How do you know if you live in a crap area?

[UrbanDad]

I live in an OK area between two shit areas (that's how UK cities are invariably set up), but it is important to know which you are in. I have some thoughts on this and believe the indentifying factors are:
a proliferation of betting shops,
mums pushing pushchairs and wearing school uniforms,
despite a pervasive air of poverty, the mums appear to have unlimited access to foods high in sugar, fat and refined carbohydrates,
the shops have shutters and close early, but the Solicitors are open 24-7,
the playgrounds always have teenagers loitering around trying, despite the laughable incongruity of it all, to look tough and streetwise,
in the newspaper shop, every paper is a red-top,
you can identify less than half a dozen of the fruits outside the greengrocer's shop,
takeaways which look like downmarket KFC,
lots of people wearing conspicuously new and shiny clothes using new and shiny mobile phones (why is it no mattter how poor people are they can always afford shiny new pay as you go phones?), repeating the matra "call me back, I'm running out of credit"
cars with blacked-out windows and body-kits which suggest that the owners were not permitted to play with meccano or technical lego and get it out of their system at an early age,
dog poo everywhere (not sure why this is, but maybe cleaning up after your dog is a middle-class thing).

this thread is getting on my nerves.

sorry custy- whats up?

I grew up in a deprived area of London. There were off licences, pubs, bookies, 'amusement arcades', barber shops and cheapo clothing shops in abundance (the high number of betting shops / off licences in poor areas etc is actually a really serious issue...).

On a lighter note, we envied people with black faux-leather DFS sofas and laminate flooring. We all wore our hair in 'Kilburn facelift' ponytails. Everyone wore gold - and you were obviously a shite parent if you didn't have a 'No 1 Mum' pendant. McDonalds was the local toddler group. Most people were dog owners.

I don't live in an area where people take it up the arse.

And I say 'we' because I was one of them.... I embrace my crappy heritage. In fact, now that I am living in the Land of State vs private, Toyota Avensis-driving, Twatrose- shopping, no Haribos for my kids Suburbia, I bloody miss my old manor!

@MumtoJayden

In my old area, dodgy old blokes took it up the arse in the park after dark. In my new area, 'Yummy Mummies' take it up the arse after their Sunday croissant-and-Observer ritual. Swings and roundabouts.

Why does everything on mn come back to bumsex?

Cod once linked to a find your nearest dogging site. They are always in areas with a high number of faith schools.

And I think the dogging venues were often in Waitrose car parks. I suppose it's of some comfort to know you are dogging with the right sort of peoplel; people who can tell the difference between pancetta and thick sliced streaky bacon.

I can't stand bins being left out on the street. It makes an area look crap. And if the lady across the road at number 6 is reading this - TAKE YOUR BIN IN. It was emptied on Friday FFS.

I am finding this thread a teeny bit annoying too but LOL at dogging with the right people!

Our nearest town has a Peacocks BTW it's right next to Waitrose, Hobbs, Jaegar and The Aga Shop - so what does that say?

We don't have a Waitrose where I live. Or a Peacocks.

This type of postcode encompasses the most affluent people in the UK. They live in wealthy, high status suburban and semi-rural neighbourhoods, particularly in the Home Counties. Most are highly qualified professionals, senior executives and business owners, often in their 40s and 50s. Their dogs wipe their own arses, most often with Kleenex Quilted Wetties for Canine Botskis.

Is a Kilburn facelift different from a Croydon facelift? Or ar they the same thing?...

Eachpeach - my research has come from areas I have taught in, mainly. Worked for 5 years on one of the roughest estates in the country. However, I was told on here in no uncertain terms , by a poster I otherwise respect, disappointingly, that my opinion on it was worthless.

I think UpMyArse should update their categories.

Distance from Aga shop:
Their service van calls regularly
Walking distance
I thought they were too heavy to sell in shops
I don't even know what an Aga is

Last had a kebab on the way home from a night out:
Yesterday
Last Month
Last 3 Months
Certainly Not
I thought large donner was sleng for a black man's penis.

Relationship with Waitrose
I have their stuff delivered, courtesy of Ocado
I regularly go to their shops
I worked there before I became an actuary
I meet my dogging group in their car park.

yes, EPPM, Pan here - Antigone is a heroine of mine......But saw "W" the other night and one of Bush's inner sanctum was "brother George"..

taking it up the arse...er..is there another way??

I live in a semi rural area, it's fairly classy according to upmystreet however as with most areas it's a bit of a mix. This morning I was passed by a huge white bentley or jag (how would I know?)with the number plate HIS. I wouldn't mind having HERS

But, in order to get to civilisation, ie Motorways I have to drive through an area in which the majority of shop fronts are kebab, balti or some kind of take away house, the rest are boarded up/burnt out.

I have stopped at the Asda and Tesco on the way through and No I cannot buy an Observer nor can I buy garlic stuffed olives at the fresh counter and the selection of cheeses is pitiful. But I do quite like perusing the Polish and Asian aisles for different tastes.

What does it say about your area if you only have 4 channels and no freeview coverage?

ah, 4 channels and no freeview? That'll be the area called circa 1980.

Or a badly fitted aerial, (from your mates , best friend who does that on the side to make some extra cash), that is threatening to fall on the rest of the discerning lopers in the tranquil area outside your property called home.

Oh goodie, the eighties were such fun...

Stubble, I paid a six pack of carling good money for that aerial! The shyster!

Although 1980 is still the fag-end of the 70s really. Everything was still grey and brown and Odyssey were still in the charts.

The 70s were truly grim.

What?? 70's grim?? Starts with the Beatles, through prog rock, glam rock, American Soul, british funk, reggae, punk rock, new wave, Bowie, Queen etc etc etc??
Scotland at the World Cups that England fail to qualify for, Morcambe and Wise, US end their foray into Vietnam, Labour secure two election victories, George Best, clackers, the Queen's Silver Jubilee, fondue sets, all of that wonderful awful porn, MAry Hopkin, The Two Ronnies, blah de blah..

1980's. Neutral, bland non-event.

What? the 1980's.
Neil Diamond - The jazz singer
Wheels of Steel - Saxon...

ahhhhhh, who am i kidding!!!