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Dadsnet

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Original poster

Seriously can men REALLY go without sex for long periods????

44 replies

horseshoe · 20/03/2008 14:57

Big debate... I think you either have a big sex drive or dont.

Girly pals think if you dont give it up often then you are asking for him to have an affair no matter how much he loves you!!!
They think men NEED it more

Comments please.

OP posts:

Twinkie1 · 20/03/2008 15:06

Am having Noonie op Sat so I bloody hope not!

What a load of crap - I think especially of these no sex for 8 years relaionships that there is something else largely fundamentally wrong and I would expect DH to go mad if it were for years but for the 4 - 6 weeks he has to wait he better be patient - my designer noonie will apparently be worth it though!

Why do they think men need it more - do hteir balls really blow up?

KerryMum · 20/03/2008 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Izzywhizzy · 20/03/2008 15:08

I definately have a bigger sex drive than my DP.

zippitippitoes · 20/03/2008 15:08

sex drive is individual rahter than gender based omo

and it varies thru your life too

madamez · 20/03/2008 15:10

NO one ever died from lack of sex with a partner. If you are hornier than your partner, you can have a wank. Even if you are married to someone, that does not entitled you to have sex on them whenever you feel like it, if they are not in the mood.
If you are unhappy with the mismatch in libido between you and your partner (whether you are the horny one or the sexually-reluctant one) you need to talk it through and agree a compromise of some kind that keeps both of you reasonably content.

motherinferior · 20/03/2008 15:11

Need schmeed. They're clearly v odd.

bananaknickers · 20/03/2008 15:11

Yes , once men get an errection they have to use it or they will explode. I thought everyone knew that .

Seriously,men who are having fantastic sex at home will have an affair if they want one.

KerryMum · 20/03/2008 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippitippitoes · 20/03/2008 15:12

women also have affairs

doing it yourself isnt exactly the same

motherinferior · 20/03/2008 15:12

All the married men I've shagged were having sex with their partners too, incidentally.

hecate · 20/03/2008 15:14

Nope. They don't need it. They may want it. They don't need it. Contrary to what many of them will tell you, the balls do not explode if not emptied regularly.
Disagree that there is something fundementally wrong with a sex free marriage Twinkie - I'm in one and there's nothing wrong with it. There is nothing wrong at all with not having sex if neither of you want to.

madamez · 20/03/2008 15:16

Well, if one partner wants to remain celibate and is not interested in increasing his/her libido, then I think it is reasonable to expect that the other partner be allowed to seek sex elsewhere. No one owns anyone else's genitals, and expecting your partner to give up sex forever just because you don;t want it is EXACTLY the same as expecting your partner just to let you have sex on his/her body.

UnquietDad · 20/03/2008 15:16

There are different reasons for having affairs. Blue balls being the least of them. The one does not necessarily follow from the other.

Motherinferior is right, I'm afraid. people (not just men) who want to have an affair will have one, regardless of how good the sex is at home.

Oblomov · 20/03/2008 15:20

What is your definition of a "long time" ?
Weeks/months/years ?

Oblomov · 20/03/2008 15:22

On the threads wher people find out that their dp/dh's are having affairs, they are often continuing to have sex themselves, yes ?
As MI, says, that comes down to fidelity and that is a different issue.

madamez · 20/03/2008 15:33

Hecate, there is nothing wrong with a sex-free marriage as long as both partners are happy with it. And, while no one needs sex in the sense that they will become physically ill or their genitals will explode without it, a person who is sexually frustrated will be miserable and may display stress symptoms (particularly if the reason for the frustration is a sexually-reluctant partner who refuses to discuss the matter and criticizes the other partner for being 'disgusting' or 'lacking self-control'.)

hecate · 20/03/2008 15:37

yes madamez, that's what I said...nothing wrong at all with not having sex if neither of you want to. - - - and if you don't want to, you won't be frustrated! I just do get a bit tired of all this 'There's something wrong with you and/or your marriage if you don't play hide the saveloy' stuff and always feel compelled to shout IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A FREAK!!!!

Twinkie1 · 20/03/2008 15:44

Ok it doesn't mean you are a freak but to me a loving relationship encompasses sex - otherwise is it not just a friendship?

There was someone on here the other week who said wife wouldn't have sex and wouldn't even talk about it I mean fundamentally if your partner will not even talk about something that really bothers you that us frankly just rude. If DH wanted to have se and I didn;t I would at least communicate with him and talk to him about my reasons not just ignore it and that is what I see on most sexless relationships on here - one is happy with it and one isn't and the one who is needs to at least respect their partner and love them enough to talk about it!

Twinkie1 · 20/03/2008 15:46

And why do you call it 'Hide the Saveloy stuff' - it can be called lots of things but maybe 'making love' sounds corny but isn't that what is good in a marraige the love and the closeness - the physical closeness I mean!

'Hide the saveloy' sounds a bit carry onish - maybe this could be part of the problem!

hecate · 20/03/2008 15:50

It was a jokey term - don't overanalyse. I am capable of typing making love/having sex! I know you really need me to be a freaky sex hater - part of the problem indeed - there's no problem!!

Twinkie1 · 20/03/2008 15:52

Fine - just to me it is part of a lovng relationship and I wouldn't feel as close and together with DH if we didn't have sex.

sprogger · 20/03/2008 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 20/03/2008 16:11

Twinke, you would be horrified if you heard dh and I .
He says, as I am, say,... washing up, "shall we play hide the sausage". Or he says " do you want to play shove piggy shove".
Both to which we snigger and I raise my eyebrows..
( It is not our only form of foreplay, don't worry)

tdotb · 20/03/2008 16:54

I'm in a relationship without sex, or more to the point any intimacy or affection. I hate this, it makes me feel sad, and lonely, and it makes me realise how unattractive I must be.

I've come to realise over the last few months that this is not going to change.

But I would never feel justified, or comfortable, having an affair. I have found myself attracted to other people, in fact I have had all sorts of ideas, some of which I am rather surprised by and ashamed of, but I just couldn't do it. I'm ashamed enough of feeling like some sort of teenager as it is.

So no, men don't "need" sex, or even affection.

noddyholder · 20/03/2008 16:57

tdotb that is so sad.sorry

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