Absent Parent - school communications

[Mikexx]

I was of the understanding that any communications sent home with children to their mother also had to be sent to the absent father where requested.

I can't find any authoritative information on this.

In this instance the school have dismissed this and saying they are not mediators and excusing themselves of this responsibility.

Can anyone assist to where I can find further information about school correspondence?

Ask them for a copy of their policy for separated parents. If they don't provide it ask the education department of your local council who can clarify the schools responsibility.

My school will provide both parents things like copies of the report card, and accident reports.

We use dojo so both parents have access to that which has all the information about dress up days, school plays and assemblies etc.

Government Guidance assuming you are in England. Lots of detail and you would need to apply this to your circumstance.

Broadly and without court orders etc.

Those who have parental responsibility for or care of a child have the same rights as biological parents to:

• receive information, such as school reports
• participate in statutory activities, such as voting in an election for parent governors
• be asked to give consent, such as to the child taking part in a school trip
• be informed about meetings involving the child, such as a governors’ meeting on the child’s exclusion from school

School and local authority staff must treat all parents equally, unless a court order limits a parent’s ability to make educational decisions, participate in school life or receive information about their child. In most circumstances, the question a school must ask itself when making decisions is not just whether a parent holds parental responsibility but whether they are a parent under education law.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility/understanding-and-dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility#general-principles-for-schools-and-local-authorities

Why are you an absent father?

My SIL's children have an absent father, court ordered as he was abusive.

He tries to get reports, info on the children via the school and he does this as a way to throw things back in my SIL's face and keep a level of control over her knowing that he can get information about the children through the school.

If you just mean you don't live with them full time and are separated from their mum, don't use the word "absent" it will cause confusion!

All schools I have dealt with are happy to add mum and dad to the email list so not sure why it would be a problem, it shouldn't be.

Thanks - I get your point but that is the term I thought was appropriate, absent as in not directly involved in day to day care of my children.

At one time the was Parent Without Care, but that implies "doesn't care".

Yes, I certainly do care, very much indeed. What would be the best term to use?

There is no such court order against me and the issue is quite the opposite with an abusive mother.

I think there is a confusion over the best term to describe myself, perhaps something other than absent?

Non resident parent if they don't live with you or non main resident parent if they live with you some of the time.

That's very useful indeed. I've made a number of searches and could find meaningful google hits for communications with both parents. I've given it a quick read and will read it later in greater depth. I'm conscious there are a lot of "can"s in that article rather than "must"s implying that many forms of equal parental treatment are optional.

The school knows I have parental responsibility for my children and I obtain some communications through their Parent Hub app.

An example is a school trip where I only heard from a child that they didn't get on trip as their mother had submitted a form too late. I didn't receive the multiple communications associated with the trip, including a meeting, as they were sent home via the child.

The school claims that their responsibilities are satisfied once they give correspondence to a child.

And that it is up to the resident parent to tell the non-resident parent of any communication and that they are not mediators. Furthermore the school's policy is they do not mediate between parents.

I think they are probably right enough sending out permission slips to only one parent, what happens if one parent says yes and the other says no? That will be why they are saying they aren't mediators.

You are on the parent hub, so that's their responsibility fulfilled as you can access information on there.

It sounds like an issue of administration and practicality.

If they send some things home only as a hard copy (unusual now in my experience), someone has to remember to email you separately.

I hate bits of paper and thankfully everything is done via email/online consent form now.

I bet you'd find if that was the case there wouldn't be an issue

Yerbut:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility/understanding-and-dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility#general-principles-for-schools-and-local-authorities

does suggest that those with PR have the same rights as a biological parent in terms of giving consent.

However it doesn't say how they communicate to all those with PR, just that they must be treated the same.

Is any correspondence simply just sent home with the child? If you're the non-resident father how would you know?

Our school has a very comprehensive website - do they?

That article specifically states:
"If a school needs parental consent for extra-curricular visits and activities, a headteacher should seek the consent of the resident parent. Exceptions to this are when the decision is likely to have a long-term and significant impact on the child, or the non-resident parent has requested to be asked for consent in all cases."

Is there a class what's app you could ask to be added too - usually good for info at our school.

Also - download your child's school calendar from their website, things like trips etc are usually on there way in advance. That way, you know about them, and can always call the school in advance to ask if other parent has paid etc...

In our case, I can't remember any correspondence being only sent home with the child as a hard copy. It's all electronic,

Is there a class WhatsApp organised by parents? Our one includes helpful reminders when consent etc is due. Admittedly less dads than mums on it but there are some. They would help you stay in the loop.

At our school too if a child was going to miss out on a trip because consent wasn't given they would email/phone to check if it was an oversight. Maybe you could ask the class teacher to do that if the same situation arises again with permission for a trip.

I've just checked and confirm there is nothing about this school trip in the March and May calendars. There was no April calendar.

In probably part due to what is going on in the background the school has now confirmed the places.

I'm not aware of any class WhatsApp group for the classes my children are in. It's certainly not advertised.

There is, they use Parent Hub. However not everything is there and this school trip certainly wasn't.

Class WhatsApps aren't organised by the school so they won't be advertised. They're usually parent organised so you'd need to ask another parent to get you added.

Have you spoken directly to your children’s teachers? This usually easier face to face at drop of and pick up if they’re primary aged.

There might not be a class WhatsApp, there isn't always, especially if classes get mixed up each year.

I'd probably ask to have a chat to the school teacher. Explain you're sad your child missed out on a trip due to a form not being returned and you weren't aware of it, ask them to contact you if something isn't returned in future.

No, but both the school office and the child welfare SENDCo and LAC says they don't mediate and she actually prompted this topic.

Ok, as suggested I ought to use the term non-resident parent.

Sometimes fathers actually care and want to know how their children are doing at school. It doesn't have to be power thing until one of the parties thinks they are aggrieved. Given the school's overall reaction to me and how their mother has described me to them, where she claims the headteacher is a long standing close friend, I am sure that I am seen as an abusive father too.

It reminds me of a saying, one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist. What you see is what you hear from a biased source.

No, and their diary/newsletter is more about assemblies and misses out things like deadlines for consent forms for school trips.

Ask the school what priority you are on their MIS. On SIMS you should be priority 1, even if you aren’t the resident parent. You should also be getting messages about parents evenings.