First child and at breaking point

[ullisees]

Hi all

I had my first child in February and I'm already at breaking point. She screams constantly past 6pm and dr says its acid reflux.

For the past 2 week I've been leaving the house earlier to go to work and crying in the car. And don't want to leave work at night and cry on the way home.

I don't know how much more i can take

Take breaks mid feed to wind mid feed x

@ullisees

I think she hates me. Got home and she was happy. I've got hold of her and she won't stop crying. Give her back to mum and she's quiet. Every time i hold her she crys

She definitely doesn't hate you, mum is her safe place right now and if she's uncomfortable or upset that's going to be where she's her happiest. We had the same issue and my partner worried that baby didn't like him but once we got his digestive issues sorted he was a different baby and now prefers his dad sometimes haha. Congratulations on your girl, take things one day at a time and most importantly, know you can (and should) reach out for help if it becomes too much. PND in dad's is well recognised and honestly, the first 3 months are shit for dads. Everyone asks how baby is, how mum is coping etc. No one asks about the father and that in itself is hard. You feel like no one gives a shit about you but they do and if they know you're struggling they will be able to help you.

Oh and as for the sleep....you're doing better than I was at 3 months by the sounds of it. Bed time was any time from 7pm to 3am depending on how the day went . If you figure out how to stop the night waking let me know!

Don’t think she hates you, she loves you. As PP said Mummy is her safe place.
Don’t give up on seeking help and support from the doctor if the medication doesn’t work. They might have other types of formula and/or medication you can try.
This won’t go on forever even though it feels like it. Don’t suffer in silence, talk to people and talk to your partner. Crying is a good release and it’s best not to bottle it all up.
You will get through this, things will get better

I feel like crying for you both reading this. It’s unrelenting trying to cope with an unhappy baby. As PPs said, it does pass. I hope the support here today makes you feel even a little better, it did for me when things were rough. Mind yourself x

She doesn't hate you, she's a baby she only knows her senses not her emotions.

It's so hard on a parent working all day and getting home to a tired baby at the most difficult time of day.

Instead take a snapshot on the weekend when she's rested and fed - that's her time to connect with you. You'll see you do ok together.

The rest of the time it's just you getting on with what needs to be done so her needs are met. It's totally one way you to her for aaaaages! It's so hard!!!!! 💚

Could you try infant gaviscon, you add it to the formula, our daughter had silent reflux but the gaviscon really helped

Sorry you are struggling but a few things here stand out

Stop expecting a small baby to 'sleep through' - you will drive yourself mad. My 4 year old has never, ever slept through the night. My 11 month old wakes at least 4 times still. It's normal. Some babies do sleep for long chunks, some don't.

Support your partner. It's hard for you I know but they are with the baby all day. My daughter had reflux, it was hell on Earth so I completely understand. Ranitidine saved our sanity. My husband struggled but readily admitted that getting to leave the house, eat lunch, go to the loo, see adults, be himself was easier than dealing with screaming baby.

Accept any and all help. Get family over to hold baby for a few hours or go for a walk whilst you both nap and cuddle

Don't lie them flat, towel under head bit in pram, lift cot etc.

Keep pushing dr

Reflux formula helped a lot

THIS WILL PASS.

I would second asking the GP for Omeprazole Suspension instead of the dispersible tablets. The GP sends the prescription to a normal chemist and they send off for it as a “special” it goes to a compounding pharmacy to make up. My DC has a raspberry flavour added to make it sweeter and I asked them to make it up 20mg/5ml so I only have to get half the amount in her, they normally make it up as 10mg/5ml. If she still spits it out, give it a tiny bit at a time and direct it to the side and back of her cheek.
I would also consider whether she’s reacting to dairy, it might be worth trialing a allergy formula like Nutramigen and we thickened DC’s milk with Carobel, you can buy it on Amazon if your chemist doesn’t stock it. I found that worked a lot better than infant Gaviscon.
I’d also try a dummy if you aren’t already, and would recommend a zipped swaddle wrap like the Swaddle Up 50/50.
Always keep her upright for 20 mins after feeding and wind her well.
Things will improve, but do reach out for help in real life, Health Visitor and GP, local children’s centre. Locally we have a specialist Feeding Health Visitor who really knows her stuff.
I hope things improve for you all really soon!!

