mortified and embarrassed but need your honest views please about a nork question please

[concreteunderpinning]

deep breath have changed my name for this. Sorry if tmi but I want some straight answers from blokes please.

I had a baby a couple of years ago. My frame is thin but my norks are huge. Basically they stretched and stretched and then fell to my knees. They are out of all proportion to my frame and are not remotely attractive anymore.

OK the issue is: I now feel embarrassed having sex with dh without wearing a bra. Dh reassures me it's OK but I'm not convinced.

What I want to know is:

1. do you blokes find drooping boobs a real turn-off? 2. if you do, do you lie about it?

I can take a few jokes about spaniel ears but would really like some honest answers too. I'm not a troll.

Listen to your DH - if he's telling you it's ok then it is. He's hardly gonna go off with someone else just cos of something physical happening to you that a lot of women suffer from is he?

Not that it will solve the problem though - as you will always feel uncomfortable with them by the sounds of it. It's something you have to come to terms with - looks like DH already has.

I would hate to think that my DW would feel uncomfortable enough about something that she would hide it - that would be what would worry me more than a change in body shape.

His arse will start sagging soon don't forget - nothing stays the same forever!

I agree with EricScrooge (though I'm not a man)

Asking what other men think is irrelevant to what your dh thinks. He is an individual and even if every man in the world found your norks unattractive (a very unlikely concept BTW!!) that doesn't mean your dh does.

For example I know the majority of women find very hairy men unattractive and make lots of jokes about it. I personally love it which is lucky as DS is very hairy

There are also other characteristics about dh that in someone else I might not find attractive but because I love him I don't find them unattractive in him at all.

As Eric says you need to work on your own acceptance of your body and try to trust your dh.

thanks for your supportive (geddit???) words Eric and LazyC.

I'm a reasonably confident and sensible person generally but this problem is fairly extreme, physically. I don't really approve of surgery for cosmetic reasons but am considering it in this instance.

Tbh I'm not worried that dh is going to go off with someone else as our relationship is strong but I'm not sure I believe him when he says it's OK. Aren't men meant to be more stimulated by visual appearance? And most blokes would say that wouldn't they? If it did upset you, would you really say so?

I can't say exactly how i would feel if the same happened to my DW. I know it is on the cards at some point cos they are rather wondrous things at the moment - but i know they will go south at some point.

She knows how much i enjoy them and she can see how my heart misses a beat whenever i catch a glimpse of them - so she often says she would get a boob job if they end up being tucked in her belt.

I don't know whether this would actually happen though when the moment arrived.

I think it is a natural desire to want to keep what you percieve to be your assets in the best condition possible - but reality means that these things don't last forever. We all know that things change when we get older and we just have to accept it and deal with it.

I am worried if she has a boob job that i would need to go out and get an arse job.

Is there such a thing? I hope there isn't cos it sounds painful just thinking about it.

I just wanted to say that sometimes your breasts re-establish themselves...I finished bfing ds1 and they were saggy, empty and yuk, then after a year or two they had filled up again. It was a nice surprise and yours might well do the same.

Then I went and got pg again of course...d'oh

In your position I would ask myself what I want out of this line of thought.

By asking loads of men what they think you could I suppose convince yourself that lots of of men find this unattractive - then what? Does that mean your dh does?

Or conversely that most men find it attractive. Does this mean your dh does?

The problem here seems twofold

1 - You are personally very unhappy with the way you look

2 You don't actually believe what your husband says when he says it is fine.

It may actually be that your dh prefers less drooping boobs but what does he gain by telling you that other than making you feel bad about something you can do nothing about?

If your dh was bald or too short/too tall or hairy or had a too big/too small nose, has wrinkles(whatever you may find mildy unattractive in someone else but is difficult to do anything about) then would you tell your dh that?

I personally would choose to believe him but if I felt so so badly about it, I'd investigate the possibility and costs and risk etc of having cosmetic surgery.

