To fight or not fight

[stevetaylor20]

Not sure what to do to be honest, this is how see my options in regards to my ex moving abroad with son :


Option one. Fight my ex taking my son abroad (aged 5) permanently, to Mexico. Fighting her for what would be 2 or 3 years legally at great financial cost, arguments and emotional stress. If probably end up depression pills I'd guess and be bitter or sad when I do lose (most likely as I'm male) and probably have to pay her legal fees being more screwed over.


Option two. Move on thinking more about my own sanity, have more money, have an easier life without years of stress and not really see my son, only maybe once a year. To be honest if he does go I'll just stop paying cms and move abroad, seems dumb paying as a father if the mother and court won't let you be a father.

I wonder how mental men get on here by fighting it for years, not sure I could handle it.

[DominoBlue]

Seems like you have made your decision.

[HirplesWithHaggis]

What makes you think it would take years? You can't stop her leaving but a simple prohibited steps order (I think you can represent yourself) will prevent her taking your child.

[IfOnlyOCould]

Have you had any legal advise yet? That should be the first thing to do surely?

[RollerCoaster2020]

Also need to understand how you'll see Ms is calculated and collected. If it's via the cms, she can still get it in Mexico according to the list here. www.gov.uk/government/publications/countries-where-you-can-enforce-child-maintenance-decisions
But they can't do it if you're not in this country or certain other European countries or working for a non-british company. But you need some advice.

[Bigbadfish]

So a prohibited steps order would not take years or cost thousands, you can sleep represent.
If you have been a present father in his life you will win easily.


But if you want us to pat you on the head call you a victim and say its fine that you abandon your child that's an option I guess...

[stevetaylor20]

That's no true sorry. A, leave to remove order she will apply for and it takes minimum 2 years in London courts.

[Bigbadfish]

@stevetaylor20

That's no true sorry. A, leave to remove order she will apply for and it takes minimum 2 years in London courts.

You don't want to try. Fine but reading you try and play the victim is sickening.

[Pumpkindoodles]

Seems you’ve made a ton of assumptions and made your decision already
I do note non of your reasoning centres your child though

[MrsTerryPratchett]

To be honest if he does go I'll just stop paying cms and move abroad, seems dumb paying as a father if the mother and court won't let you be a father.

You pay because your child deserves it. You also fight because your child deserves it. And IME men always win when women want to remove their child from the country. I don't know where you're getting your information from.

[stevetaylor20]

You're not being logical. I will highly unlikely be able to stop her leave to remove application, that is my issue. Probably I have the best solicitor money can buy so good advice isn't the issue, I do not require legal advice from someone who doesn't know, to be blunt.

To reply on here with abandon is a rather childish and judgemental comment. You have little or not information about my situation. You sound like you've not much grasp on the law within UK on leave to remove. The process will take a significant amount of time, in London specifically.

My point really is about accepting the position I find myself in, or righting it to the bitter end. That bitter end lies the issue, my son will suffer a lot as his mother will make things absolutely impossible, and if I lose then she'll never let me see him. If I'm amicable there's more change of a good relationship between us and I'll see him more... Depending upon the exact agreement we come to. Obviously no agreement in UK law I can enforce abroad anyway easily but point stands somewhat, I could get a court order in Mexico as example also.

[JulesCobb]

@MrsTerryPratchett

To be honest if he does go I'll just stop paying cms and move abroad, seems dumb paying as a father if the mother and court won't let you be a father.

You pay because your child deserves it. You also fight because your child deserves it. And IME men always win when women want to remove their child from the country. I don't know where you're getting your information from.

All of this. Why do you think your son stops needing to eat if he loves elsewhere? Do you think he exiats to be pay-per-view?

[stevetaylor20]

You are incorrect. The last, survey completed was that 75% of leave to remove applications in UK were granted in favor of the mother.

Good advice isn't my issue, I'm fortunate to have enough money to have the best advice. Obviously I've taken multiple viewpoints from 2 solicitors and also 1 barrister to get, the view on the current state within court.

[stevetaylor20]

My son would eat perfectly fine I Mexico with his boat and nice expensive property I suspect. Food will not be his issue

[stevetaylor20]

Have you been through, yourself, a years long leave to remove application? And before you say it doesn't take 2 years it does lol with count backlogs in London. If you have and fully understand the difficulties, stress, financial stress, stress on, the child, etc then I appreciate the feedback, otherwise its not necessarily helpful unless you have fully lived it

[MrsTerryPratchett]

You've made up your mind, with the best legal advice. What the fuck are you on here for? Go do it. Let your child go, remove support, be that Prince.

