How to have food in the house FiL eats everything

[Z0rr0]

We visited PiL yesterday. FiL’s dementia is advancing. One of the main issues is he forgets when he’s eaten and doesn’t seem to feel sated. Mil says she can no longer have a fruit bowl because every time he goes to the kitchen he will eat another piece of fruit. That doesn’t sound bad except that he takes meds for diabetes so needs to limit his sugar intake and struggles with his bowels and doesn’t always make it to the toilet in time.
If she gets a four pack of yoghurts for the week he will eat them all within a couple of days. He gets up in the middle of the night to make food.
When we visited yesterday we brought fish and chips because she had almost nothing in the fridge or the cupboard. It was actually insane how much chips he kept eating and he finished off a whole pot of curry sauce which is quite fatty so we were all concerned about how his stomach would cope with it, even though MiL didn’t step in to take the chips away which I didn’t really understand. DH thought maybe she didn’t want to seem controlling.
She told us they don’t really even have jam or sauces in the house now as he will just eat the whole lot. He got up the other night and she found him eating bread and cheese and because there was no pickle or anything left he’d opened a tin of chopped tomatoes and ate those on the cheese.
People have said put locks on the fridge or cupboards but he is strong and determined and will just remove them or break them off.
The empty cupboard and fridge were in part because she needs to go shopping which is happening today, but how can she find ways to keep food she wants to have for them, without him eating it all. I think she won’t be able to get special stuff in for Christmas because he will just go through the lot before the day.

She doesn’t eat dairy really because of migraines. After a normal shop they will have enough food in the house. It’s not a massive deal obviously if he eats four yoghurts in two days except if makes it harder for her to manage his diet and her shopping / food plan. He would eat a whole packet of biscuits in a day or two if she got them in and has eaten a whole jar of jam in the past. He ate a whole punnet of grapes one day and then shat the bed.

No one is locking food away but he will just eat and eat whatever is there until it’s gone because he forgets he was eating it half an hour earlier. He gets up in the night to eat food. He has been stocky all his life and still carries weight but has less muscle tone now so appears slimmer. It’s mainly the sweet stuff as he has a sweet tooth and doesn’t seem to realise how much sugar is in stuff. Like he would think he’d had a healthy breakfast because he ate a massive bowl of cornflakes and covered it in two tablespoons of sugar.

He wouldn’t snack on salad unfortunately. Not sure about crackers. I think the fridge in the garage might work but I don’t think she would be happy changing the locks because he’s a tinkerer and is out there all the time fetching tools and stuff.

Maybe he is hungry. 1 and a half portions of chips between 4 people isn’t a lot.

Maybe look in to a prescription sleeping tablet to combat the night waking. Keeping him hydrated may help. High protein, low carb meals and the same with the snacks. I wouldn't worry so much about the diabetes at this time, is he type 2?

Thanks. It’s hard to know as she downplays stuff a lot but there are definitely times when she is finding it hard but doesn’t often say. The GP is aware but is historically a bit shit. I think maybe a check in with the dementia team is a good idea. He is on a lot of medication, including mental health meds so there is a chance that one of them is not helping. I think he is losing track of time / awareness of time and just forgetting all the time that he has eaten. Whenever we FaceTime them she will say what they had for lunch or tea and 5 minutes later he’ll say it must be time for dinner soon. She’ll remind him they just ate but he’s clearly not feeling that in his stomach, or isn’t aware of feeling that.

Yes type 2 and a recent blood test showed he was ok. Hydration is a good point because he really doesn’t drink enough. The problem again is that he won’t drink just water and doesn’t drink tea and coffee. He likes cordials but again won’t dilute them. She bought the super strength lemon cordial and he drank the whole thing like it was already mixed. High protein is a good call except I don’t think he ever realises he is full.

I know i asked and I don't want to go on, but 2 bags of chips between 4 people and him going back for more doesn't seem to be a huge deal.

Not drinking enough or forgetting to is a dementia behaviour. If he's thirsty, he might be eating instead because he doesn't realise its thirst. Offer plenty of drinks. You could make up bottles of squash ready in the cupboard so they are already diluted.

