How do you tell your partner that you don't like their sexual experiments?

[dontgothere]

Hi. My girlfriend has told me about this site, I'm not sure if she uses it much, i don't think so. But my problem is that she thinks I am into something that I'm not.

when we met I suggested we experiment a lot. She said she'd like to put things into my bottom. It was ok at first but now I'm fed up of it however she is under the impression that I love it. last night she put a stick of celery there, and i know that sounds funny, but a bit of it snapped off and for hours afterwards it really hurt. She did manage to get it out in the end but that was the last straw. I think she gets more out of it than I do. How do I tell her that I'm just not interested. I don't think there is a future for us anymore anyway.

frootshoot you bloody psycho! I cannot believe you have told everyone that I actually like that! It was your fault the celery got stuck you mad cow! Do you seriously think I like having bananas and cucumbers stuck up my ass? you mad bitch.
Let me tell everyone how you like to rub yourself up against bags of frozen peas to get yourself going and how you once shagged the bag
see how you like having it all laid out in public

you know the funny thing? I used to like celery dipped in peanut butter.

Not any more...

Smooth or crunchy?

You lot can all laugh and make mock.
It's not bloody funny for me though.

I'm now missing my lovely green leafy top.
And it's not the best way to discover you're claustrophobic.

I'm sat here chanting "Jerry, Jerry"

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience tramatised carrot

OMG Carrot! They did it to you too?
The bastards!

I bet there aren't any helplines for us vegetables to phone.

Why won't anyone think of the vegetables?

I'm the crapping traumatised one here. I had that piece of shitting celery up my ass for hours before she finally found it. She'd tried to get it out a few times but "said" she couldn't find it. Bet she was enjoying it all along.

She doesn't wash her hands either, dirty cow.

we are supposed to be going out tonight with friends, I've a good mind to "out" her. Phoning friend now to see what he suggest, he never liked her.

Crunchy of course. Got to have big bits in.

Phone my free helpline all you you traumatised vegetables, just call 0800 5-a-day

dontgothere, I'd let it drop now, if I were you.

You've literally been outwitted by two vegetables on this thread.

You're going to phone your (male) friend to tell him your girlfriend sticks various bits of veg up your arse and you've finally had enough?

I am very much looking forward to the next chapter of this little story.

Make that three vegetables.

This post has reminded me that I promised to find out the name of a Frank Zappa track, as I keep humming it but just can't remember what it's called. It's about this kind of thing but no celery involved, can anyone help please?

Did you not hear Gordon Brown telling us not to waste food? Honestly, some people...

Is the track called 'Anus Salad', Scoops?

Maybe they don't waste it?.....

LOL!!!!

I haven;t laughed so much in ages so thank you to frootshoot and don;t go there - I for one have enjoyed your threads

Scoops, does it go "ram it, ram it...." etc etc?

Yea, that's the one Cad.
Thought it might make a nice little tune for a Wedding or something.

Right, me and friend are going to sabotage her girls night out with celery covered in peanut butter (thanks whoever suggested that) and with banners saying "MAXINE LIKES BROWN VEGETABLES" and another saying "THE CELERY SAYS YOU'RE DUMPED"

hoping that humiliates her like she has done me. To think I thought of sparin gher feelings on this one.

dontgothere you are weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm printing this off and sending it to her parents too.

That's lovely, dear.
Off you go then.