Social services stopping my dad going into a care home

[alittlepieceofme]

Hi, for a bit of background, my dad has vascular dementia and I think he is progressing to the end stages. I wanted him to go to a nursing home, as this way I know he is safe and being looked after. However, social services disagree! Their reasoning that they are giving is that my dad can make a sandwich and therefore he is able to feed himself, they are concerned that my dad doesn't fully understand what being in a nursing home will be like, they feel he has the capacity to make the decision not to even though my dad thought it was a good idea! Social services feel that my dad should have carers call in to make sure he's taken his medication in the morning and to check on him in the evening! I think this is ridiculous as my dad has started to wet himself, is starting to struggle to put words together, is now very unsure on his feet and had a bad fall on Friday.
I'm the only family member that my dad has but I work full time, I have been taking the odd day off when he needs me.
My dad has refused to have any home help until now! If he did go into a nursing home then my dad would be paying the fees as he has the means to do so.
My dad literally doesn't know what day it is and will often turn up at my house when I'm in work. I'm lucky that I have good neighbours who will let me know and will take him in to their homes until I get home!
I hope my post makes sense!

If your Dad can afford to fully fund it (budget for £1500 - £200 per week), he can move into one tomorrow if he wants to, you just have to find it and make the arrangements.

If you want to check his capacity, it may be better to ask his GP.

Can he fund his own care straight away? Or only when he sells his home. If it’s only via his property then you can get 12 weeks property disregard or basically the 12 weeks paid for by them if they agree he needs a care home.
If you’re not asking for that at all then crack on. They can advise but it’s his decision (if he has capacity) or your decision as LPA if he doesn’t.
sometimes social care workers can get confused as they’ve been asked about care and they go through their normal process when all you probably needed is a bit of advice about the options and how the system works.
Obviously if they felt that he was being coerced or forced to move against his wishes/best interests then they would intervene on the basis of safeguarding but otherwise no just crack on.
(this assumes you’re in England or Wales)

Phone the home. If they have a room and he has the means to fund it he can be in as quickly as the paperwork is sorted. My husband did this with his father. It's absolutely nothing to do with SS.

Thank you for all the replies, i feel I've been totally confused about the whole thing and I obviously only want the best for my dad! He can start funding straight away without selling his home luckily!
Just to reassure anyone, I'm not going to be forcing my dad into anything! I want him to be happy and as involved as he can be with all decisions!

they feel he has the capacity to make the decision not to even though my dad thought it was a good idea!

This bit doesn't make sense. He might have the capacity to make the decision not to (although I think only doctors can make decisions on capacity; it's not based on the feelings of social services) but your father apparently thinks going into a home is a good idea and can fund it.
Either you or social services are misunderstanding the situation.
Hope it gets sorted to your father's and your satisfaction.

Maybe find out if the home provides short term respite care to see if your dad likes the home setting. Good luck x

Social services are likely to answer everything from the point of view that they may be asked to cover the cost. As others have said, you can just go ahead privately but I would also consider a few things:

• Do the calculations about how much money your dad has, both in liquid forms like bank or savings accounts and in terms of assets like his house. He'll need enough liquidity to pay for a few months at least

• Work out roughly how long this will pay for him to be in the care home of his choice. It's a bit morbid but if the money runs out before he dies, then you're back to asking social services to cover it. In theory they can then insist he moves to a cheaper home. I would take my chances with that as there are instances of family arguing that it would be detrimental to move parent who has been in their setting for years. However, be aware of whether this might become an issue.

• Look at the care home as, ideally, a place that can meet his immediate needs but could also do that further on. If it's a home that caters for early dementia patients, but not so much for more severely affected ones, then you could be faced with moving him later as he deteriorates. Being near you is a definite plus though as it's easier to pop in for visits little and often.

Ignore social services, it's nothing to do with them.

From what you describe, your dad has care needs but not nursing needs. Nursing homes are considerably more expensive than non-nursing residential care.

However, as dementia is progressive and a move can be disruptive I'd look for somewhere that can deal with full dementia care even if he doesn't need it yet. A lot of homes have a dementia section and a 'general' section, and a significant portion of residents in the general section will have mild or moderate dementia.

Make a shortlist of homes. Contact them to check they can deal with his current and likely future needs. Visit and find one he likes. Leave social services out of it.

Sounds like some miscommunication op.
Of course he can move to a home without anyone’s approval if he can pay himself.
Make sure he/you have looked at the costs. My Grandma spent 6k a month during her time in a dementia nursing home.. not cheap! x

My gran had vascular dementia and for some reason social work said she would be fine at home. She wasn't.

Listen to your gut op, social work can't stop your dad moving into a care home, especially as he is paying for his place.

I agree with seeing if your DF will move in for a holiday/trial period. It will give you both the opportunity to see if the home is the right environment for him.

Before he moves, I'd label everything including slippers, shoes, chargers and devices.

We put a few familiar photos and items in DMILs room before she arrived to make it feel more familiar.