BTW- I have VERY drooping breasts and always have had so I do know how difficult it is.

Yes - my DW was annoyed to see her breasts stayed a larger size after all the babiness subsided.

She was often complaining about her new cup size - but i just got a glazed expression on my face when i thought about their reincarnation.

I think it would take a two-ton winch Twinkly but thanks for the thought

A good point Eric, about physical assets not lasting forever. Thing is though, could accept all the bits atrophying together gracefully but not at wildly differing rates! (Love all that stuff about yr glazed expression and heart missing a beat etc - dh used to behave the same way [sniff])

Agree LazyC about not gaining much if he doesn't like them and is honest about it etc BUT on balance I think I would still like to know his honest opinion! First because it would help me to make my decision about surgery and secondly because I then will know I'm doing the right thing by staying covered up. I concede that I am very unhappy about how I look just now though. They are a pain (sometimes literally) aren't they?

....also was just hoping for some male perspective which perhaps might be different to ours about this sort of thing ....

I have to say, if he doesn't appear to have noticed, chances are that he hasn't, so I wouldn't point it out to him. Love is blind and all that, my dh is oblivious to my body imperfections, so I don't feel the need to enlighten him.
If you say, 'Oh dh, my boobs are droopy', he may suddenly start to think 'Wow, why didn't I notice that before'.

i have huge norks 34hh they went up to a cup bursting 36l

need less to say mine havent stood proud since i was about 20 am now 26

but they are getting longer but my hubby loves em and so do i

love your boobs and your man will love em go on top they love it and you cant tell they saggy

do it from behind but with you both lifted up on your knees and get him to hold them makes you feel very sexy

sorry if tmi

Would agree with dressedup, also pretend in your head that you're Marilyn Monroe (yes, panto world is a bizarre place to be), keep picturing yourself as some sexy, come hither sex goddess and you will be. Works for me, (dh has never been known to complain).

Erm, I think he's definitely definitely noticed Panto, ...it was the third reef knot that did it ... ... tbh he's already commented and made the odd (not unkind) joke

Er, I feel 'most exposed' on top but agree er last position offers good cover ....

Ok, do you have a great arse and legs, these are things to be proud of it.

I think that may be part of the problem Panto.

Finding this embarrassing but you did ask

legs not great but v long
arse - not sure to be honest - never really studied it but think it's ok

• but norks WERE my pride and joy (dh's too)

have been thinking about what you posted Panto, dressed up and Lazycow and in that spirit have bought myself some new lingerie today to make myself feel a bit better about the whole situation. Hopefully dh will be so bedazzled he won't notice what's underneath and I'll keep the lighting low .....

Steady Eric'll go all glazed at the mention of new lingerie...

Have fun with the results !!

Thanks BossyBaubles

Very appropriate name for this thread by the way!!

how did it go tell us

Am absurdly chuffed to hear you've taken the plunge with the underwear. Just go for it. Enjoy...and let us know how you got on.

I remember my first attempt with the DW at wearing 'sexy' underwear.

I thought it was always her that wore stuff that turned me on and not the other way round.

I bought a sparkly thong and surprised her one night on our honeymoon.

It just didn't fit properly and certain items were spilling out.

We didn't have sex cos she was crying with laughter so much.

I still get it out if i want to cheer her up.

Sometimes i think it is about having a laugh and a bit of fun as well.

eric lol

See?

It's even funny just thinking about it.

Imagine the comedy value if you actually witnessed it...............

(Nightmares for a month)

is this a thread cross over with "Eric's weekly Choice Cuts" by any chance??

probly i just posted on that too

Sorry just come back to this thread. Thanks very much Panto and everyone. Honestly, it's helped.

Haven't worn the new underpinnings as yet; i'm saving them until dh and I have some time alone after Christmas when everything is less stressful, although whether I'll be able to get the delectable image of Eric's sparkly thong out of my mind only time will tell