have all that to do for dsd' I've had to fight for maintenance and tbh I'm too proud to ask him for help with it i dont want to feel like i owe him anything. I've managed through some really tough times financially without his help. Luckily my parents are giving me some help they've got DS's pencil case and stationary, trousers and plimsols so i just need to get pe kit tshirts and jumpers along with shoes. They want to make it easier as DS2 is due in ovtober half term

nope, ex pays £34 per week CSA for 3 kids and not a penny more. thankfully he has no contact either

Yabu.

This is not an aibu thread.

well yes it is bobby hat because if the OP genuinely is struggling to find the money for her kids uniform its only right that dad helps out IMO

on the other hand, if shes just trying to get a few quid out of him (Im not saying she is) then id say she is being unreasonable.

Perfectly eligible for debate IMO

Perfectly reasonable question for debate. But why is it aibu?

Forgot to add, there is a uniform grant available here. Last time I applied was four years ago. It is £25 and payable once only, when your child goes into full time school.

Maybe OP cant decide wether it is reasonable for him to pay or not, hence asking the question!

Hi,

In all honesty i'd say it depends on your relationship. That is by far the biggest catch.

In terms of school uniforms i would logically argue that the maintenance (especially if paid via CSA) is there for that. Things like medicines or travel i have to say most exp's will agree to pay.

School uniform is always the reason i always say as part of any agreements (financial) relating to child maintenance, school uniform should be agreed as being something to be paid for (provided ample notice is given).

If i ever got asked the question on school uniform i'd refuse under the necessity that is what the CSA is for. Very often as is the case... you make your bed... you sleep in it

To steal curries excellent sentence "Does he fuck as like"

Nada, nothing, niente. I did mention that he really needs to start paying something when he rang 4 months ago to see if me and DS were going to his wedding. I said I needed some money towards school uniform.

He sent DS a few presents (b'day this week) and £40. I have to admit thinking wheres my money - DS doesn't need it I DO.

I think you should ask, you won't be any worse off if they say no but better off if they say yes.