I mean I guess different people eat different amounts. I didn’t eat the chips so it was two portions between DH, DD, MiL, FiL. They all had a really good pile of chips alongside their fish, plus peas. There was more than half a portion left. FiL already had a larger share but just went back for more and more. To me who doesn’t eat carbs really just imagining how full my belly would feel from that is uncomfortable. My DH can tuck food away and eats normally - curries, pizza, chips (and healthy stuff obv, I just mean he eats normal as opposed to me) and he also was shocked by how he just kept going and going with the chips.

Having the drinks already mixed is a good call.

A dementia clock might also help. As well as stating the time it has the day of the week, and whether it's morning/afternoon/evening/night.

Put it next to some sort of chalk board with 8am breakfast, 12 noon lunch, 6pm dinner or whatever their routine is. Might help him with understanding time.

I would agree though that it is time to get the ball rolling with support and flagging up any deterioration.

If he's on antipsychotic medication, it causes increased appetite and weight gain. Likewise some antidepressants.

You sound like quite a restrictive eater and possibly your MIL too, so I feel unsure how accurate perceptions of his eating are, being honest. If he's not gaining weight and his blood sugar is okay, I'm not sure this is something to worry about really.

He needs a bottle of no added sugar squash making up every day. He obviously can't manage making or mixing drinks. Is there any carer involvement? Sorry if you've answered this already. I think your FIL needs more care.

This sounds hard, but all of the examples you’ve given aren’t really that extreme. I can happily put away a packet of biscuits over two days, and a punnet of grapes in a day isn’t wild. Eating less than a portion of chips is just normal.

Did he perhaps snack out of the house before he became unwell? If he genuinely can’t tell when he’s full the outside fridge sounds fine, but you might want to do some actual calorie counting for reassurance and make sure he is actually getting enough.

He might not be interested in that kind of food.

Some people with Alzheimers get a sweet tooth and also as people age they lose taste buds so some people are attracted to things with a stronger taste.

My relative with Alzheirmers has the opposite problem of not eating enough, but he'll eat junk food whether sweet or savoury. I encourage it, which I wouldn't in a healthy person, because then at least he's eating something.

"This sounds hard, but all of the examples you’ve given aren’t really that extreme. I can happily put away a packet of biscuits over two days, and a punnet of grapes in a day isn’t wild. Eating less than a portion of chips is just normal."

Yes, but some old people can't get to the shops easily. If MiL can't go shopping by herself and relies on help for food shopping maybe FiL eating up the contents of the fridge causes her a lot of stress.

Or sugar free bottles of 'pop' not ideal but they are ready to drink and may encourage him to drink more fluid.

Sorry, no suggestions but just wanted to say you’re not alone experiencing this. My dad was exactly the same and also diabetic. Mum couldn’t turn her back for a second or he’d be scooping jam out jars and all sorts. I’m not sure if it was a side effect of medication, he couldn’t remember if he’d eaten or what. He’d lick his plate then try and take food from others. There was no convincing him either. Asking about it from dementia support people or his diabetic nurse is all I can suggest. There comes a point where you can only do so much and then just try to control the diabetes as best you can. 💐💐💐

The reason for this isn't that he's forgotten that he's eaten, it's that the disease affects parts of the brain that recognise hunger/satiety. Those functions cease to work. It's more common for it to go the opposite way i.e. they lose their appetite and eat too little, but the increased appetite and inability to stop eating is also possible.
She will have to find lockable places for food, realistically, if she wants there to be more food in the house.

Dementia does make people either unable to recognise they're full, or unable to recognise they're hungry. It's quite common I think, MIL was the opposite, a real struggle to get her to eat and drink.

Some antidepressants, like mirtazapine particularly, make you ravenous all the time. I find steroids make me crave carbs constantly too.

Having said that, 2 portions of chips between 4 people sounds perfectly normal, 4 yoghurts would not last me a week, a packet of biscuits here would likely be gone in 2 days and I can happily polish off a punnet of grapes in one sitting.

