Social services stopping my dad going into a care home

[alittlepieceofme]

Hi, for a bit of background, my dad has vascular dementia and I think he is progressing to the end stages. I wanted him to go to a nursing home, as this way I know he is safe and being looked after. However, social services disagree! Their reasoning that they are giving is that my dad can make a sandwich and therefore he is able to feed himself, they are concerned that my dad doesn't fully understand what being in a nursing home will be like, they feel he has the capacity to make the decision not to even though my dad thought it was a good idea! Social services feel that my dad should have carers call in to make sure he's taken his medication in the morning and to check on him in the evening! I think this is ridiculous as my dad has started to wet himself, is starting to struggle to put words together, is now very unsure on his feet and had a bad fall on Friday.
I'm the only family member that my dad has but I work full time, I have been taking the odd day off when he needs me.
My dad has refused to have any home help until now! If he did go into a nursing home then my dad would be paying the fees as he has the means to do so.
My dad literally doesn't know what day it is and will often turn up at my house when I'm in work. I'm lucky that I have good neighbours who will let me know and will take him in to their homes until I get home!
I hope my post makes sense!

If they feel he has capacity and he is paying social services can’t stop him moving, unless you have made a typo?

If he's paying the bills then the decision is really not up to social services. It's a progressive condition, so he's not going to gain independence by minimising his care. If he's agreeing to move, start looking at homes and pick a nice one that's near enough for you to visit.

If you feel that he no longer has capacity, then assuming you have sorted LPA, then he needs a memory assessment

Anyone can move into a care home if they have the money to pay for it - it would cost over £4000 a month though.
Social Services are saying that they will not put him in a care home and fund him as he doesn’t yet meet the threshold. He needs to have carers supporting him at home initially, and an assessment by a clinician to determine if he has capacity or not.
How come social services have become involved?

If he wants to move I’m not really sure what the problem is. I know in my line of work (Medicine of The Elderly) the hope is to always go with the least restrictive option - normally people wouldn’t go straight from home with no care/ equipment to a nursing home. Is there a reason that care at home isn’t an option? Is he definitely not saying it’s a good idea to you and saying he doesn’t want to go to them?

I would disagree that people with dementia don’t benefit from being at home, usually people are better if they can be kept safely in a familiar environment instead of moving to a completely new place. A move can actually make a person more confused.
I’m sorry you’re all going through this OP, it must be horrendously stressful. And I promise I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate, just trying to give some insight into the processes that might be going on.

My dad would be funding his care, they said that there is protocol that they must follow, carers in his home first and if that doesn't work then a care home. But from knowing my dad I can see how much the dementia has progressed.
I'm so worried that something is going to happen to him as he goes out most days but does always return home.
Social services became involved as I was at the end of my tether trying to manage work, my little boy (single mum) and my dad. No other services were helping me and someone suggested social services. I also lost my sister last year to cancer and I'm still trying to deal with her death plus be there for my nephew and niece who are 12 and 9.
I also suffer with anxiety and I'm clenching my jaw constantly and feel I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack.
I'm going to phone social services tomorrow and ask for someone to formally assess my dad's capacity.

Thank you for your reply and I agree that my dad would be better in his own home and I feel I've left him there as long as I can.

Don't understand why social services are involved at all? If your Dad thinks it's a good idea and isn't looking for state funding then ... it's up to him! Start asking around for recommendations for nice care homes with good dementia care. He probably won't need a nursing home yet from what you've told us.

Thank you for your reply, social services made it sound like that I couldn't go ahead! I'll ask if they can actually stop me and my dad from going ahead when I phone them tomorrow. I've actually found a nice one near me!

If your dad is funding the care it’s nothing to do with social services.

Do you have LPA for medical and financial decisions for your dad? If so I would find a suitable home where he’ll be well cared for and arrange for him to move.

They can’t stop you if your dad is funding the care, tbh I wouldn’t even call them you don’t need their permission. Just make the arrangements with the home.

I'm calling it social services but their correct title is common access point for health and social care.
I don't know if that makes a difference?!

I have financial power of attorney for my dad

You’re not asking them to fund this care, what they think doesn’t matter. It sounds like this has got confused and they think you’re asking for the local authority to cover the fees, that’s the only reason they’d have a say.

Of course they can't stop your dad making a private arrangement to pay a care home!

Just ask the care hone you found to do an assessment.
If he is self funding you don't need ss permission.

I think SS are overstepping here. If your dad and you are both happy for him to go into a care home and it will be self funding then I don’t see how they can stop it. Just do it.
FWIW, I have been in the similar situation with my mum (although not with SS involved). Home visit carers can only help so much eg helping with meals, dressing etc but it’s what the dementia sufferer does when the carers are not there that is where the biggest risk is. Falls, wandering off, causing fire hazards, ringing the me emergency services to report a kidnapping were all things my mum did between care visits. I also worked and had two young children, the stress was unbearable and my mum was miserable and confused. I moved her into the care home and it provided safety and stability.

he should still be able to access certain things like continence supplies thru nhs regardless of where he lives

OP “I'm going to phone social services tomorrow and ask for someone to formally assess my dad's capacity.”

why? If he wants to go to a home and is paying, you don’t need to involve them. The home you/he chooses will do their own assessment.

If he's paying he can book himself in but if his savings drop below the self fund threshold they have no obligation to take over the payments if they do not believe he needs full nursing care. There's interim levels of support, have you looked at them?

This, if he.has capacity and is paying, it's no different from booking into a hotel and paying for their services.

They've asked me to fill in a financial assessment form, which I'll be doing but my dad has savings and owns his home so he'll be able to cover his costs for the foreseeable. SS did make me believe that I couldn't go ahead and do this as they didn't feel my dad needed it!

We had a very similar situation with social services re my late mother in law. We came away feeling stressed and overwhelmed. However we spoke to a really nice care home and they helped us a lot. My mil didn’t want to go into a home, she said she wanted to be at home. But she regularly said she wanted to go home when she was at home, and frequently wandered off trying to “go home”. The people from the home helped convince her to move in with them as a trial. She stayed there, being well looked after, for seven years. She’d never have lasted that long at home.

They will have just meant from their funding criteria.

Start using phrases like
Lack of Dignity ( incontinence)
Safeguard concerns
Danger to himself
Fall concerns
Give examples of confusion
Say the support you can give him is minimimsl

At the very least they should be giving you names on suitable homes ( to match his needs) for him to pay

But usually yes assessment and support for the process would be best for the longer term

Do you have power of attorney for health and well as wealth?