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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Original poster

Waiting for it all to end..

37 replies

Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 10:17

I'm so very very torn..
Wanting my darling Mum's awful existence to end... but feeling so guilty about feeling this..
Wanting my Mum to die...

She's had Alzheimer's for about 5 yrs now..
Rapid deterioration in the last month's..
Palliative care only now and I'm reporting every moan and groan so she can have morphine..
I promised her I would do everything in my power to help her go with dignity..
I've bought yellow roses, going to give her a manicure and spray on some Chanel 5 so she's ready to meet my Dad again..(he died 18 mths ago).
Rambling now.. crying and so so sad..

OP posts:
Original poster
Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 10:23

She got stomach cancer diagnosed last month too..

OP posts:
coronafiona · 07/12/2024 10:29

I'm so sorry about your mum. Wanting a loved one to be free of pain and indignity does not make you a bad person, it means you love them. It sounds like you are taking good care of her in every way you can. Done feel guilty about that x

coronafiona · 07/12/2024 10:29

*dont

Original poster
Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 13:42

Since my post she's rallied! Just eaten her lunch with relish...
But she's so agitated and constantly grabbing at me.. closing her eyes and when I think she's finally going to sleep she'll start with the agitation again.. I'm exhausted..

OP posts:
WhoPutTheBomp · 07/12/2024 13:44

I'm so sorry.

Are you caring for her at home, do you have nurses in to take over shifts to let you rest?

Original poster
Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 13:52

WhoPutTheBomp · 07/12/2024 13:44

I'm so sorry.

Are you caring for her at home, do you have nurses in to take over shifts to let you rest?

Sorry.. I should have said she's in a care home.. I live 5hrs away and have siblings.. they are having a break whilst I'm here .. I'm sitting with her..
Truly thought it was the end yesterday..

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2024 13:54

I'm so sorry, that sounds so tough for you both. It sounds like she might be having terminal agitation, have you talked to her palliative team about it? There are drugs that can be given so that she can sleep and be peaceful

SeaToSki · 07/12/2024 13:54

Ask for some medicine to help with her agitation. Its a different category to pain meds and can reallyhelp

Original poster
Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 16:08

Thank you everyone..The care home gave her some Lorazepam .. she's a bit more settled but still agitated..DN coming soon...

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2024 19:50

I hope the DN was able to help your DM be more settled. When my mum was at the end of her life in a care home, the GP prescribed a 'just in case' drug pack to provide on site medication for pain, agitation, excess secretions in her chest etc so that the nurse could give them immediatly if needed rather than a prescription having to be written, dispensed and so on. Might be worth asking about.
Sending you strength and thoughts tonight

Bannedontherun · 07/12/2024 20:03

So sorry my, family have all this horror to come. Mil went in to a care home 2 days ago as mental health took a nose dive, no longer safe at home.

i wish something else would get her but that may be unpleasant too. Death always is unless they fall down dead from a heart attack or something equally swift.

Sorry again you are there with her peace will eventually come.

WearsBlackEatsChocolateAvoidsPeople · 08/12/2024 13:36

I really feel for you, it's hell isn't it.
My dear mum is 6 years into her Alzheimer's journey and was diagnosed with breast cancer this year.

It's a painful journey.

Original poster
Marylou62 · 09/12/2024 14:35

Thank you everyone.. I've had to come back.. I can't sit just watching..it could be weeks..
A syringe driver is being put in today..
She's been having midazolam and morphine injections for the last 2 days.. because she's been agitated and sometimes wide eyed with fear ..
She's loving the hand holding.. she actually said 'I love you ' clear as day yesterday..
She's only been babbling for years now...
I wish I was there with her but hopefully I can go back on Thursday early...

OP posts:
Original poster
Marylou62 · 09/12/2024 16:31

Reading that back it sounds awful..I meant come back to go to work..

OP posts:
WhoPutTheBomp · 09/12/2024 19:38

No it doesn't sound awful. We understand.

Original poster
Marylou62 · 11/12/2024 12:32

I'm back with Mum after my boss sent me home . I'm here till her end now..
She's had no fluids for 2 days now and her morphine and midazolam have been increased .
Just a waiting game now. X

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/12/2024 12:33

You don't have to feel guilty about this. It certainly doesn't sound awful. You sound like a very caring person.

Original poster
Marylou62 · 11/12/2024 13:06

Viviennemary · 11/12/2024 12:33

You don't have to feel guilty about this. It certainly doesn't sound awful. You sound like a very caring person.

Thank you...I promised her I would look after her..

OP posts:
DPotter · 11/12/2024 13:15

Oh Marylou - the waiting can be so hard, so please be gentle with yourself. can anyone come over and sit with you too ? Remember to eat a little and drink. take a walk around the ward every now and again to stretch your legs.

Just to let you know - it's often the case that the dying person almost seems to wait until their loved ones leave the room before they take their last breath. Not 100% of the time - but often enough to be observed as a thing. If this happens you must not berate yourself. This would be your Mum deciding this, even in her dementia.

My best wishes for you

WhoPutTheBomp · 11/12/2024 13:17

And you are looking after her by making sure she is in a safe place with all the right people around to help.

Big hug.

Original poster
Marylou62 · 12/12/2024 15:12

WhoPutTheBomp · 11/12/2024 13:17

And you are looking after her by making sure she is in a safe place with all the right people around to help.

Big hug.

She's in a care home.. they are looking after me very well and bringing me food..!

OP posts:
Original poster
Marylou62 · 12/12/2024 15:14

Mum is comfortable.. still has warm hands/feet and nicely pink...
My DMIL waited until my DH left before she died...
My pregnant DD is driving up today to see her grandma...

OP posts:
WhoPutTheBomp · 12/12/2024 15:56

More gentle arms squeezes for you.

oakleaffy · 12/12/2024 16:01

Marylou62 · 07/12/2024 13:42

Since my post she's rallied! Just eaten her lunch with relish...
But she's so agitated and constantly grabbing at me.. closing her eyes and when I think she's finally going to sleep she'll start with the agitation again.. I'm exhausted..

Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone you want to hasten her death.
You could be done for murder.

Get a kindly nurse or GP to administer appropriate sedation and painkillers.

Your poor Mum.

I hope she passes soon, for her sake . 🙏

Baxterbaxter · 12/12/2024 16:03

Sending you love @Marylou62. You sound a wonderful, caring daughter and your mum (and dad) must be so proud of you x