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Partner not allowed to see his children

41 replies

Brewer1977 · 11/06/2022 16:49

My partner, has constantly had problems gaining access to his kids, if he makes any attempt too when his ex does not want him too, She tells the children the most awful lies about him.
He is afraid to go up against her because if he does the fallout towards the children is horrible. He pays for his children , but she constantly asks him for more money and if he can’t ( as in he has nothing left) she will tell the kids they have to stop their clubs and activities because “Daddy is a druggy and out with slags”
about 6 weeks ago he had a breakdown after he was stopped by the police for speeding. He then found that she had gained so many points for speeding and because the car is still in his name and registered at his old address because he left the car for her.
she did not forward to him any of the court letters ( he would of paid the fines and taken the wrap) he was banned, he needs to drive for his job so he lost his job. Which meant no money which meant he was not allowed to see the kids.
because of the breakdown and her telling the kids he is a piece of sh*t he hasn’t contacted them he was just broken.
he has started talking about reaching out, he is very fragile. They’ll be major fallout at first she will be vile, however if anyone has any advice on how he should reach out ?

OP posts:
cupofdecaf · 11/06/2022 17:09

I don't understand why he has taken the points? He could have made a stat dec he didn't get the letters and then name her as the driver.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/06/2022 17:14

He needs to apply to court
why wouldn't he have transferred the car to her name??
he's been extremely passive and he needs to take control of his own life now.

PurpleDaisies · 11/06/2022 17:29

I’m confused about the driving one too. Why would he have been taking the responsibility for her speeding and paying the fines? That’s illegal. He had an instant, easy defence that he wasn’t driving.

I’m not sure I’m understanding this correctly.

Honaloulou · 11/06/2022 17:48

How has he tried to sort this out? There are some obvious steps to take, if he wants.

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 11/06/2022 17:51

I’m afraid I just don’t believe the driving ban explanation. Even if he didn’t sign the car over to her, he would surely have contested the points she had amassed, not just accepted a driving ban. It doesn’t make any sense at all.

Moodycow78 · 11/06/2022 17:54

I'm fairly certain your FP is not being very truthful with you hon, his story just makes no sense xx

Moodycow78 · 11/06/2022 17:54


Godzillawilla · 11/06/2022 17:57

Honaloulou · 11/06/2022 17:48

How has he tried to sort this out? There are some obvious steps to take, if he wants.


He could try to sort this out by applying to court to sort out access for his children and applying to court to sort his licence out.

Why are your DPs problems yours to fix?

Steelesauce · 11/06/2022 17:58

Yeah... I think you're being spun a yarn. His name doesn't start with B does it? Sounds like my ex 😅

MadeForThis · 11/06/2022 18:02

He just need to tell the police he wasn't driving.

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 11/06/2022 18:10

Who just shrugs and accepts losing their license (with a ban too apparently, not just losing the license) which means the loss of their job?

No one would respond with ‘oh well. My horrible ex’ and not use all the means they had to challenge things.

And, on top of that, why wouldn’t he have applied for a contact order through the courts to ensure he sees his children? That is how he should ‘reach out’ if this is actually true.

Sortilege · 11/06/2022 18:13

You sound a bit gullible TBH.

If the driving ban tale really is true, he is beyond help. Honestly, though, it sounds like nonsense. Why would anybody do that?

2bazookas · 11/06/2022 18:31

And you believed every word he told you?

Frlrlrubert · 11/06/2022 18:41

Why would he just lie down and take a driving ban without contesting that he wasn't driving?

Is he saying he's been given a driving ban in absentia, and the DVLA have not contacted him at his current address to tell him? What's the address on his driving licence?

Sounds dodgy, but anyway...

If this is true he needs to appeal the ban and the points for instances where he wasn't driving.

He needs to transfer the car to her properly make sure there aren't any other legal ties he's 'forgot' to sort out.

Then he need to apply to court for proper scheduled access to his children.

He also needs some help with his mental health. He obviously isn't coping well if something like this causes a breakdown rather than him sorting it properly so he doesn't lose his job.

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 11/06/2022 18:42

Has he been to court? You have to go to court to get your 6 month driving ban after accumulating 12 points on a license.

He really went to court and just accepted a driving ban that meant losing his job on the basis of someone else’s speeding fines?


i think you need to look beyond his upset and apparent vulnerability and ask some quite pointed questions here, OP.

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2022 18:43

How long have you been with him?

decayingmatter · 11/06/2022 18:53

'Oh well, my ex said I can't see my kids so that's that'

'Oh well, my ex secretly got caught speeding loads of times in my car without my knowledge so that's that, I'll just be banned and jobless'

Goodness, her powers of evil seem to be incredibly far reaching. It's an awful shame that it's somehow impossible for him to make a simple court application for a child arrangement order and that he couldn't possibly contest the illegal speeding tickets she accrued.

Glitternails1 · 11/06/2022 19:43

You wouldn’t just accept points on your licence if you hadn’t done anything. Your Dp has caught speeding many occasions, lost his licence and then lost his job. Also, why wouldn’t you hire a lawyer and fight for your dc?

Eightiesfan · 11/06/2022 19:48

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 11/06/2022 17:51

I’m afraid I just don’t believe the driving ban explanation. Even if he didn’t sign the car over to her, he would surely have contested the points she had amassed, not just accepted a driving ban. It doesn’t make any sense at all.

This cannot be true, if queried the police will produce a photo of the person driving, and however grainy it is they should be able to tell it’s a woman driving. Plus all speeding notices will have been mailed to him, not his ex, unless he has not changed is address, which I cannot believe.

As PP have said, he does not have to negotiate access to his DC through their mother, he can go o court for this.

None of this is ringing true. I’m sorry OP but I don’t think he’s being entirely honest with you.

EdieMay1977 · 12/06/2022 19:25

He has changed his address but the car which is in his name but left it for her, was still registered at his old address. All court summons went to the old address which she did not forward. I was with him when he was pulled. He hasn’t had that car for over a year because he has been with me and all the points have happened in that time period

EdieMay1977 · 12/06/2022 19:27

If he contested it she would Say the most awful lies about him… I have heard her with my own ears and seen it with my own eyes

sunlight81 · 12/06/2022 19:31

Not transferring the address on a car when you've moved is a £1000 fine. That's to stop stuff like court summons going to the wrong address!!


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ConcentrateDear · 12/06/2022 19:38

Your ‘partner’ sounds utterly pathetic.

ripfb · 12/06/2022 19:46

Name change, OP?

If he got pulled when you were with him by the police, he must have been going a hell of a pace. I've just lost someone I cared about - a pedestrian mown down and killed by a speeding driver. So I'm struggling to feel any sympathy. He also broke the law by not changing his address. He sounds like a loser.

lunar1 · 12/06/2022 19:48

Has he been to court for the long-standing access issues with his children?

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