[sashh]

Get over yourself and put your big boy pants on.

The reason most women get custody and leave to remain is because of the number of fathers who don't give a shit.

For any good parent it is not a choice to fight or not, you fight.

Also there are not two options there are lots.

You say you have money, that means you can afford to visit Mexico and you can afford to have your child visit you.

I suspect you are not doing 50/50 at the moment.

What is best for your child?

[stevetaylor20]

Lol sure. Based on no statistics a vague statement from you saying that men are simply not interested. A dumb judgement. I could make an irrelevant statement about women, does not justify the application of law (not the law) against a gender. I'd suspect if the situation were reversed the world would be up in arms saying how badly women are treated. Shall we send whites to prison for longer than Asians because we perceive whites to be more violent. What a stupid statement of a gender.

Obviously I tried 50 / 50 but as I'm a male I couldn't get it despite being fully within the child's life from birth and having the best solicitors you can get, pretty much give or take. A perfectly willing father wanting 50 or even 100% however I didn't ask for 100 as I felt that would be unfair on the mother, obviously I would not have got that unless she was a smack head.

You obviously have little or no concept of leave applications and something called reality.

"fighting" is an irrelevant and emotional term. It is irrelevant what is best for the child, obviously both parents, but that is irrelevant because what is best for the child has nothing to do with the outcome or law.

[stevetaylor20]

No intellectual response just emotional attacks. Obviously you've been hurt. About as intelligent as a fish.

[Theunamedcat]

@stevetaylor20

No intellectual response just emotional attacks. Obviously you've been hurt. About as intelligent as a fish.

Say that again yo yourself in the mirror

[RosieRooster83]

@stevetaylor20

Lol sure. Based on no statistics a vague statement from you saying that men are simply not interested. A dumb judgement. I could make an irrelevant statement about women, does not justify the application of law (not the law) against a gender. I'd suspect if the situation were reversed the world would be up in arms saying how badly women are treated. Shall we send whites to prison for longer than Asians because we perceive whites to be more violent. What a stupid statement of a gender.

Obviously I tried 50 / 50 but as I'm a male I couldn't get it despite being fully within the child's life from birth and having the best solicitors you can get, pretty much give or take. A perfectly willing father wanting 50 or even 100% however I didn't ask for 100 as I felt that would be unfair on the mother, obviously I would not have got that unless she was a smack head.

You obviously have little or no concept of leave applications and something called reality.

"fighting" is an irrelevant and emotional term. It is irrelevant what is best for the child, obviously both parents, but that is irrelevant because what is best for the child has nothing to do with the outcome or law.

I do agree with your sentiments here regarding men being discriminated against in the family courts, I have witnessed it myself first hand. DH wanted 50/50 but wasn't allowed it. No reason. Going through a current case and every professional practically has turned it around on DH and painted the mother out to be an angel. We are done with the system and I can totally understand why a lot of men give up and walk away when it comes to going through the courts.

[2020firsttimemum]

I personally would do anything for my child(ren) worth fighting for and every penny spent

What do you think your child will think / say in 10/15 years time if you just 'give up' because blaming it on his mother isn't going to achieve anything here...

Food for thought

[Oblomov22]

You don't like what Mn says. So you get personal and attack, saying everyone is thick - no intellectual response.

I'm assuming English isn't your first language, because you do write in a strange way.

Mn is incredibly bright and intelligent, with tonnes of qualified lawyers.

Most children just want to know that their dad would fight for them. That's how I felt re my dad. Are you prepared to? Or not?

How old is your ds?

[ClocksGoingBackwards]

You fight for your child, obviously. Or were you expecting to come on Mumsnet and be reassured that it’s ok not bother with your child? 🙄

[elephantseal]

I'm not sure why you're posting here if you have money and have taken 'the best' legal advice.

This might help: www.familylawdecisions.co.uk/useful-information/prohibited-steps-order/

But I suggest you'd get better advice if you stopped criticising people and insulting them. Doesn't sound like you're very open-minded. It also sounds like you're a bit of a sexist, from remarks you've made here.

Good luck.

[monsteramunch]

If you have enough money for the best legal advice, as you have reiterated (we get it!) then wouldn't it make sense to pay for some counselling to work out how to get through this emotionally... rather than asking a forum and kicking off because you think posters don't understand you?