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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Original poster

She won't wake up

183 replies

Ankleblisters · 08/04/2025 13:51

My mum, who is 71 and has late stage fronto-temporal dementia, has been asleep basically since Friday. Called 111 on Saturday late afternoon and they took her to A+E. We (she and I) were there for 10 hours and they couldn't find anything wrong except that she has an infection they can't identify (tests showed it was not a UTI or COVID). They released her with strong antibiotics but nothing has changed.

I live with and care for her full time but I am looking after her alone all this week because my father is away for work. This is also my absolute busiest time for work (luckily I WFH but I have clients coming here) and I'm exhausted with work and worry and failing to catch up on sleep after being in A+E with her all night on Saturday.

Trying to feed, hydrate and take her to the loo is incredibly hard because she is unwakeable and incredibly shaky and wobbly on her feet. She's been sleepy before when she's been under the weather but it's passed quickly and isn't this profound.

I'm really worried. I'm going to see if the GP practice will send us someone to come to the house. I can't think of anything else, I can't put her through the ordeal of A+E again.

I just need a handhold really. It feels like a horrible responsibility and juggling act.

OP posts:
mintydoggyv · 05/05/2025 22:50

I was so sorry to hear your very sad news .You are a great person and have done a wonderful job you have nothing to regret,but only the loss of a wonderfull mum . There is a journey ahead with your mum in your heart you can do this as you are a great person . Fresh air helps and talking as well like my she is still here in a way . I have started counselling that help s my prayers are with you and familly God be with you .Ken

Christwosheds · 05/05/2025 22:58

I am so very sorry OP. You clearly adored each other and she must have been a wonderful Mum to have such an amazing daughter. 71 is not very elderly, such a brutal disease. Your Mum was surrounded by love at the end of her life, I hope that will be a huge comfort over time.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 05/05/2025 23:02

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for how you found her, that must have been traumatic for you. Your love for her shines out of your posts and it sounds like you did a wonderful job caring for her and doing everything you could to make the end of her life comfortable and happy. Sending love to you and your family.

Smallinthesmoke · 05/05/2025 23:05

It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter to her. My condolences on your loss.

AnonMJ · 05/05/2025 23:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 05/05/2025 23:17

Sending my condolences too, OP. She died at home surrounded by love - that’s how most people want to go and it sounds like with your hard work and loving care you and your family helped her to get the end she would have wanted. It’s really hard but you gave her a great gift and I hope that brings you some comfort.

AmusedGoose · 05/05/2025 23:31

This is not that unusual at late stage. Please don't keep dragging her to hospital etc. It is natural as her body shuts down. You should be considering a care home now where they have the experience to deal with this and you can sit with her in peace, not worrying about practical things.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/05/2025 23:44

AmusedGoose · 05/05/2025 23:31

This is not that unusual at late stage. Please don't keep dragging her to hospital etc. It is natural as her body shuts down. You should be considering a care home now where they have the experience to deal with this and you can sit with her in peace, not worrying about practical things.

Please read updates on posts. You can click see all. There’s a pretty important update here.

Adviceneeded098 · 05/05/2025 23:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love to you and your family x

Hoydenish · 05/05/2025 23:49

Ankleblisters I too am sending my deepest condolences.

joliefolle · 05/05/2025 23:49

So glad you got some good times in at the end that you will remember forever. When the shock and adrenaline have finally settled, please do make sure you get some support for processing everything you have been through. You did yourself and your parents proud.

RinkyDinkDrink · 05/05/2025 23:50

Ankleblisters · 05/05/2025 22:33

She passed away yesterday morning. She was on great form for the last week or two. Bouts of sleepiness but we had some lovely days out. We think it was a massive seizure in her sleep. She never moved at night, we would put her to bed and when we got her up in the morning she'd be in the same exact position. Yesterday when we got her up she was face down on the floor next to the bed and when we turned her over it was immediately obvious she was dead. I can't get the image of it out of my brain.

I don't know how we're going to cope without her - she was the cornerstone of everything. 💔

But I know I am lucky to have been so profoundly loved and to have been given someone to love so profoundly in return.

I’m so sorry about your mum, she must have known how loved she was.

PorcupinesAreSpiky · 05/05/2025 23:50

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

Namenamchange · 05/05/2025 23:54

I’m so very sorry for your loss x

Nomorecoconutboosts · 05/05/2025 23:57

Your love and respect for your mum shines through all your posts. I am so sorry for your loss.

outofthewest · 05/05/2025 23:58

I'm so, so sorry. You were a wonderful daughter to care for her so well. It is a gift to be so loved.

Grief is a hard journey, but with time the pain will get less and less. Please take care of yourself.

Mmmnotsure · 06/05/2025 00:07

I am so sorry.

Hopefully the image you have in your mind of finding her will fade, and be replaced by the image of her as she was in your life.

When my father died, one of the nurses said that the final gift a parent could give to their child was a good end. That's not in anyone's control, of course, but in some ways you made this end together, you and your mother, in all the looking after of her that you did, the decisions that you took on her behalf, and the obvious love between the two of you.

Take care, be kind to yourself, and treasure the fact that you and your mother had each other in the way that you did.

IdaPrentice · 06/05/2025 00:15

Bless you, I am so sorry for your loss

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/05/2025 00:20

I am so sorry to read your sad news.
Did your sister manage to get home with Dad ?

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/05/2025 00:27

I am so sorry. You mothers last days sound like my grandmothers. She went to sleep, woke up occasionally to smile and say hello and then slept to her end.

I often think of her and think that if I could choose my ending, it would be like that. She knew she was loved to the end, and your mum did too xx

ChillWith · 06/05/2025 00:29

So sorry. Sending love and a very big hug x

VivX · 06/05/2025 00:35

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like there was a lot of love between you. I hope that it gives you some comfort knowing that you did the very best you could xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2025 00:39

I’m so sorry for your loss. You have had a lifetime of love together, which is truly special. She’s at peace now and you were a much loved daughter. Xx

Fraaances · 06/05/2025 00:42

So sorry for your loss @Ankleblisters. I know how exhausting and lonely caring is and your mum couldn’t have been in better hands. You are obviously a loving, compassionate soul and you’ve been doing it alone. I hope you have real life support and people YOU can lean on. You really need a hug.

mathanxiety · 06/05/2025 01:28

How lovely for her that her last days were spent with a daughter who loved her so dearly, in her own familiar place.

I hope you can find solace in the fact that you did your absolute best and that she was comfortable.

So.sorry for your loss.