Quick bit of background....
Together 14 years, 3 children...9, 3 and 2.
He works full time but does not earn a lot. I am a SAHM with no income of my own.
My husband has anger issues....always has done. He is not violent in the physical sense, has never hit me. However, he is prone to frquent outbursts of anger, frustration and general impatience. He often speaks to me as though I were something on the bottom of his shoe...despite claiming to love me. He swears at me, calls me names occasionally (fucking retard being a favourite, or fucking mongo), raises his voice frequently, and reacts badly to being challenged about his behaviour. He is at liberty to express anger whenever it suits him, whether it is appropriate or not, and I am expected to accept this as him not really meaning anything by it, yet I am lambasted on the odd occasion I let off steam. Interestingly, he is able to control his outbursts around other people. The outbursts and disresepect I am subjected to, take place in front of our three children. I am very concerned about that, as they will either pick up that it's ok to speak to your spouse like shit, or that it is acceptable to be spoken to like shit. Not ideal is it?
He does not like to socialise and doesn't maintain any friendships. He is very negative about everything, and seems to glean very little pleasure from life. I walk on eggshells all the time, fearing that anything will set him off, and tbh, I feel quite controlled by his temper. He is a quiet, shy man and I'm sure people would be very surprised to know how domineering he can be. He shouts down my opinions, talks through me, and regularly makes me feel stupid.
He is also emotionally demanding, craving affection and respect and to be listened to - whereas I can't bear the thought of him touching me, sexually or otherwise. I don't love him any more.
I realise that he most likely suffers from long term depression and low self esteem, but seeing as he flatly refuses to seek any sort of help to address these problems (and I have tried, believe me), preferring to make me take the brunt of his unhappiness and fury instead, I don't really feel that it's something I should continue to take into consideration.
We live in a house in both our names, that is bought outright. His mother funded our home and put it into both our names. We aslo own a flat elsewhere which is mortgaged and rented out.
I have no desire to take this house away from him. His mother bought it for her son and his family. I cannot ask him to leave. He wouldn't go anyway, even if I did.
The flat we own is unsuitable for the kids and I, as is 15 miles away from school and nursery, and has only two bedrooms. I don't have a car and can't drive. If we split, I would need to stay in the local area, both for schooling and so that H may have regular access to the kids.
Where the hell do I start - I haven't a bean to my name!
Thanks.