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Wife beating my daughter

63 replies

Scoobs222 · 05/07/2024 03:04

So I'm seperated from wife, in the process of divorcing, i live 2 hours away from her. To cut a long story short, we've had issues the whole 10 years, she's very narcissistic and in the end I had to leave for my own sanity. Couldn't leave my kids when they were young. Anyway one time she started a big fight for no reason and kept provoking me until I got angry and threw my plate of food on the floor, I just got in from work and it's the last thing I needed. After the argument she told me to leave, I said no I won't, so she called the police next morning, telling them I threatened to kill her (all lies) etc so the police arrested me and told me I can't come near the family house so I moved back in with my parents, she also got a non mol out against me. The police charges all got dropped, non mol finished and then she started playing nice for a bit but I didn't go back to her, I've asked her if I can see the kids half half during the holidays, she said no I can't see them at all as they need their mum! So went to court and she brought up the fact I smoke cannabis (one spliff before bed), which I admitted and they told me I need to do a drug test, which I did and passed after 2 months abstinence. Went back to court to reapply, now she's saying I got a anger problem and the kids aren't safe, even forced my daughter (9 years old) to speak out against me to carcass, saying she's scared of me and generally speaking, I'm not a nice person. My daughter fell out with her mum over this for a long time, me and my daughter are close and always have been despite the fact her mother has been working on her to make her hate me! Obviously didn't work! So I had to go through a 3 month anger management course and go back to the courts. That's where I am at the moment, just waiting to reapply in about a month after the THC has left my system. I'll get to the main point now..
Last time my daughter came down in April this year when my mum passed away, she wanted to stay a bit longer with me and when she told her mum, her mum strangled her and dug her nails into my daughters neck leaving visible nail puncture marks. I took a photo of this and a secret recording where she's telling me how her mum hits her and her little brother often but she's too scared to report her to anyone. After all it's her mother and I understand she doesn't want a bad relationship with her, she also told me not to tell the courts, I'm in a tough situation here, I don't want to betray my girl, she trusts me a lot but at the same time I can't let this happen, it will mentally destroy the kids when they're older, they'll end up weird. What do I do here? Will the courts take the kids away from her and give them to me (I'll be clean by then) if I show them the domestic violence towards the children? What are the chances?

OP posts:
lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 15:16

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 15:16

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100%

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2024 15:25

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This.

SBHon · 05/07/2024 15:35

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Because he stopped temporarily to pass the test.

So went to court and she brought up the fact I smoke cannabis (one spliff before bed), which I admitted and they told me I need to do a drug test, which I did and passed after 2 months abstinence.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/07/2024 15:40

That was in April you say, and it's 5th July now - why the 3 month wait ?

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 15:41

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UpUpUpU · 05/07/2024 15:53

Neither of you deserve those children!

Why did you not report this immediately? If it’s true, you have put your children through a further 3 months of abuse. You both sound as bad as each other. Those poor kids

Balloonhearts · 05/07/2024 16:00

You need to grow the fuck up, control your temper, no one cares whether you've been at work all day, you're a grown man for God's sake!

Get off the drugs, again: you're a grown man ffs, living with your mum doesn't mean you have to act like a teenager and it sounds like you really can't afford to be killing brain cells right now.

Then report to the police, give them the photos, recording any other evidence you have. Your daughter is not safe and you need to be putting her first.

If your ex is found to be abusing her and she is at imminent risk then yes she may be removed but you would not currently be considered an option due to your drug use. And saying you want the kids taken off her and given to you makes you really sound more interested in scoring points over her than actually protecting your child.

It doesn't work like that. You need to be clean for a significant period of time and probably pass a parenting assessment. Your child has more chance currently of ending up in Foster care and frankly I think that's probably for the best.