A lot of older people have a decrease in appetite. I'm wondering if MIL has a small appetite and is assuming FIL should eat the same. Would your MIL eat a full meal in a restaurant for example? What would she typically eat in a day?

Would he be better having bottles of ready mixed stuff like Oasis or similar, rather than risking him drinking undiluted squash?

It doesn't sound like that much food that he's eating. Could he be given more satisfying meals with more protein? He may just be genuinely hungry.

Mil eats well, normal amounts. They like to eat quite regularly where we’re a bit more relaxed about timings and eating according to hunger. We always laugh that they’re the only people we know who after a huge blow out Christmas dinner where we wouldn’t be eating for the rest of the day are looking at their watches three hours later to ask when tea is. They’re very traditional meat and two veg types and most meals will have potatoes so they do eat well. She is reliant on SiL to take her shopping although can walk if necessary to a nearby supermarket for backup stuff. I think it’s the impact it has on her food planning for the week, the trying to manage his diabetes, the disrupted sleep from him getting up to eat in the night, the problems she knows he will have with his stomach and bowels (which she will inevitably have to clear up) if he eats a lot of stuff that doesn’t really agree with him. And that he’ll he complaining about stomach ache whilst going back to keep eating more food. All these things together - with not having fruit out, or sauces in the fridge and other occasional treats - because he eats it all is getting her down. But maybe we should suggest she lighten up a bit and let him eat the jar of pickle or the packet of biscuits and not worry too much about the diabetes if it means she still gets a pear when she wants one (assuming he didn’t eat it first).

Thank you. I’m sorry your mum also had to manage this. It’s hard with us being so far away and just talking on FaceTime to judge how she is doing, but when we visit in person she can be quite tearful with just a light touch on the issues, which suggests she is finding the day to day (because it’s not just this, it’s the endlessly repeated conversation, repetitive tasks etc) quite hard. I think we tend to believe because she has lots of family around that she is well supported but the reality is they are all busy with their own lives and she isn’t asking for help, so I think perhaps she is quite isolated in managing it all. I think maybe asking the dementia team to visit and seeing what help they can offer is probably a good idea.

I live at the opposite end of the country and travelled every fee weeks to help mum (had to leave young family) for a couple of years. Unless you spend significant time with them, it’s hard to appreciate just how difficult it is. I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad. It’s just the sad reality of the situation. The level of severity in dad’s behaviour was all over the place but the speed of decline escalated particularly in the last year. Because he was in hospital a fee times, carers were put in place. It was so hard to get mum to accept help though. Please see if you can arrange for carers at least once a day to come in and say wash and dress him in the morning. Mum wouldn’t let anyone else feed dad or do his medicine. He hater being got ip and made to wash/dress at first, but eventually got used to it (for a while).

Sorry- lack of paragraphs! I saw my mum get so much older with the strain. It turned out dad was getting violent as well. She would be up 7 times a night to change him and the bed. It was worse than a toddler.

I made sure I visited when they had hoe visits from a cate team, an elderly practitioner, visited their GP together and we had social service out twice to establish risks to both my parents. Some things took time to get in place, but it did happen. There was a respite visitor who came for 3 hours every week. This was all arranged via the nhs (Scotland). It’s quite overwhelming when you start to try and understand what help/services are available. My mum typically thought everyone was a nurse or doctor- but I was able to distinguish who was part of what service.

We had a support worker who provided 3 visits and came with info leaflets (to much info for mum) but then helped us fill out applications for attendance allowance (it has a different name now) and a blue badge for mum.

The sooner you understand what help there is, the easier it is to get in place.
Speak to dementia support charities. Citizens advice were useful for mum too (I can’t remember why exactly). Please ask for help now though. Wishing you all the very best.

Can you get a white board and put a special calendar and clock next to it (the ones for people with dementia)write on the board “we ate at x time, the next mealtime is x time and we are having x to eat”? Or you could write a simple mealtime plan for the day on it with the times of the meals on the board. Then provide a limited amount of healthy snacks for him between meals which are accessible. Then he will know when to expect his next meal and when he last ate. Hide the rest away and ask him to put the things he wants on a shopping list and you will “buy them”.