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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

to ask does your ex contibute towards school uniform?

66 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 13/08/2011 13:11

Have 3 DC with 2 exes, both pay maintenance voluntarily. Relationship with Ex 1 is not civil although last yr when eldest DC went to Upper School he gave me some money towards uniform on top of maintenance. Ex 2 (who pays in line with CSA which is a pittance) always pays for his DC school shoes.

In recent wks Ex 1 has suddenly started being civil, our DD is going to Upper School in Sep and needs a lot of things. Also will have massive bus fares to pay (as have lost a free lift to school for them) which he has made it clear he isn't going to help with.

Exd 2 recently split with wife (they have DC) and I know is struggling to cope emotionally/financially.

Do I ask for help or just not bother rocking the boat?

What do others (whose ex's are involved) do?

OP posts:
ballstoit · 13/08/2011 16:37

Lucky you! I suppose there will be some poorer families at your DDs school who will be struggling with the price of the uniforms. That's up to them to take up with the school though.

I'd rather just get on with it, if I could afford the uniforms then I wouldnt bother asking ex-H for a contribution. As I said, my DC's relationship with their dad is more important to me than money.

But if it's bothering you that much, then ask. Ypu seem pretty sure YABU, so you might as well do.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 13/08/2011 16:47

In the eyes of the government we aren't - and I'm not lucky, I work very hard and have overcome a lot of crap and no childcare to make a career for myself.

I think if you are on benfits you get a uniform grant don't you? Which is about £200 (correct me as I may well be wrong).

I am not sure about anything ballstoit - just interested to know what others do.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 13/08/2011 16:51

Most places do not get uniform grants no.

I think it is ludicrous to suggest that a childs absent father should not contribute towards their childs uniform just because the mother is working.

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/08/2011 16:54

Depends on what the maintainance level is I think. If you match the amount given and add on the child benefit and tax credits and its not enough to cover the chids food/clothes over the year then YANBU to ask for a little extra help.

However secondary school doesnt come out of the blue so costs dont have to be budgeted for just in the month or so before.

stressedHEmum · 13/08/2011 16:59

My exH left me when DS1 was a baby and I was pregnant with DS2, so almost 20 years ago. In that time he has, grudgingly and not reliably, paid the amount asked of him by the CSA (which hadn't been reviewed for over 12 years until recently) and not a penny more. He will stop paying anything at all very soon, when DS2 goes to college. In the early days, he actually tried to pass his payments off as birthday gifts etc. for DS1 by writing a check made out to him which meant that I couldn't get a hold of the money.

Even now that DS1 is at uni, he has never so much as offered to buy a pencil never mind anything else. Nor will he contribute anything to DS2 going to college. Even when I was a single parent with 2 kids living under the last Tory regime, he wouldn't help with a thing. Still, he frequently left me with nothing while we were married so that he could go golfing/cricketing/to the pub with friends, so I never expected anything else.

Uniform grant here is 40pounds per child and you can only get it if you are on IS/JSA

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 13/08/2011 17:07

I thought uniform grant was universal/centralised?!

I understand that there are a load of shit dads about (Ex 1 is a contender) but does that mean all single parents should have a "be grateful for what you get" attitude. That makes me feel very sad.

If I won the lottery I would still expect the fathers of my children to contribute on principal.

OP posts:
HauntedLittleLunatic · 13/08/2011 17:26

I don't get uniform grant here either.

GrownUpNow · 13/08/2011 17:31

I am civil with DSs dad, but do not get any maintenance from him at all, so am responsible for buying all of his school uniform. His dad does have access.

I am not in communication with DDs dad, but get £40 a month child maintenance from him, but will be responsible for paying her pre-school fees and buying her uniform. Her dad has no access (through choice).

If I thought I might get some support towards school uniform, I would ask for it, but I doubt it would happen.

CurrySpice · 13/08/2011 17:59

The school jumpers - which are compulsary at DD1's new school - are £22 each!!!

I have just spent £88 on football boots and trainers for DD1 (admittedly there were 2 paits of trainers) I feel weak!

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 13/08/2011 18:01

£22?! bloody hell!!! Hope you got her a massive one Grin

OP posts:
deemented · 13/08/2011 18:05

Down here you get a uniform grant - worth £40 - when child goes to secondary school, and when they are about to go into year 10. Again, another £40.

Which doesn't cover much at all.

