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How do you know if you live in a crap area?

84 replies

UrbanDad · 10/11/2008 18:00

I live in an OK area between two shit areas (that's how UK cities are invariably set up), but it is important to know which you are in. I have some thoughts on this and believe the indentifying factors are:
a proliferation of betting shops,
mums pushing pushchairs and wearing school uniforms,
despite a pervasive air of poverty, the mums appear to have unlimited access to foods high in sugar, fat and refined carbohydrates,
the shops have shutters and close early, but the Solicitors are open 24-7,
the playgrounds always have teenagers loitering around trying, despite the laughable incongruity of it all, to look tough and streetwise,
in the newspaper shop, every paper is a red-top,
you can identify less than half a dozen of the fruits outside the greengrocer's shop,
takeaways which look like downmarket KFC,
lots of people wearing conspicuously new and shiny clothes using new and shiny mobile phones (why is it no mattter how poor people are they can always afford shiny new pay as you go phones?), repeating the matra "call me back, I'm running out of credit"
cars with blacked-out windows and body-kits which suggest that the owners were not permitted to play with meccano or technical lego and get it out of their system at an early age,
dog poo everywhere (not sure why this is, but maybe cleaning up after your dog is a middle-class thing).

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 22:22

jeez UrbanDad, do you live round the corner from me?

UnquietDad · 10/11/2008 22:26

Crap areas always seem to be full of beauty salons, tanning booths and nail parlours. I'm not sure if these are a comment on the pulchritude of the local womenfolk or the opposite...

LynetteScavo · 10/11/2008 22:30

I'm glad to hear greengrocers in crap areas sell a wide variety of fruit!

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 22:52

I presume that even the most generic of fruit would be mis-identified by the masses in certain areas, let alone the wide variety on offer.

LittleWhizzingBella · 10/11/2008 22:55

tbh not being able to identify half a dozen of the fruits outside the greengrocer's sounds like a good thing to me.

Unless the reason you can't identify them is the mould...

electra · 10/11/2008 22:57

solicitors open 24-7, seriously????

Heated · 10/11/2008 23:00

when the nurse at the gp surgery spends most of her time suturing

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 23:07

When even the taxi rank closes early

SafariJunkie · 10/11/2008 23:09

No tanning booths here, but a wide variety of evangelical churches with branches in Accra and Lagos. I also reckon a branch of Peacocks is a dead giveaway.

DaDaDa · 10/11/2008 23:11

Blimey, what a bunch of snobs.

I'm off to get some fried chicken from the high st.

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 23:16

get us a six pack bottle of bollinger while you are there. oh' and some fruit.

SafariJunkie · 10/11/2008 23:17

Who's being snobby? At least the poverty draws immigrant communities, without whom there'd be no vegetables for miles!

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 23:18

You can't grow veg in your pot on the veranda of your premisis then? in these poverty stricken times..

blinks · 10/11/2008 23:20

oh yes poor people are thick, criminals and their dogs shit everywhere...

insightful.

thumbwitch · 10/11/2008 23:22

use this website to check your postcode - it'll tell you!

thumbwitch · 10/11/2008 23:25

disagree with the Peacocks thing - there's one of them in Wokingham and it isn't a crap area.

UnquietDad · 10/11/2008 23:28

UpMyStreet is unreliable and misleading to say the least...

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 23:31

Unquiet. would have to agree. The result for mine was ummm way out.

retiredgoth1 · 10/11/2008 23:36

.....try the Ocado website, and see if you can get a delivery.

I can't. There is a pop-up which says 'vulgar dormitory suburb' and issues a dismissive sniff.

Have been to see a house today, that I want. It passes the Ocado test.....

(dreamy wannabe sigh)

StubbleOnChin · 10/11/2008 23:41

Is that waitrose in disguise? I am hiding that link from DW!

solo · 10/11/2008 23:47

Judging by the description by UD, my area is OK

EachPeachPearMum · 11/11/2008 12:54

I was v worried when a branch of Peacocks opened on our high street a few weeks ago.... but 1 week later the McDs closed down
WHat does that say?

NotQuiteCockney · 11/11/2008 13:02

We have a wide range of KFC knock offs in our neighbourhood - Kenssy Fried Chicken, Tennessee Fried Chicken, etc etc.

Other signs:

  • shops selling very expensive children's clothes (dry clean only)
  • very strange 'house clearance' shops that don't sell anything useful.

We have about 7 billion estate agents. Not sure what that means.

sneekychanger · 11/11/2008 13:04

when you work with drug addicts [on benefits] who refuse a free house in your area [when you work damn hard]
because they wouldn;t live there.

UnquietDad · 11/11/2008 16:41

? Don't get the expensive children's clothes thing. Why are they in rough areas?