She won't wake up

[Ankleblisters]

My mum, who is 71 and has late stage fronto-temporal dementia, has been asleep basically since Friday. Called 111 on Saturday late afternoon and they took her to A+E. We (she and I) were there for 10 hours and they couldn't find anything wrong except that she has an infection they can't identify (tests showed it was not a UTI or COVID). They released her with strong antibiotics but nothing has changed.

I live with and care for her full time but I am looking after her alone all this week because my father is away for work. This is also my absolute busiest time for work (luckily I WFH but I have clients coming here) and I'm exhausted with work and worry and failing to catch up on sleep after being in A+E with her all night on Saturday.

Trying to feed, hydrate and take her to the loo is incredibly hard because she is unwakeable and incredibly shaky and wobbly on her feet. She's been sleepy before when she's been under the weather but it's passed quickly and isn't this profound.

I'm really worried. I'm going to see if the GP practice will send us someone to come to the house. I can't think of anything else, I can't put her through the ordeal of A+E again.

I just need a handhold really. It feels like a horrible responsibility and juggling act.

Sorry to update yet again. The postmortem was this morning and the cause of death was shown to be sepsis due to a UTI. She had absolutely none of the symptoms of either. I have been SO careful and kept such a close eye on every possible symptom of both. She had been on excellent form in the past week or two. Heart rate, temperature, blood pressure, breathing, appetite were all normal. Weeing normally and with no smell. Nothing
The coroner is still refusing to sign off on the case because we left A+E (with a negative UTI test) six weeks ago. They want to investigate.
I feel horrible. I wish I knew what she felt, whether she suffered. Every article says that a death from sepsis is painful and drawn-out but she went to bed happy and died hours later.
I don't know what I'm feeling but it hurts.

Every article says that a death from sepsis is painful and drawn-out but she went to bed happy and died hours later.

You were there and you'd been her constant companion. If she went to bed happy, I don't see how she can have suffered. She'll have been unconscious and just slipped away. A good death. The sepsis diagnosis is puzzling but with most medical conditions there are rare exceptions without any symptoms. Maybe your mum was one of those.

I'm sorry you're hurting now and the coroner's approach sounds upsetting. But I would take comfort from the fact that you set out to look after your mum as best you could and enable her to live in her own home, and you succeeded. You made her comfortable and secure to the end. You've done her a great service. 💐

Ann had a post mortam my wife and the experance was stressfull as you feel it's your fault it's not . She passed on that day they just need to find out the cause of passing . It took 5 weeks to get a funeral sorted. I am so sorry l wad allowed to arrange to funeral to a degree my thoughts are with you and sorting an estate is not easy . Can l suggest that if mum gets a pension payment you keep it in her bank . Thoughts and prayers with you

So sorry you are having to go through this extra stress... you know that you gave her very good care and that she was happy in her last weeks. The doctors were not able to detect it and that is all on record. If she'd been in a lot of pain, it would have been more apparent. Take good care and be kind to yourself

I think it’s positive you now know there was a reason she died and your Mum didn’t just fall out of bed (not that it would have been your fault)
I think the only way to diagnose her uti would have been further investigations requiring hospital admission which would have been awful for you both.

I was glad to read you had some good weeks towards the end.

Hi ya in the case of dimentia sepsis may not be painfull simply because at the end of this dreadfull illness the brain does not get the pain message if you .l am not argueing with the above statement is not always true . It's true when the person has full brain capacity. A consultant at our local nhs hospital said and l think that you are fully correct

So sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful daughter. She was lucky to have you caring for her. She is at peace from her illness now. Hugs ❤️

I’ve had sepsis OP.
It wasn’t painful, just like an extreme fever that came on fast, okay - virtually unconscious in about 2hrs, although I’d felt a bit peculiar for a good 12hrs beforehand.
I can recall people talking to me, but not being able to reply and not really caring either. I recovered just as fast as I’d become ill. But I was in my 30’s and otherwise in good health. Theres a good chance your mother knew nothing about it.