She won't wake up

[Ankleblisters]

My mum, who is 71 and has late stage fronto-temporal dementia, has been asleep basically since Friday. Called 111 on Saturday late afternoon and they took her to A+E. We (she and I) were there for 10 hours and they couldn't find anything wrong except that she has an infection they can't identify (tests showed it was not a UTI or COVID). They released her with strong antibiotics but nothing has changed.

I live with and care for her full time but I am looking after her alone all this week because my father is away for work. This is also my absolute busiest time for work (luckily I WFH but I have clients coming here) and I'm exhausted with work and worry and failing to catch up on sleep after being in A+E with her all night on Saturday.

Trying to feed, hydrate and take her to the loo is incredibly hard because she is unwakeable and incredibly shaky and wobbly on her feet. She's been sleepy before when she's been under the weather but it's passed quickly and isn't this profound.

I'm really worried. I'm going to see if the GP practice will send us someone to come to the house. I can't think of anything else, I can't put her through the ordeal of A+E again.

I just need a handhold really. It feels like a horrible responsibility and juggling act.

I’m so, so sorry, sending you the gentlest of hugs x

How sad for you and your Dad. My condolences to you both. But recognising that you did your very best for Mum will bring you peace, if not now , then in the future, Mum must have been a very special lady. And she was loved, so loved, by your Dad and you. R.I.P.

I am sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your dad.

And a big, gentle hug for a daughter who has done so much, so well.

She was so lucky to have had that constant familiar care you gave her.
That's very unique. She must have really deserved all that love and dedication.
Lots of love and a virtual hug 💐

Hi @Ankleblisters im so sorry for your loss. You were a great daughter. May her soul rest in peace. My thoughts are with you and the family.

Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t read to the end.
if mumsnet could please delete my post.

@Ankleblisters I am so sorry for your loss. You had such a lovely, loving and kind relationship with each other. A handhold for when you need it and many unMumsNet {{HUGS}}

@Ankleblisters I am so deeply moved by your posts. You sound like an absolutely amazing person.
May your memories of happier times being you and your family comfort. 💐

So sorry for your loss. You sound like a devoted daughter. It’s hard to get those images from your mind at first, I lost a friend recently and it’s only 6wks down the line i’m forgetting those images and remembering the wonderful person she was. May your lovely mum RIP. Take care of yourself OP x

Deeply sorry OP sending love to you and your dad. I hope that profound love and happy memories will always remain close to your heart.

Gosh, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you take time to heal and remember all the good times you had with your lovely mum. Terribly sad for you OP 🌷

Lots of love to you all.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💜

So sorry, OP. Take care of yourself.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. Please take all the time you need away from work (go sick), as it sounds like you’ve had a traumatic 24hrs. Thinking of you x

So sorry for your loss. Your love for your dear mum shines through every post. 💐

@Ankleblisters she knew she was loved and cared for. You couldn't have done more for her. Take good care ❤️

Losing a parent is brutal. Sending love x

God bless you OP. I’ve been in the same position even down to my mum not waking up - in her case it was undiagnosed heart failure and she slept more and more. In hindsight I wish I’d just let her sleep away safely at my house rather than being in and out of hospital. You sound like a magnificent daughter and I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she felt loved and safe with you and that’s the biggest thing we can do for our parents when they really need us at the end x

It's obvious why it's in her best interests, and if you had a little think why before posting that question, it would be less distressing for @Ankleblisters .
Dementia, especially late-stage rare dementia such as frontal-lobe or Lewy Body is challenging. Caring for those with the condition is so hard physically and emotionally. You're constantly trying to second guess if you're making the right choices for them, asking yourself what would they do if they were compus mentis, trying to reassure them when they are scared because they are becoming lost to themselves, friends and family.
You want the end, but you don't want the end because every moment is precious; you want them to be better, but you know the trajectory is only down and you don't want them to suffer any more.
So if they are clinically well, with no crteria for admission, you let you loved one sleep because it's part of the deterioration and acceleration of the disease.
Being in a noisy, smelly, chaotic environment with nurses who don't give a shit is crueller than letting someone sleep peacefully at home.
I do hope you are never in this position, or that if you are, people are less judgemental

sounds like she has hypoactive delirium. Time for ambulance I think.

It sounds like there was an abundance of love between you and your mum, which will be a massive source of strength for you @Ankleblisters

so sad for your loss, do take care of yourself. ❤️

Very sorry for your loss. You did so amazingly well looking after her at the end of her life, so many people aren’t so lucky. She clearly appreciated the car you gave her.

I am so very sorry. 💐