Absent Parent - school communications

[Mikexx]

I was of the understanding that any communications sent home with children to their mother also had to be sent to the absent father where requested.

I can't find any authoritative information on this.

In this instance the school have dismissed this and saying they are not mediators and excusing themselves of this responsibility.

Can anyone assist to where I can find further information about school correspondence?

Does the child never stay with you during the week and go to school from your house? I think some actual personal contact and familiarity with the school and how they do things would really help.

They definitely should send report info and newsletters and invite to parents' evenings but I think permission for trips from a non resident parent isn't required as they're, well, non resident.

If this is a primary school bear in mind their admin resources are very limited.

Are you on Parent Hub? If so then you should get each piece of comms. I can't imagine a school would not send letters about trips via any method except the hub. Ask the school office to check if you are set up to recieve all correspondence.

What in particular are you bothered about? That your child missed a trip or that she attended something? (I would imagine the comment about being mediator or more to do with you an ex having opposing views on something like this and not about whether school can send you a newsletter.)

We have some non resident parents - any letters sent home come via our school office, and they email the NRP copies. We also have Parent Pay so parents can pay for trips etc online - ask to be included in this so that you can contribute to your DCs costs.

@Mikexx

Read the school complaints policy on the school website and follow it.

First stage is usually talk to the school about the specific issue. In this case use the government guidance I've linked and request from the school their policy on ‘communication with non resident parents’. (Check if they have a general communication policy as this maybe contained within it.)

Initially a gentle request, with a suggestion that if there isn't a policy, for fair practice and clarity, one is put in place. Policies are objective with guidance agreed to meet requirement and signed off by governors/trustees. This gives all stakeholders an agreed outline of expectation and something to hold to school to account against as they can parents too.

Give them time to respond. If this is not forthcoming follow through the next stages of the complaint procedure, involving governors.

It is likely that the school haven't considered this policy, they may not have been presented with having to. The positive outcome will that they do and a policy will be written and implemented from government guidance, meaning clarity and fairness for all.
If they do have a policy, read it and see if it is being followed. Again, use the school complaints policy to hold the school to account for following it.

Keep communication with the school depersonalised and objective, using system and policy. This doesn't need to be about your family, though you might use evidence from your circumstances.

This is one school policy I found via google.

https://www.educationvillage.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Separated-Parents-Policy-V4.1.pdf

Do you contribute to these trips?

That sounds a very efficient mechanism; where with pretty much a single click you can email all NRP with a letter. Can only be cheaper and quicker than pieces of paper.

There is a Parent Pay facility but I'm not privy to it. Their mother is and requests all monies go through her. She is also on Universal Credit and so gets any discount the school offers as our children get free school meals, using this as the reason why I should pay her. However I don't trust her on anything financial and last time I asked the school how much was due the school didn't reply.

When you say "you're not privy to it". Have you phoned the school and asked for a ParentPay login? And then put money in?

I get this quite often from separated dads at parents' evenings. "I don't know how to..." "I've never been told..." Ring the school! Ask!

Mums only know how to do this stuff because we, well, do it...

manage.appscentral.co.uk/uploads/client/documents/3396/Creating-a-Secondary-Payer-Account.pdf

I will bear all that in mind. There is also a crucial aspect of trips most schools follow, namely where NRP can insist of giving their consent for school trip. That would be a sure-fire way of receiving the corresponding communications.

At the moment this is all to much and closing down all communications with the school, mother and child services. The PLO and court proceedings can go on without me. The children can contact me if they wish to, but generally don't as I'm painted as the bad guy who has befriended Social Workers in Child Services.

Thanks you everyone for your help, it is all greatly appreciated.

So you’re throwing your toys out of the pram and leaving contact up to your children because…. It’s hard?!?

Ok, the children don't want to speak to me. They don't want to see me.

This way I am not forcing myself upon them, nor am I creating them stress should they upset mum. They can contact me if they so wish and have left communication avenues open if they should wish to. They know how to contact me.

I have not offered to CS to look after the children. If I do look after them I will be seen as the bogey man who took them off their mother.

This might actually stir the mother into talking to CS and engaging rather. She was trying to enlist my support in her continued abuse of our children. She (we) is (are) already in the PLO stage and then it's court.

I have given this a great deal of thought I can assure you.

If you want to ve in your children's life gi to court. Get visitation. Build a relationship with them and do the right thing.
Don't leave primary age children to contact you. That is an adult decision you are putting onto kids. That is not fair.

ParentPay will be key,
If nothing else, email the school and ask for a login.

How often do you see your children? Every week, twice a week?

The current PLO progress will be quicker than anything going to court.

Let's see. 3 months to first hearing. Then another 3 months to appoint CAFCASS. Then another 3 months for the ruling/order. Then another 3 months when the mother doesn't conform.

I am more likely to see the children sooner by doing nothing rather than antagonising her.

Last time was 6 weeks ago, and was convenient for mum as she was away for a few days.

I was meant to see them for a day last weekend but activity classes, exams and the others didn't want to see me.