DH's / DP's, did / do you find your wife attractive while she was / is pg?

[NoCuddles]

Did you find you DW / DP attractive while she was PG? especialy towards to end of the pregnancy? Or did you not want to go near her?

Am to admit my DH wont even cuddle me at the mo, I'm 33+4 and I suppose I'm not at my most attractive right now. He wont even cuddle me if I ask for one, just squeeze's (SP?) my hand.

Are there any women who found that their DH's / DP's did this?

Bump,
Are there any men here today .

Bump
Anyone got any advice? Please.

My exH was happy to still 'do the nasty' and was just as physically affectionate to me. DP on the other hand confessed that when his exW was expecting he just couldn't bring himself to

Every man is different in his reaction I suppose

HTH

Hello

no advice jsut quite at your dh.

Have you asked him about it?

Thanks, WheresTheVallium (Love the name BTW), I suppose I knew that all men are different, DH is usually such an affectionate person that it's kinda thrown me, now he doesn't want to be near me.

If we had a spare room, I'm sure he would move in to it !!

Hi Lilibet, I've tried dropping hints for a while now and last night I just asked him outright if I repulse him all he said was 'no'.
He didn't ask why I thought that or even try to make an effort with showing me he finds me attractive.
I know he loves me, but he is so cold at the minute, I never expected it to be like this at this stage of the pregnancy, I though it would be an exciting and loving time.

I am quite embarrased by it all tbh.

NoCuddles, dh was very funny about sex when I was pregnant with our first baby. He had a notion that it would harm the baby. I think a lot of men do. Then on our last pg, we had sex one night and I went into premature labour the next night, so that put him off forever! I am pg again and we have mutually decided to leave it at cuddles only for this pg, both a bit scared after what happened last time. However we do cuddle and I would be very upset if that wasn't happening. Was your dh the cuddly sort before you got pg?

Hi nosexplease,
How awful for you to go in to prem labour, hope all was ok.

DH and I have always been very cuddly and affectionate towards each other, never had to ask for a cuddle before. Now when I try to cuddle him I can see him thinking how to get out of it. He will back track or walk around me while I'm stood there looking like a complete twonk!!

TBH I think the thought of sex at the minute would have him packing his bags and walking out the door.

Oh dear, I'm not painting Dh in a very good light am I, he really is a lovely person, a wonderfull husband. We have an excellent relationship in every other way.
I've never been a 'slim' person (no massive either) but Dh has always said (without being prompted) how much he loves my body (Sorry if TMI)

DH is going out tonight and I've always encouraged it (he doesn't go out very often) I've never been a paranoid or jelous person but I am so scared he's gonna look at all the pretty and slim non pregnant women out there and realise he is missing something.
Please tell me I'm being irrational.

I dont know, maybe its me I'm more sensitive and hormonal.

When I was pregnant with no2, I was a whale - I was like a weeble and I found some porn mags in exh's wardrobe. I was distraught.

Then I had a brainwave and replaced them with Practical Parenting.

It was never mentioned

lol lillibet!!

lilibet, pmsl.

Porn has never botherd me TBH.

But having something like no cuddles does bother me. I know it's something small and some people see it as insignificant, but I LIKE CUDDLES (said in a very childish tone )

I like cuddles too. I have to say, that I have a dh who is very attracted to my pregnant shape. A little too attracted for my liking, but I am not going to moan about that on this thread.

As for cuddles. I demand them, as my birthright.

LOL beansprout, good for you demanding them.
There should be a clause in any relationship that cuddles are a right not a priviledge

My Dh did seem to like my pg shape up until a few weeks ago, but I think I repulse him now. I am very weeble'esq though.

Any one elses DH / DP do this, or is it just mine?

I've never been like that - the pregnancies brought us closer if anything. I don't understand the mentality behind your partner at all - but we are all different.

I think he is very strange because i made more of a fuss over these things because

a) i wanted to cos of the magical and loving thing we were going through
b) i knew she woould be feeling crap because of the physical side effects of pregnancy.

I just don't understand why he would move away from you like this.

Hope it gets better for you.

Hi EricL, thank you for your post.
Dh hasn't been like this all the way through, it only within the last few weeks or so that he has been this way.

I was wondering (Probably hoping) that maybe he is worried about hurting me or the baby by getting too close.

It doesn't seem to be the consensus (SP?) so far that anyone elses DH / DP got like this.

I really do hope it's not something else.
Like I have said in every other way he is the most wonderful person and such a lovely DH.

Oh, I dont know what to think any more.

It is a strange one. I guess you need advice from someone who has had feelings like that themselves - or a woman who has had the experience and come out the other side.

Sorry.

