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Original poster

Am I seeing my child enough?

40 replies

DadJ93 · 23/08/2025 18:05

Hi all,

I'm really worried about my long distance relationship with my son. Im a 32 year old man, my son is 7. For the last 5 years I've been having a long distance relationship with him. I see him for 4 nights overnight once per month and then he stays with me for Christmas, easter and 2 seperate 10 day periods in the summer holidays.

Ive worked this out to be about 1090 hours per year. Which averages out to about 20 hours per week. Inbetween this I spend about 2-3 hours per day playing online games with him and videocalling, talking about his day that day, how schools gone, what his plans are for the weekend etc, what we'll be doing the next time I see him and anything inbetween. We have what feels like a close relationship but lately I've been thinking that maybe im letting him down by not being physically closer to him. Im also worried about what the future holds as he grows. Ive been thinking about moving nearer to him, but this could potentially mean losing all of the holiday contact I currently have with him and just seeing him every other weekend. His mum and me didn't end on good terms and there was a lot of court proceedings so, all of the contact i have with him is court ordered.

Please help

OP posts:
LouiseK93 · 23/08/2025 18:45

I think the fact your concerned at all shows your a good dad. You sound like your doing all the right things.
Moving closer is a good idea if you and he are happy with it. But why would it mean you lose out on holiday time with him?

Original poster
DadJ93 · 23/08/2025 18:54

Thanks, because his mum would want to reduce the holiday time I get with him completely and only have every other weekend. Whether thats a plan by her to stop be moving back or not is up for debate. But she certainly wouldn't allow everything I have more plus some extra..

OP posts:
SpillingWater · 23/08/2025 18:56

DadJ93 · 23/08/2025 18:54

Thanks, because his mum would want to reduce the holiday time I get with him completely and only have every other weekend. Whether thats a plan by her to stop be moving back or not is up for debate. But she certainly wouldn't allow everything I have more plus some extra..

Then you go back to court surely, to work out something fairer?

NewLifeLoading · 23/08/2025 18:56

Move closer, go to court and get more time with him

titchy · 23/08/2025 19:13

2-3 hours per day video calling/gaming Shock Way too much for a 7 year old.

Ponderingwindow · 23/08/2025 19:16

As much as you want to maintain contact, 2-3 hours online a day isn’t good for your son or sustainable long term. If you move close enough and show consistent contact, you can petition the court for an increase in custody. There is no real reason you can’t build up to sharing the real work of parenting on a daily basis.

ComfortFoodCafe · 23/08/2025 19:45

2-3 a day playing online games for a 7 year old is overkill if its a school day. Honestly if you can move back, and go to court to get more time with him. No reason the court would say no, you seem like a good dad.

Pigsinblankets13 · 23/08/2025 20:01

Don't have any regrets...if you want to see more of him then make it happen. You don't want to look back in years to come and wish you'd spent more time with him. X

Original poster
DadJ93 · 23/08/2025 20:15

I dont have the money for that. Court costs tens of thousands of pounds.

OP posts:
ButSheSaid · 23/08/2025 20:31

It doesn't. Where did you get that figure from?

TheCurious0range · 23/08/2025 20:33

I have a nearly 7 year old no way should he be online that much! At that age a week is a long time, if you can move closer and get more regular contact I would

YouLookNiceJackie · 23/08/2025 22:55

My ex lives 30 minutes down the road and only sees ds every other weekend and pushes to drop him off earlier and earlier each time. He has him for a week extra maximum in the summer and maybe 4 days over Christmas holidays and that's it despite me saying he's welcome to have him more. I think given the distance, you are trying your best. The gaming sounds a lot though. Could he read to you or do spellings etc with you over video call so you can be involved in his schooling?

autumngirl714 · 23/08/2025 22:58

The thing that stuck out to me is the 2-3 hours gaming/video calling. That’s a lot.
Let him enjoy his time and space with his mum/other family and friends as well as his time with you.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/08/2025 23:00

DadJ93 · 23/08/2025 20:15

I dont have the money for that. Court costs tens of thousands of pounds.

