How to have food in the house FiL eats everything

[Z0rr0]

We visited PiL yesterday. FiL’s dementia is advancing. One of the main issues is he forgets when he’s eaten and doesn’t seem to feel sated. Mil says she can no longer have a fruit bowl because every time he goes to the kitchen he will eat another piece of fruit. That doesn’t sound bad except that he takes meds for diabetes so needs to limit his sugar intake and struggles with his bowels and doesn’t always make it to the toilet in time.
If she gets a four pack of yoghurts for the week he will eat them all within a couple of days. He gets up in the middle of the night to make food.
When we visited yesterday we brought fish and chips because she had almost nothing in the fridge or the cupboard. It was actually insane how much chips he kept eating and he finished off a whole pot of curry sauce which is quite fatty so we were all concerned about how his stomach would cope with it, even though MiL didn’t step in to take the chips away which I didn’t really understand. DH thought maybe she didn’t want to seem controlling.
She told us they don’t really even have jam or sauces in the house now as he will just eat the whole lot. He got up the other night and she found him eating bread and cheese and because there was no pickle or anything left he’d opened a tin of chopped tomatoes and ate those on the cheese.
People have said put locks on the fridge or cupboards but he is strong and determined and will just remove them or break them off.
The empty cupboard and fridge were in part because she needs to go shopping which is happening today, but how can she find ways to keep food she wants to have for them, without him eating it all. I think she won’t be able to get special stuff in for Christmas because he will just go through the lot before the day.

Eating a packet of biscuits & a punnet of grapes may be OK for you, but do you have T2D?

His diet isn't good for T2 diabetes anyway. Starting the day with a big bowl of cornflakes and 2 spoons of sugar is awful, but as his HBA1C is apparently okay at the moment, in the scheme of things this probably isn't the most important thing.

This sort of happened to my Dad who had early onset Alzheimer’s. He just started losing weight at an alarming rate, despite eating vast quantities. It was like his body just forgot how to digest the food, so it didn’t seem to matter how much he ate. We just kept loads (and loads) of snacks in for him.

I appreciate you’re all worried about his diabetes, so a bit different. Is your MIL worried about money? Is that why she’s trying to make food go so far and last a long time etc? If she can afford it, and his blood sugars are okay, I’d honestly just encourage her to massively up the food shopping. Obviously if she can’t afford it, then that’s different.

I don’t think she is worried about the money. More about his health and the work for her when he has an accident. I feel like most people would think it’s not great to eat half a jar of pickle in a few hours. Or mayo or whatever.
She is used to budgeting, so possibly has an eye on the pounds, but is definitely not restricting his diet or really stopping him from eating what he wants, when he wants. But obviously if he eats everything until it’s gone then it means often the things she would like to eat are gone. And it must feel a bit weird for her to keep replacing on a weekly basis things that might ordinarily have in the fridge for a couple of months.
I think there are definitely work arounds as PPs have offered which we can suggest, although it does make more work for her to an extent.
It’s tricky because she can get emotional when we suggest helping more and we don’t want to take their independence away. FiL can still get himself up and washed and dressed and fed obviously.
SiL lives very close by but works and is focused on her own kids and grandkids understandably. We’re aware that the burden naturally falls on her and are loathe to ask her to do more.
But we have said we need to put support in place or look at what is available now, rather than be flailing around when she actually needs it. And we are going to help with managing bills and finances by getting named as people the bills people can talk to so if problems arise we can fix them for her.
A respite visitor sounds really useful, so I will look into that and encourage her to approach the dementia team. Part of the problem with travelling to them is that I am the only driver, so if we visit we both have to go, and DD too if we stayed overnight.
Thanks for all the advice and perspectives. I’ll make some suggestions and see what we can do.

That sounds really exhausting for your MIL, especially when she’s trying to manage his diabetes as well. Could she keep some food in a separate place he doesn’t usually look, or perhaps have a small selection of snacks he can safely eat whenever he feels hungry? It might also be worth speaking to his GP or dementia nurse, as this constant hunger and lack of fullness could need further assessment.

Would your husband be able to contact the dementia team about what is going on ? They also might be entitled to patient transport for appointments so you don't have to stay over i appreciate your mil might need the support if he has appointments, was just a thought.

I think she is stashing bits in a few places but obviously can’t be chilled items. Patient transport is a good call. I’ll look at that. Thank you.

Buy some lidded pots to divide up healthy snacks into portions. Daily boxes with a range of options
( like a lunch box)
The fridge in a shed is a good idea.
The term for not knowing if you are hungry/ full/ hot cold etc is difficulties with Interoception.

Buy her a safe if hes that strong? You can get small ones from about £25 on amazon, obviously a bit bigger as well, and its something you can at least use afterwards or sell on.

In the winter stuff will keep chilled in there with an icepack if kept in the garage/car for at least a few days. Or if it s a very small one she could even keep it in the fridge.

Same with a cool box and icepacks if there are places he doesnt go. As long as the lid isnt constantly being taken off they can stay cool for a good while, more than enough to keep some yoghurts or ready meals cool. She just has to replace the ice packs every other day once they are thawed. She can even make her own by freezing blocks of water in storage containers.

That's pretty much how everyone managed to keep food cool for all of history before fridges became commonplace in the last 50-70 years.