Talk to him lovely. I had a simliar prob which became extreme in him disappearing for a few weeks.. but all was fine eventually. It all transpired he was just terrified all of a sudden about hte whole thing.

he was terrified that he would hurt me, and the baby. He was worried about if there was anything wrong with the baby, despite scans and knowing she was fine, in as much as you can ever know. and everytime he got close or looked at me, it just raised all these fears again and again.

w have neve been happier than we are now, and it is only now really ( DD is 9 months old nearly) that we cn freely talk about what happened. my preg shape and changing body, just made him think every time about how our lives were changing nd his bigest fear of all: that he would not be able to provide foe us in the way he wanted, both practically and emotionally and he managed to convince himself he was just not good enough for us!

The only way to really get to the bottom of it and maybe get some resolve, is to talk, very calmly, openly and be understanding to him.. his life is changing too, he's living with a very differnt 'you' at the moment.

Try to just listen, and somehow, find a wy, deep inside to not be overly emotional about it with him. He prob already feels guilty about it...men find emotions and emotional women hard to cope with at the best of times, even if it is the woman they love...

Tell him its OKAY... even if its not, but by telling him it is, he will feel more able to talk openly and honestly to you.. trust me, it works every time... then you very slowly gradually feed in very carefully and subtly that actually its not, and why its not but only when he is comfortably talking about it all... trust me on this one.. very tried and tested ) tell him its ok, but that you need to understand why, and maybe you can help him, or find a way together to work through what ever it is he is feeling.

no easy answers lovely, other than, its NOT uncommon, you are not alone, and talk is the best way to resolve it.

Dont forget, that whilst you are preg the focus is on you, from everyone. everyone wants to know how you are, how your preganacy is going... how you are feeling etc. the fellas tend to get a bit sidelined dont they? i'm not saying the focus shouldnt be on you, but, well, i hope you know what i mean!

good luck, nd hope it all works out lovely

Have a look at my thread yummy mummys...same problem.
Seem that most of them are afraid of hurting the baby.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry about that feel better now!

DH loves a pregnant bod. Finds it very attractive - and not just mine.

At the other extreme, I have a friend who's DH thinks it 'fat' and repulsive and makes her go on Atkins diet afterwards. He is a wanker in most things though.

One of my friends husbands brought her an exercise bike as a giving birth present!
Poor bugger really did seem bemused when she told him wher he could shove it!!
Saying that though I wouldnt mind one, any exercise you can do in front of tv has got to be better than hauling arse off to the gym in my eyes.
Can you cycle with one fat leg?

Thank you all so so much for all of your advice and kind words, I feel so much better about this situation from just reading your kind words.

Susiecutie, I especially like your post, it is so re assuring to hear from someone who has been through it all and come out the other side.

I have decided to try to talk to DH about this, I'm hoping that I will be able to do so without crying, it's not going to be easy as I cry at anything at the minute, LOL, hormones all over the place.

I am hoping that DH is being like this because he is worried about hurting me or the baby. He commented yesterday that people have to be careful around me because I am delicate, So hoping that I am right and he is just worried.

Thank you all so much again for all of your advice and kindness.

Hello, had similar isshoos with my hubby during pregnancy. Felt that we were less tactile than usual (and I am not just talking about sex but about kisses and cuddles as well). If I wanted a hug I had to ask for one, they were never volunteered, and before that we were always a hand holdy, cuddly kind of couple. I ended up getting quite upset about it in the end.

I never did get to the root cause, if I asked dh would just 'perform' whatever task was requested and say 'look, I'm cuddling you aren't I?' by way of avoiding having to talk about it.

I had a really rough time towards the end with high BP, and he was an absolute angel when I was hospitalised, so I knew he still loved me and that wasn't the problem. I think myself that he was actually frightened, of pregnancy, of labour, of impending fatherhood, of being so very very needed, (by me), of the fact that I was ill, and his way of dealing with fear is to distance himself - I think that a lot of this is normal.

DD is 15 months now, I would say that once I stopped breastfeeding then things started getting back to normal, it did take a bit of effort on my part in being extra-demonstrative, but eventually the results paid off. I wouldn't say things are how they were before I was pg, as a lot of our loving now goes dd's way, but they are certainly good enough that I am happy

So what I am saying is, he undoubtedly still loves you, but maybe he's a bit scared, things will settle down again!

Hi Sixofone, it is so good for me to hear form people who have been through the same or similar circumstances.
It helps me to know that you came out of it at the other end.

DH and I were always very cuddly and demonstrative people so it has been quite hard for me when he wont come near me.
I know he loves me, it was just the thought that I bascially repulse him that was most worrying in my mind.

I feel so much better now and am going to try to DH about it, once I have worked up the courage.

Thank You
xx