Seriously can men REALLY go without sex for long periods????

[horseshoe]

Big debate... I think you either have a big sex drive or dont.

Girly pals think if you dont give it up often then you are asking for him to have an affair no matter how much he loves you!!!
They think men NEED it more

Comments please.

My exdh never wanted sex,I had to really encourage him too. I had to leave in the end as we were just living like brother and sister and I couldn't do it. 1.5 years later I'm happy, with someone, still great mates with exdh and he has no intention of meeting a woman. He just has no libido. We'e both happier as he isn't under pressure and I'm living the life I want although of course have other problems but am not living a lie anymore.
So, my ex definitely doesn't need sex.

tdotb you're not unattractive but I know how you feel

Men and women can masturbate if it they need to but some people of either gender aren't happy in a marriage without sex and most married men who have affairs are also having sex with their wives, whatever they might tell their lovers.

but I think women tho think I'm fed up with all this sex business now I've had children and my other half hasn't exactly objected and I'm quite happy about it so let's not really bother with sex again or just once a month are probably kidding themselves about the effect that will have on their partner long term (and the other way round -men who won't have sex with their wives very often)

whats a noonie op

sounds like an operation on your vagina to make it more attractive, tighten it? Possible prolapse?

I have no idea!

wondering what twinkie will say !

by the way "give it up often" - that's caveman/Liam from Oasis talk

Hecate, fine, glad you are happy. There is nothing at all wrong with a sexless marriage if both partners are happy, just as there is nothing wrong with any individual leading a celibate life from choice - or indeed with any individual having lots and lots of sex with consenting partners. It's not how much sex a person has that makes them OK/Not OK, it's whether their pursuit of, or disinclination for sex is making other people miserable.

dh and i didnt have sex for years.

and were you both happy misdee? what changed, are you less or more happy now? do you think if he said he was happy he told the truth? did you ask him?

I totally agree with madamezthe problem comes when there is a mismatch in libido. The sex advice columnist Dan Savage probably reiterates this once a monthif you don't want sex and your partner does, you have to expect they'll go elsewhere.

My exH had no sex drive at all. For a few years, he made me feel unattractive and miserable, telling me I had something wrong with me and I was a 'nympho'. I wrongly assumed that because he was a man he had to have SOME interest in sex. I started pressuring him for it almost daily, even when I wasn't in the mood, knowing 99/100 times he would say no, all because I didn't want to miss that one time he might lower himself to sleeping with me. At one point he suggested I just sleep with someone else. I was completely shocked, and he took it back and said he didn't want me to do that, but it was too late.

Eventually I had an affair with the first man who made me feel attractive. ExH and I went to Relate and he finally admitted that he'd pushed me away. We went to sex therapist. Nothing really changed. I wanted children. He said he did, but you don't get babies by having sex once every two months, not when you've got PCOS. He also slept with a prostitute so I would 'see how it felt to be cheated on' and so he could 'try things' he said he couldn't try with me. My only response was 'did you like it? Did you learn anything?' His final offer was that I could have sex outside of the marriage, but only with a male prostitute. This was because he felt it was the only way he could be sure of never coming face to face with someone I'd slept with. I declined the offer.

Now because of the lack of sex, and because of the neglect in other ways, we are finished. I have a DP (due to be DH2 next year), and we aren't exactly breaking the furniture every night, but I'm happy. I don't have to initiate all the time, and I can say no if I really don't feel like it, without worrying that I've passed up my quarterly opportunity.

So yes, your partner doesn't have the right to demand sex if you don't want it, but at the same time, you don't have the right to demand that your partner is celibate if they don't want to be.

tbotb, you shouldn't feel ashamed for having those thoughts! If you're getting no intimacy of any kind in your marriage, that's what happens.

tdotb, ours was really forced upon us, as dh went into heart failure when i was expecting dd2. he was fine for a while, and we concieved dd3. but midway through that pregnancy his heart got even worse, and he ended up in end stage heart failure and on the transplant list. sex was the last thing on our mind. THEN, he had an LVAD fitted, was in hospital for 16months and very very ill. we did manage sex a couple of time once he came home with the lvad (i am not explaining posistions or getting into details lol) but it wasnt the easiest thing i nthe world, and its very unromantic saying 'are you ok, ooo mind the wires please' etc etc.

he had a heart transplant finally last summer, after over 2 years waiting. we have more than made up for lost time, and we are expecting dc#4 in novemeber.

For us, sex isnt all that important. It is great, no denying that, and can make you feel good. but to have dh just sleeping finally in the same bed as me, and not in a hospital bed in a seperate room, is a miracle. sex doesnt make me feel attractive/wanted, but it is a rather fun activity.

tdotb, do you cuddle. hug, hold hands etc? do u make the first move at all? have u spoken about why?

We were in the same situation as misdee for years too.I was on dialysis and had various tubes etc so wasn't the sexiest person alive and also the kidney problems affected my heart and so I was fairly knackered most of the time but the closeness was vital even at the worst times.Like misdee we have more than made up for lost time but to me it is more than a fun activity tbh and is what makes us more than friends

Sarah73, sounds like you are well rid of your XP. That's a man with some major hangups about sex - the sort of man who sometimes ends up killing hookers or something similar.

It all depends on the person not the sex. (ie. male or female)

Some people have high sex drives and others don't. I think it is best when you are perfectly matched or else it causes problems.

Also it is great to have lots of different kinds of sex, a quick passionate fuck, a long love-making session, a physical release, ...whatever.

There is room for it all.

I love it and am glad the DW does too or else we wouldn't be so happy i guess.

EricL - perfect matches are rare. Having a mismatch is not an insurmountable problem if both partners respect the other's libido rather than thinking that the other one is either frigid or disgusting, and both can agree to talk it through and work out some sort of compromise.

My exp never really wanted sex after the birth of my dd 7yrs ago - I got sick of being turned down after initiating it - he was also very sefish iykwim only interested in me sorting him out and when he was done he fell asleep - (glad hes my ex!)

Message withdrawn

Dior - you are not fat, you are a voluptuous gorgeous woman, and don't you think otherwise. I am a 16-18 and although I would like to be a bit slimmer, it doesn't bother DH or affect our sex life, and I definitely don't need to lose weight to have great sex. What planet is your DP on?