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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

Dialogues I never have with DW

47 replies

UrbanDad · 08/03/2010 16:40

They only happen in my head and they start something like:

Why do you ALWAYS ask me to do something while I am in the middle of concentrating on something else and instead of reminding me when I finish, have a go at me for forgetting/not listening?

I AM listening to you, but could you please summarise rather than giving me a verbatim account as I tend to lose the thread of what you are trying to tell me.

No, it's not the wrong way, it's just MY way of bathing/dressing/praising/reprimanding/encouraging/playing with our DCs and it's different from yours, OK?

You do indeed look ravishing in that item of clothing, but are there not some equally nice items in New Look and (ahem) sub-prime retailers where you are not paying three times the cost for the label?

OP posts:

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RuthChan · 08/03/2010 19:04

I think my DH would agree with you. (I tried to read your post to him, but he didn't have enough brain power to listen!)

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Kevlarhead · 09/03/2010 20:02

"While I believe that comment was unwarranted and hurtful, as were most of the comments you've aimed at me this evening, I am going to bite my tongue and resist the urge to verbally retaliate, although I can think of several appropriate things to say. I am doing this because you'll be mainlining Feminax in three days time and this is just a hormonal squall, which will blow over soon"

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UrbanDad · 15/03/2010 13:43

KH has hit it metaphorically on the head. Why rock the boat when you're trying to sail it?

God forbid I should EVER mention cycles (unless it's one with chains and a bell).

OP posts:

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ABetaDad · 15/03/2010 14:00

Not sure this fits here but there are times when I just dont know what to say as per the following example.

DW came into our office at home about a week ago. She had been sorting her wardrobes and she was looking downcast saying that she had something terrible to confess. I looked up and said what? .

She paused for a moment then said 'I have too may dresses, its just ridiculous'. I immediately comforted her by saying that she looked lovely in them and I really like her wearing them. She paused again and then said 'No, it is ridiculous and its all your fault for making me buy them'.

I mean what am I supposed to say to that?!

I didn't make her buy anything and besides it isn't possible for a woman to have too many clothes, shoes, handbags is it?

Is there a subtext that my male brain has missed? Anyone care to explain?

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DorotheaPlenticlew · 15/03/2010 14:06

No subtext that I can see (woman here). Daft thing to say.

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sausagepastie · 15/03/2010 14:06

I can solve all of this if you like.

You need to write it down when she tells you/asks you. She may not have time to wait until you are otherwise unoccupied, before mentioning something important.

Or ask her to write it down!

2. There are no alternative 'right' ways, her way is the only way. (didn't you know that?)

3. No, New Look is a false economy. Their stuff is cheap but it lasts about 5 minutes and you feel stupid buying it because the people in there are all teenagers, even the manager is about 13.
I could buy 7 new look t shirts or one from Jack wills, the jack wills one will still be in my wardrobe (ok on the floor,) in 5 years, the new look ones will be in the under sink cupboard being used for polishing.

I have to go out now but will be back later HTH, genuinely!

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ABetaDad · 15/03/2010 14:26

Dorothea - so, if I understand you correctly, if my DW comes to me in future and says 'I have too many dresses' the wrong response is for me to either:

a) agree with her;
b) disagree with her;
c) ignore her;
d) tell her to stop buying clothes; or
e) suggest she throws some away.

Does not leave me many options.

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DorotheaPlenticlew · 15/03/2010 14:52

No, I meant it was a daft thing for her to say. Sorry if not clear.

No offense meant to your DW, but I am not personally keen on the "pouting, girlish unreasonableness" approach to dealing with one's DP/DH. Also feel it is perfectly possible, indeed common, for women to have too many dresses or whatever; on the other hand, my DP has too many shirts ...

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DorotheaPlenticlew · 15/03/2010 14:55

And I have far too many essentially identical shades of expensive lipstick; but I blame only myself.

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ABetaDad · 15/03/2010 15:27

I think she partly feels guilty that she can buy things she likes but I don't want for many things for myself. I am very very lucky to have her as my DW .... and that she has only one shade of lipstick.

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DorotheaPlenticlew · 15/03/2010 15:46

Oh well that's ok then!

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Jux · 15/03/2010 16:07

Fall on your knees, beg forgiveness for your controlling nature in making her buy dresses and then find out what her problem really is? Take it to it's logical conclusion, thus showing in humerous manner how ridiculous it is.