All I can add is keep up with medicine , you will see difference after 2 to 4 weeks. My girl screamed all day long and was very unsettled during nights. We finish first box omeprazole and she is completely different child.

Just coming on to say this will end one day. My daughter was a horrible baby - the absolute worst. Silent reflux is brutal, it really is. But 7 months was a huge turning point for us, and there had been improvements from 5 months that in hindsight were significant. She’s now an amazing nearly 4-year old and while she’s going to be an only child (we can’t risk those first few months again, seriously!), she is worth all those days and weeks of utter shit. And she adores her daddy, so don’t worry!

She sounds similar to my daughter, my partner and I both really struggled with her for the first 3-4 months. She also had reflux and our witching 'hour' would last from 3pm to 11pm some days. She would only sleep being held and woke up every 1-2 hours until about a month ago. My partner felt she hated him and hated the way he was feeling, but now at 7.5 months she is such a daddy's girl. It will get easier, don't give up hope!

Some like swaddling, some don’t. Mine hated it, made everything worse. Got hot and uncomfortable whilst screaming her head off.

DD had colic/reflux and would scream from 5/6pm until at least 11pm every night. Occasionally throwing up her feed everywhere. We had all sorts of investigations and some medication (one that you mention above). Nothing really helped and there was no proper diagnosis for us.
In the end the G.P told us to just hold her, comfort her and invest in ear plugs and/or listen to music whilst doing so. It’s awful. But it will pass. See your doctor again if you aren’t happy or things get worse.
Personally I wouldn’t keep changing formula, as that could bring a new set of problems. I suffered with reflux as a baby too and my DM gave me solids at four months (I tried with DD but she wasn’t interested)!
It will get better, but it will probably take a few months to pass.

Very rarely sleep through at that age, I don’t think mine slept through properly until she was about 4! It’s exhausting, try to get rest when you can.

I really feel for you, my youngest was the exact same. It's so hard seeing them in so much discomfort. We went down the different medication route aswell but the only thing that actually worked was carobel to thicken the milk!
Was a game changer for us.

So hard, you’ll get through this.

But don’t leave early and stay late. You need to support your partner. She’s with your child alllllllllll day.

I think I've seen a glimmer of hope today. After she decided to empty her bladder all down the front of me i got a smile out of her. I then was dancing with her in front of the tv with the best boy bands playing, she loved it. After she was fed she started screaming again so i cuddled her and stuck with it. She eventually went to sleep in my arms and has been there for the past hour. I feel more relaxed and happy today. Lets see how a week of work goes.

I'm glad you are feeling better OP! 3 months was, for us, absolute peak of the terribleness- it got much better from there!

I don't know if you think swaddling helped, my DC hated it and preferred to trash about like eels but you can get swaddle gro bags gro.co.uk/product/gro-snug/

@ullisees

I think I've seen a glimmer of hope today. After she decided to empty her bladder all down the front of me i got a smile out of her. I then was dancing with her in front of the tv with the best boy bands playing, she loved it. After she was fed she started screaming again so i cuddled her and stuck with it. She eventually went to sleep in my arms and has been there for the past hour. I feel more relaxed and happy today. Lets see how a week of work goes.

You’ll get more and more of these moments as she gets bigger and her digestion settles down keep going, you and your partner can do this!

I feel for you. One of ours had massively bad reflux but also undiagnosed milk intolerance.

Took over three years to get it diagnosed. Trip to a and e post 111 call/out of hours gp. Consultant sauntered over, took one look and diagnosed on the spot.

I was an absolute wreck at the end of it and I think it's led to further health issues down the line.

Keep pushing for the tests and follow the bed advice previously given.

I'm so glad I read this post - I'm living this right now.

My DS is 11weeks and has various intolerances and silent reflux. He's currently on Neocate milk and Omeprazole... it's been a very tough 11 weeks for him, me and my wife.

I'm happy to read that people say it gets better... I bloody hope so! OP any improvement for you?