If you really want your daughter with you, you need to shape up, ship out and start acting like a man, not a pathetic pot head teenager who throws tantrums and dinner plates! I mean look at yourself! Would you place a child with someone who smokes spliffs, smashes plates in temper and lives with his mother?

lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 16:08

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NoNameNonsense · 05/07/2024 16:16

You need to man up now and put your kids first as you state you have been trying to do. No more weed, get everything together. report it to the police and fight tooth and nail for custody of your children.

It doesn’t matter what your chances are, you should not be giving up until your children are safe with you. That means your chances are 100% because you won’t stop until they are 100% with you and safe!!

Jaboody · 05/07/2024 16:41

How much do you spend on the weed? I'd bet you smoke more than 1.

greenpolarbear · 05/07/2024 16:44

Your daughter deserves better than either of you.

Choochoo21 · 05/07/2024 17:43

You need to report this to SS asap.

There’s no way anyone would do that to my child and me not doing anything about it.

Of course a child would tell you not to tell, because they are a child and don’t have the understanding that an adult is meant to have.

I’m shocked that you think that your child is being physically abused and you’re having to think about what to do about it.

Ring SS now.

TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 17:46

I’m shocked that you think that your child is being physically abused and you’re having to think about what to do about it

He's waiting two months till he can get another clean drugs test.
Hmm

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/07/2024 18:22

'I'll be clean by then'

so you are not clean now.

and

'she brought up the fact I smoke cannabis (one spliff before bed), which I admitted and they told me I need to do a drug test, which I did and passed after 2 months abstinence.'

it took 2 months to pass a test ?

and

'just waiting to reapply in about a month after the THC has left my system. '

wow you really are trying hard aren't you - not !

BlackPanther75 · 11/07/2024 09:40

What a nightmare situation

this sounds like a very worrying time for you.

i think you are telling us that your ex has been able to manipulate and lie into limiting your access to your daughter.

You have experienced authorities taking her version of events and again not being able to see your daughter

now you are saying your ex has physically and emotionally abused your daughter but you don’t trust that the authorities will believe you, and you’re worried it might damage your relationship with your daughter AND potentially result in you being denied seeing your daughter again

i totally see where you are coming from. I have experienced how the police and social services behaved towards me when i was in the middle of a breakup with my wife and a victim of physical and emotional abuse

To tell the story quickly my wife physically assaulted me, she hit me with a chair then punch and bit me.. i called SS because i was scared of her behaviour, they called the police who told me to leave the home that night. Next day SS woman was shouting down the phone at me. A lawyer told me when i went for advice that i had to put up with it if I wanted to see my children because the family courts are stacked against us. He said when they’re in high school a court will listen to the child’s opinion of where they want to live, but up until then the mother has to be proved abusive for the father to get care. Absolutely crazy. So that’s what your trying to work with in this. You aren’t crazy to worry about what might happen.

i would recommend you get in touch with a dads support group and get their advice. Try ‘families need fathers’ as a starting point. Just Google them

I’m not anti a single spliff a day or whatever, what’s the difference between the person who relaxes with a glass of wine after work or a cigarette?.. but saying that, you want to make yourself into the model father so the courts see you as the best choice for your daughter, don’t give your ex anything real to throw at you, make yourself the best you can be for your daughters sake, and get advice how to manage the rest.

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 10:15

BlackPanther75 · 11/07/2024 09:40

What a nightmare situation

this sounds like a very worrying time for you.

i think you are telling us that your ex has been able to manipulate and lie into limiting your access to your daughter.