CurrySpice · 13/08/2011 18:10

deemented I think that would just about cover the beer you need to calm your nerves!! Shock

zukiecat · 13/08/2011 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 13/08/2011 19:50

Some so-called fathers re real charmers aren't they? Hmm Angry

brightermornings · 13/08/2011 19:54

My ex pays maintenance a bit more than CSA say £65 a week. He had dc's from lunch on sat too teatime on sunday every other weekend. I don't ask for any extra money as his mum is in charge of his finances (he's 44!!). DD goes into year 5 this year so I'm going to start saving for her high school uniform now by putting £2 a week in a tin. DS starts college in sept I pay for his bus pass monthly it's over £200 my own dad offered to help pay for it but I said no.

elastamum · 13/08/2011 20:01

Have just spent an eyewatering amount on uniform / new trainers / football boots / school shoes for my two and they are both off to camp next week as I have to work. DS2 (12) is in adult clothes - size 8 feet! so not cheap.

Ex pays CSA guideline amounts but doesnt contribute anything extra towards uniform, summer camps, childcare etc. He already feels he pays far too much as he also has to pay 1/2 our school fees bill. Fortunately I earn enough to keep us all afloat.

ninjanurse · 13/08/2011 20:10

Ex pays £80 a week for 2 kids. He pays for all school uniform, he also pays for any school trips or extra school shoes needed throughout the school year. He also pays extra for odds and sods throughout the year ie. passports, dance uniforms etc etc. We have a reasonable civil relationship. I am fairly sure he earns a lot more than he says he does and prefers this arrangement rather than paying a higher weekly amount.

TheFrogs · 13/08/2011 20:29

Ds dad pays me nothing. He will occasionally buy ds an item of clothing if I ask (mostly I dont). His contribution to ds's secondary school uniform was one shirt which was such a bastard to iron I gave up with it in the end. He was also furious when I asked him for half towards a pair of trainers (£15), I shouldn't buy such expensive ones apparently Hmm...it's not my fault ds has size 11 feet!!

zukiecat · 13/08/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballstoit · 13/08/2011 21:36

No uniform grant here and I can't see one starting now!

If my ex could afford to pay for uniforms and still have regular contact, then I might ask. As he can't, I think it would be pretty harsh on my kids to ask him. I prefer to budget and cut down on my own expenses, as I'd have to if we were still together.

twinkle1010 · 13/08/2011 21:50

My exH pays a fair sum of maintanence (in line with CSA as he is in a well paid job.) We have been seperated just over a year he also pays half towards uniform costs. Whether this will continue over the years I dont know but I really hope so.

When DD requires extra uniform during the year I usually buy that as its not nearly as expensive as buying the whole lot for september.

CardyMow · 13/08/2011 23:33

DD - Her dad has finally decided after 13 yrs to pay maintenance - I have no idea HOW much he's going to pay, or how often, but by this point, anything will be welcome!

DS1 - His dad pays nothing, but has quite a lot of access (45% there, 55% with me). He pays nothing more because he's a) got a lot of access, but mostly because b) He's not worked in 9 years which is partly why I left the lazy cheating fucker. I did almost drop dead in July when he gave me half the money to pay for DS1's football training when they go back, as he's never paid for anything before. In 9 years.

DS2 & DS3 - Their dad pays £55 a week, in line with CSA calculator, and he will pay extra when DS2 needs school shoes, as DS2 has problems with his feet, and his shoes cost £60+ each, so we half the price, as ex-p says, I'd be able to budget for a £30 clarks pair of shoes, but £60+ is not do-able. He will slip me a bit of money for DS2's school sweatshirts as they're £14 each (PRIMARY!), and we don't get a uniform grant for secondary here, never mind primary.

A uniform grant would have done me a great help when DD was in Y7, as I was getting nothing from her dad, and she went from being in age 9-10 clothes in the September of Y7 to being in age 14-15 clothes by the July that year. Necessatating 3 full sets of uniform (including blazers & school PE clothes!) plus extra shirts. STILL no fecking uniform grant.

hiddenhome · 13/08/2011 23:47

I receive absolutely nothing. No CSA, no money for uniform, no pocket money for him, nothing at all.

MrsS01 · 13/08/2011 23:52

same as hiddenhone - receive nothing, no CSA, no money for uniform - nothing at all - sh** isn't it

TheFrogs · 13/08/2011 23:57

Just a thought, for anyone struggling with uniform could you have a word with the head? There is something we have here (apparently) at the "discretion" of the head but it's all very hush hush...I assume because people would take the piss.