Please quote people when replying.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/08/2025 23:02

Since you ask, I think 2/3 hours a day gaming is appalling, especially for such a young child.

Does his mother know you do this?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/08/2025 23:04

I think the amount you speak to him every day is more than a
lot of dads who live with their child!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/08/2025 23:05

Ps court doesn’t cost tens of thousands it costs about £250, you only pay thousands if you use solicitors which aren’t compulsory you can get most of what you need from free Facebook advice pages and ai

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/08/2025 23:06

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/08/2025 23:02

Since you ask, I think 2/3 hours a day gaming is appalling, especially for such a young child.

Does his mother know you do this?

I agree

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/08/2025 23:11

' 4 nights overnight once per month '

isn't that roughly the same as every other weekend ?

far far far too much time gaming, I am very surprised the Mother allows that much time online - is that Court ordered too ?

Original poster
DadJ93 · 24/08/2025 04:15

Thanks for everyone's replies. I dont understand why the focus is on how much he games. He's a very bright lad who is top in his class for almost everything. His reading and writing skills are far above what is expected from him at his age. He was reading quite a difficult book out to a group of year 7s the other day. He loves maths and PE and is also very creative in drawing/painting and building things. He's always asking me to add things up for him, or me asking him maths questions. I also teach him alot about sealife as thats a massive passion of his.

I dont understand how gaming is a detriment to him at all as its also a massive passion of his the same as it is mine and I'm sure his mother knows about it as he lives with her. What a ridiculous thing to focus on.

OP posts:
Fearfulsaints · 24/08/2025 04:30

I am sure you would like more contact. You sound like you enjoy time with your son and would love to see him everyday.

However I do think this is 'enough' contact to build a close loving relationship and I dont think you need worry.

I also have an opinion on screen time! Sorry. 2 hours is fine. 3 hours a bit much. There are recommendations around screen time from WHO and echoed by the nhs. At that ages its about ensuring enough time for a balance of activities, especially physical and play.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/08/2025 04:39

Why don’t you move closer?

Thingyfanding · 24/08/2025 04:48

YouLookNiceJackie · 23/08/2025 22:55

My ex lives 30 minutes down the road and only sees ds every other weekend and pushes to drop him off earlier and earlier each time. He has him for a week extra maximum in the summer and maybe 4 days over Christmas holidays and that's it despite me saying he's welcome to have him more. I think given the distance, you are trying your best. The gaming sounds a lot though. Could he read to you or do spellings etc with you over video call so you can be involved in his schooling?

Sounds similar to my ex!
it’s refreshing to hear of a dad that wants to do more for their child and to be closer,

Nestingbirds · 24/08/2025 05:02

Yes you need to move much closer to him. Video calls are not the same. You could be a much bigger part of his life. Why did you move so far away? That must have been very difficult for your son.

Your current arrangement is risking a serious gaming addiction that you may come to deeply regret in the future. He is much too young to be on line so much. Please wean him off, and encourage him to play outside.

Eastie77Returns · 24/08/2025 05:31

DadJ93 · 24/08/2025 04:15

Thanks for everyone's replies. I dont understand why the focus is on how much he games. He's a very bright lad who is top in his class for almost everything. His reading and writing skills are far above what is expected from him at his age. He was reading quite a difficult book out to a group of year 7s the other day. He loves maths and PE and is also very creative in drawing/painting and building things. He's always asking me to add things up for him, or me asking him maths questions. I also teach him alot about sealife as thats a massive passion of his.

I dont understand how gaming is a detriment to him at all as its also a massive passion of his the same as it is mine and I'm sure his mother knows about it as he lives with her. What a ridiculous thing to focus on.

Edited

There is a focus on the gaming because 2-3 hours online every single day is excessive for a 7 year old child. It’s not ridiculous. I don’t doubt your son is bright but over time it will be detrimental to him if he consistently spends this amount of time gaming from such a young age.

Do you usually respond in that aggressive tone when someone makes a point you disagree with?

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