You have experienced authorities taking her version of events and again not being able to see your daughter

now you are saying your ex has physically and emotionally abused your daughter but you don’t trust that the authorities will believe you, and you’re worried it might damage your relationship with your daughter AND potentially result in you being denied seeing your daughter again

i totally see where you are coming from. I have experienced how the police and social services behaved towards me when i was in the middle of a breakup with my wife and a victim of physical and emotional abuse

To tell the story quickly my wife physically assaulted me, she hit me with a chair then punch and bit me.. i called SS because i was scared of her behaviour, they called the police who told me to leave the home that night. Next day SS woman was shouting down the phone at me. A lawyer told me when i went for advice that i had to put up with it if I wanted to see my children because the family courts are stacked against us. He said when they’re in high school a court will listen to the child’s opinion of where they want to live, but up until then the mother has to be proved abusive for the father to get care. Absolutely crazy. So that’s what your trying to work with in this. You aren’t crazy to worry about what might happen.

i would recommend you get in touch with a dads support group and get their advice. Try ‘families need fathers’ as a starting point. Just Google them

I’m not anti a single spliff a day or whatever, what’s the difference between the person who relaxes with a glass of wine after work or a cigarette?.. but saying that, you want to make yourself into the model father so the courts see you as the best choice for your daughter, don’t give your ex anything real to throw at you, make yourself the best you can be for your daughters sake, and get advice how to manage the rest.

Wow.

You don't even think that taking drugs is reprehensible behaviour.

Unbelievable.

BlackPanther75 · 11/07/2024 10:39

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 10:15

Wow.

You don't even think that taking drugs is reprehensible behaviour.

Unbelievable.

Well i think smoking a spliff is on the same level as smoking a cigarette or drinking a glass of wine.

They’re all used in the same way, as a way of relaxing.

i don’t see a difference if used in moderation. They can all be fine, they can all be problematic. Alcohol is probably the worst of the 3 though to excess.

Are you against all drinking and smoking too, or just smoking marijuana?

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 10:49

Are you against all drinking and smoking too, or just smoking marijuana

Drugs, obviously.

The OP wasn't allowed to see his children by the court, because of his drug addiction.

Or didn't you see that bit of his post?

BlackPanther75 · 11/07/2024 11:08

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 10:49

Are you against all drinking and smoking too, or just smoking marijuana

Drugs, obviously.

The OP wasn't allowed to see his children by the court, because of his drug addiction.

Or didn't you see that bit of his post?

It’s a valid question of mine. Plenty of people are anti alcohol and nicotine and other drugs.

But you’re just anti illegal drugs right?

you mean where he says this right?…

‘So went to court and she brought up the fact I smoke cannabis (one spliff before bed), which I admitted and they told me I need to do a drug test’

andymary · 11/07/2024 11:48

GingerScallop · 05/07/2024 05:05

Sounds like your kids are stuck between an abusive mum and a dad who cares more about a spliff than having/protecting his kids. Poor kids.
Report the abuse. Ditch the cannabis. Do better by your kids. You chose to have them. They didn't choose you.

Did you not even read the post? He already stated that he's stopped the cannabis, and he's done a drug test with the court to prove it.

Give the man a little credit. At least he's being honest with himself knowing that he isn't perfect. And now he's trying to fix it and do right by his daughter.

Good luck to you Scoobs 👌

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 12:26

The MRAs have arrived.
Grin

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/07/2024 12:35

What's an MRA out of interest @TheShellBeach ?

GingerScallop · 11/07/2024 12:48

andymary · 11/07/2024 11:48

Did you not even read the post? He already stated that he's stopped the cannabis, and he's done a drug test with the court to prove it.

Give the man a little credit. At least he's being honest with himself knowing that he isn't perfect. And now he's trying to fix it and do right by his daughter.

Good luck to you Scoobs 👌

Did you not read the part that says " I need to do a drug test, which I did and passed after 2 months abstinence. " then later on, " So I had to go through a 3 month anger management course and go back to the courts. That's where I am at the moment, just waiting to reapply in about a month after the THC has left my system. I'll get to the main point now.."

If he had passed after 2 months of abstinence, then is now waiting for the THC to leave the system to reapply, what do you think it means? Relapsed! THC is not going to leave your system (you pass) then reappear magically.

Now am sympathetic to relapses but the point remains he needs to get that sorted so he can have and protect his kid.

cupcaske123 · 11/07/2024 12:56

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/07/2024 12:35

What's an MRA out of interest @TheShellBeach ?

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