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Jux · 15/03/2010 16:08

humourous

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msrisotto · 15/03/2010 16:11

She paused for a moment then said 'I have too may dresses, its just ridiculous'. I immediately comforted her by saying that she looked lovely in them and I really like her wearing them. She paused again and then said 'No, it is ridiculous and its all your fault for making me buy them'.

I mean what am I supposed to say to that?!

Buy her a dress to apologise and make her feel better?

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sausagepastie · 15/03/2010 17:44

I would concur, a new dress is most definitely the way to go.

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myfirstbump · 15/03/2010 17:55

OP - are you my DH???

I fear I may be guilty of all of the above.

Apart from confessing to having too many clothes. I would just quietly put them in a charity bag and hope DH doesn't notice that I'm buying replacements...

Or better yet, whine that IhaveNOTHINGtowear and hope DH takes pity.

OR better still, tell him it's his fault for buying me so many clothes and hope he buys me new stuff out of guilt! MsRisotto, a cunning plan

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mustrunmore · 15/03/2010 18:08

My answers would be:

Because you're either in the middle of something or asleep. There is no time set aside for interaction between us. I know its because you're knackered from work, but its still hard.

2. If I summarise, it misses many vital elements of the tale, which are necessary to illustrate that what I'm saying it worthy of being said.

3. I know its your way, and thats fine, but it does tend to portary two sets of rules for the kids, and give me more work in the long run.

4. Yes, and you know I always save money where ever possible, and 90% of my clothes come from the charity shop. If I sometimes buy the odd expensive thing, its because I've carefully considered and know it will last for years. and I've taken the money from my ISA not from housekeeping money.

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posieparkerfuckityfuck · 15/03/2010 18:10

Purlease, write a manual for my DH, he says most of what you are thinking...except he uses three sentences to express two words!

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Kevlarhead · 15/03/2010 22:41

"1. You need to write it down when she tells you/asks you."

I get enough grief simply for saying "But last time we had this conversation, six months ago, you said..."

I'd be sleeping on the couch if I carried around a detailed file of her utterances, and pulled them out at the appropriate times, with words "Ah, you say that now, but when we last talked about this on the 15th November 2009, at 2:30 you said..."

That and my fragile male ego couldn't cope with being an anally retentive bellend...

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zazen · 17/03/2010 16:59

Beta, she bought them for you! Just as well she hasn't got two lipsticks - who knows what else she'd have to surprise you!

Urabn, Who has time to wait until a guy has finished something before speaking! would multitasking be impossible for you - or get a notebook and take a memo for yourself whenever you have a minute.

Hear hear on New look and all that sweat shop crap. Only lasts as long as the first wash.

Doing thigs consistently is key - otherwise there is more work for the main carer. I agree, mustrunmore, there is a right way to do things, it's best to do things the was the main carer does them - unless it's imaginative play or somesuch.

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mathanxiety · 06/07/2010 05:10

Do you seriously expect your DW to carefully watch for some magical moment when you're not thinking about something else (read your mind in other words) -- what you really want is to do exactly what you want when you want and take as long as you want and for her to wait for your permission to speak.

And "Why do you ALWAYS/ NEVER..." is appalling form for communication. What you're saying is SHUTUP. And it's an accusation.

2. You're telling your DW she uses too many words. So not only must she wait until you're good and ready before she pipes up, she'd better make it short and to the point, because the sound of the voice of the woman you love is grating to your ears now.

3. Yes it is the wrong way. She has put considerable time and thought into developing her way of doing things with the DCs or whatever it is that you are now mucking up. Don't disparage it by reinventing that particular wheel. She does things a certain way for good reasons. Respect them and respect her experience and her capacity to think things through.

4. No, you're not paying for the 'label'. You clearly think you know a heckuva lot about pretty much everything your DW does and you seem pretty sure you can do pretty much everything a lot better than she does.

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MissWooWoo · 28/07/2010 15:45

jeeeeeeeeeeesus, lighten up ladies! where is your sense of humour?

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JudyPink · 01/09/2010 23:22

This made me LOL so badly

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LostVagueness · 08/09/2010 23:51

Ha ha ha. In to Dadsnet they come with their 'Oh my god...you're men...thinking mens thoughts....Does not compute....You're all bastards.

This thread is priceless. Of course, all us men who express our opinions/lack of understanding of our loved ones need telling we are evil bastards. That'll solve all our problems.

Mathanxiety: Are you for real? Or maybe you just read a list of your worst habits eh?

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DetectivePotato · 14/09/2010 19:42

I would really like to know what our men want to say to us but don't. My DH says nothing but huffs away in silence.

And you can never have too many dresses. How ridiculous is that. She is clearly not a woman at all.

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